A dream that feels good but will not come true. #DailyBlog, June 28

When I woke up today, everything around me felt comforting. I felt at peace, I shed a few happy tears. You would be surprised when I tell you why.

After my father’s demise, I have had some of the most dreadful middle-of-the-night sob sessions. I was often awakened by dreams where my father returned from the hospital on the morning of 4th December but in a condition where his end was near and certain. My dreams always showed him in unbearable pain and how though he returned, he had merely a few days left. This dream took the freedom to reoccur and crush me mentally, emotionally and physically. I remember so vividly, of nights I woke up screaming and drenched in sweat. They left me with no peace, no energy.

This dream was different. I think it was in the wee hours when I saw papa taking rounds of our society, in his characteristic walking style and speed, rushing to complete 10k steps, a target he took seriously. He had returned from the hospital, he was alive, he was healthy. He had energy. As funny as it sounds, he had a tray in his hand carrying a cup of tea and a few Marie biscuits. He paused every now and then and took a sip and resumed walking again. He was a lover of chai. I saw him happy, healthy, in his natural element and I rushed to ma, telling her papa is back and how! I said, “Ma, let’s talk to the doctor. His next session of chemotherapy is now possible. Look at him, ma, I think he can be cured, one hundred percent now.” Ma was happy, very happy. He asked me to call my brother and book an appointment with the doctor.

I woke up from the dream. It was six in the morning. Very unusual as my body clock wakes me up at 5:17 am, every day, without a chance of failure. Papa wasn’t there, of course. Miracle was taking place in my dream but in reality, there was no place for such a thing.

After both my dreams, when I woke up, papa wasn’t there. He was still gone. But this dream gave me all the comfort and warmth that have been missing in my life since December 04, 2020.

Strangely, according to the Hindi calendar that we follow, today marks seven months to us losing him.

Thanks for listening. You are kind.

Thoughtstreets