List of Activities So Far This Summer

I know most people go on vacation or try to this time of the year if they can afford it and if Covid wasn’t a thing. I don’t. I normally stay home because unlike a lot of people, I’m a mom and one that doesn’t make enough to do that. (Not mad at those who do…just saying.) Anyway, I always try to get some things done that need done when it’s warm enough.

Last year, we were still getting used to living in this house again and I was always out there in the yard pulling the weeds out of the beds in front. And I started a novel first draft. It became a year long event. I sometimes research my places, distances, all sorts of necessary bits as I’m writing instead of after. I don’t use outlines because they don’t work for me. I never follow what I write in them. My characters have proven time and again they don’t like to be tied down like that. With this last novel, I wanted to hold myself accountable so I would post the word count, chapter, and page counts on social media. It was a small way to keep me going while working out the angles in my head. Connecting three universes I created over the years was hard for me. So, from June 2020 to June 2021 I have a full first draft that needs some character building of the new characters before it’s ready to go.

My daughter, much like last year, got another haircut in late June or early July. I can’t remember. After a year of having her home for school a lot of things mesh together. [Insert laughter here.] She has been visiting friends more often than when this whole quarantine stuff started. This year she was supposed to visit the beach in TX but couldn’t because of the storms down there. This is a bummer because she and I are the only ones in the family that I know of that have never been. (As of this post, she hasn’t gotten to go, but who knows, she might still yet. There is time before school starts.)

From summer 2020 to now, I can say I learned a lot about one thing I needed to know but was never told or taught. That is loving myself. They don’t teach it in schools and our parents didn’t know it so they couldn’t teach it. We hold a lot inside us that we never tell anyone. A lot of guilt and shame for things we aren’t to blame for. My heart was breaking back then in the summer of 2020. I didn’t know what to do to unbreak it. With a big heart comes a big responsibility. Something I didn’t know. I needed to love me, even if no one else ever would. I am a human too and I also deserve the love that others do. Needless to say, I spent at least a year figuring it out and crying it out and shedding the shame for things I cannot change. This year, I can look back and say that I am finally happy and it’s just me and my kid, vibin’. That’s all I need to keep me happy. Every day isn’t happy, it’s work, but a more positive mindset is good to have when dealing with such a damaged world. And to try is a beautiful thing. To love without expectation…to laugh…to dance…

Over the last year, I’ve also been working on a few other things besides the one first draft of a novel. I’ve also been working on some new poetry and short stories. I figure some readers like short bursts better than a long slough through a hellscape sometimes. I’ve also been straightening out, tightening up, and figuring out the book that comes after Let It Bleed [that first draft from this past year] called Atonia—Into the Gates of Hell. That one has been in the works for ten years now. It always made me nervous because it was the first actual fantasy novel I’ve tried to write so I wanted to get it right. (There be dragons and magic, people…) I got it organized a few years back but needed to go over all the old writing and redo a lot of how it was written. Then, of course, I had to add some more stuff to it.

On June 26, 2021, I painted the first time since high school. I was stressed and worried over my mother, but that night it felt right to put brush to canvas. It may not seem special to anyone else but me, but I love my painting. I will continue to do this. It all comes back to loving oneself and feeling in the moment about things you want to do. Of which, there are so many I’ve waited to do and am now going to go forth and do. Because these things make me happier.

Speaking of haircuts…I hadn’t had one for years. We did a bit of a trim cut during quarantine last year but it’s gotten long again and it was driving me crazy. So, as of last night, I cut it off again and I love it. It’s not my best work, but I had to have help with the back and I don’t care. I wanted it off of me. [Insert laughter here.]

So far this is our summer. It may not sound all that exciting to some people, but we are vaccinated, we are fed, we are vibin’, and we are whole. That isn’t normally a word I would use in regards to myself, but this year, I would. I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. There are many factors at play in that happiness but that’s okay. It helps me to spread that love I’ve held in all this time to others and that is important. We all need to be loved, even if it’s from strangers who don’t know you. “If people can hate, I can love…”

I’m sitting here, into the second year back in my little house with brighter eyes. I have much to be grateful for. I know that. How has your summer been?

Jennifer Oneal Gunn

Writer, Poet, Painter, Mom