Icebergs on the Moon: Adapting to My Samsung Phone

Hmmm, who decided itwould be a swipe rather instead of a tap?

In order for you to makesense of this post, I need to issue three disclaimers:

I am 63 years old.Computers and digital technology came along after my brain went through theformative, programming years. Tech language and concepts are a foreign languageto me.

Some people have anaptitude for technology. I most decidedly do not. Not at all. Zero, nada,squat. The simplest concepts and practices make no logical sense to mewhatsoever.

Tech devices and I donot get along. You know how dogs can tell instinctively whether or not you area dog person? The same applies to tech devices. They sense I am an enemy andrandomly malfunction in deliberate fashion.

I am now the recipientof a corporate cell phone. No, I did not get promoted. My employer has decidedto adopt a hybrid work from home / at the office model. Accordingly, they havedecided to equip all of us with corporate cell phones.

You think this is a goodthing for me? Did you not read the disclaimers above?

I now have to keep trackof two cell phones, remember two cell phone numbers and two sets of passwords (An unlock code? Oh, for f****’s sake!),keep track of two separate charging cords, remember to recharge two separatephones and carry two phones with me on work days. This is a lot of stress toput me through when I have less than two years to go to retirement.

Learning to use mySamsung phone has been predictably tempestuous. My employer provided a Quick Start Guide. But it is 13 pageslong. Does that qualify as quick? Iam pretty sure that anything over 5 pages falls into a different category.

I had to change theunlock code from the default set by our IT Department. I did so. But the phone,taking an instant dislike to me, refused to accept the new code the first timeI used it. Oh, for f****’s sake! IThad to reset the default code so I could go through the process again.

The first call came inthis morning. I tapped the answer button. Nothing. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Still nothing. Back to the IT help desk. I have to swipe to answer? Oh, for f****’ssake! I have been tapping for years and now I have to swipe? You have to tellme these things!

I have no doubt thatthere is a photo of me on the wall of our IT Department. When I send in a helprequest, the reaction invariably must be: Ohshit, it’s Dyet again. Who drew the short straw today? Joe, you’re up. Here,down this beer before you talk to him.

Getting acquainted andcomfortable with my new Samsung phone is the equivalent of landing on the moon.None of the normal laws or logic apply anymore. Swiping is the new tapping andthat is just the part of the iceberg that is above water.

Icebergs on the moon?That’s a perfect metaphor. You don’t understand? Oh, for f****’s sake! Now you know how I feel.

~  Now Available Onlinefrom Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites ofPassage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is alsothe author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel whichwas a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’swebsite at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .

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