Why are you still doing that thing?
“So…if you know it’s not working, why are you still doing it?”
This is one of those questions that life coaches ask a lot—with good reason: It’s a great question! A great question with several great variations:
What do you want for yourself instead of what you’re experiencing right now?Why do you think it is that you do that?What do you have this particular issue?What is truly standing in your way of making that change?What are you doing to achieve your dreams?But what it boils down to, is a way to find out what is stronger: Your habit or your desire. Your need to stay in your comfort zone, or your longing to step into your brilliance. You see, you have a choice. Stay put, do what you’ve always done and get what you’ve always got. Or, try something new and get something new.
Notice I said try something new. I didn’t mention it would be easy. Because it probably won’t be.
Even small change is difficult. Comfort and habit are powerful adaptive measures, designed to keep our early ancestors from venturing too far into unknown territory (which could be dangerous) or trying anything that may shine uncessary attention on them (which could lead in them being seen—and eaten—by a family of saber tooth tigers).
Realizing you are choosing your comfort zone over your desire is a great first step. Knowing you do this may be enough to shake yourself free of comfort’s iron grip.
Or, you may have to do some work around this. Try writing a letter to your comfort zone, explaining what you want to do with your life and how it will benefit you. Or, break down a desire into non-threatening baby steps, then take a single one of these steps each day. Or list the cost of staying in your comfort zone for the next two years. Then list what your life will look like in two years if you brazenly go after your desires. Whatever of these tools you try, letting ago of what isn’t working for you will change your life. For the better.
Resources:
— Want to dive deeper with this fascinating subject? I love I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It by Barbara Sher.
— Deliberate Discomfort: How U.S. Special Operations Forces Overcome Fear and Dare to Win by Getting Comfortable Being Uncomfortable (Ballast Books), by Jason Van Camp. Deliberate Discomfort follows the journey of Jason Van Camp as a new Green Beret commander taking over a team of combat-hardened Special Forces veterans. This true story tells firsthand the intense, traumatic battles these warriors fought and won, sharing lessons learned from their incredible backgrounds. A cadre of scientists further break down each experience, translating them into digestible and relatable action items, allowing the reader to apply these lessons forged under fire to their own lives.
— The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness (Atria Books), by Ichiro Kishimi. Described as “Marie Kondo for the mind,” this book is based on stoic philiosphy. It powerfully makes the point that your past habits do not need to be your present—or your future—habits.
— Imperfect Courage: Live a Life of Purpose by Leaving Comfort and Going Scared (Waterbrook Publishing), by Jessica Honegger. A book written by a women for women, Honegger takes you by the hand and invites you to trade your comfort zone for a life of impact and meaning.
— Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears (Shambala Press), Pema Chondron. Ever feel trapped in the same old habits and painful emotions time and time again? Drawing on time-honored Buddhist teachings on shenpa (all the attachments and compulsions that cause us suffering), Pema Chödrön shows how certain habits of mind tend to “hook” us and get us stuck in states of anger, blame, self-hatred, addiction, and so much more—and, most of all, how we can liberate ourselves from them.
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