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Hi, and welcome to the annual tradition here at www.peterdavid.net of live-blogging the Oscars. It's fun. It's entertaining. It's not limited to 140 characters a comment (or response for that matter). And best of all, it guarantees that I'll stay awake.

I've been paying mild attention to the red carpet. Every year I come to the same two conclusions: Women will wear damned near anything, and no man on the planet looks as good in a tux as Pierce Brosnan did in the Bond films. Also, good news: apparently Cirque du Soleil will be doing a performance at some point.

So…let's all get ready and hope no one gets a paper cut opening an envelope.

8:30: No one back stage could have said to Morgan Freeman, "Hold still. Let me straighten your tie." Really? That's not anyone's job?

8:31: Well, the montage is off to a good start.

8:32: Rick Santorum just shat himself when Clooney kissed Billy Crystal.

8:33: As the 18 to 24 year olds wonder not only who Billy Crystal is, but why he's in blackface calling himself "Sammy." What's up with that?, they'll be wondering. Isn't blackface totally insulting?

8:34: More people saw "Tin Tin" just then than when the film was in the theaters.

8:35: Let's see how long til there's a Ricky Jervais joke.

8:36: Slam dunk on the line about millionaires accepting gold statues taking people's minds off the economy. And yes, Billy, we wouldn't have minded if you hadn't done the song. Especially since they don't seem to have the sound balanced and we have to fight to hear you over the orchestra.

8:39: Hearing Billy Crystal sing that Hawaiian-themed summary for "The Descendants" reminds me of how much fun Nathan Lane is at hosting stuff. Over all, not bad, although his voice flatted out toward the end.

8:42: My God, I wore a powder blue tux just like that when I went to my senior prom. I wonder if he rented it from the same place.

8:43: Cinematography was apparently won by Mike Grell's Warlord.

8:44: Art direction: I'll guess Hugo.

8:45: Bingo.

8:47: I had no idea Meryl Streep's Oscar win history got off to a Rocky start.

8:51: Not the movie palaces of MY youth, Billy. Yours, maybe, but not mine.

8:51: I remember years ago when the entertainment on Oscar was nothing but montages. Nobody like it. I sure hope they don't make that mistake again.

8:53: I like the recurring dream line.

8:54: Rooting for: Artist. Hugo will probably win.

8:55: Yea! Honestly, I'm rooting for "The Artist" for Best Picture. I've seen most of the others and they're great, but "The Artist" was just incredible and unique.

8:56: Make-up. I'm guessing Albert Nobbs, but they're all strong. For sheer size, Potter should.

8:58: I'll be damned. Now all you have to do is put make up on Meryl Streep and you win.

9:00: How about that. I saw "King Kong" when I was six and a half as well. It was cut up by commercials and they edited stuff out, but that's how old I was when I saw it.

9:01: No, it's not going to change; "Moneyball" is not going to win for best picture.

9:06: Wow. Sandra Bullock can actually make German sound really sexy. I didn't think that was possible. As for foreign film, I've no clue. I'll root for the Israeli one.

9:07: Okay, I don't get it. If we Jews run show business, how the hell did an Iranian film beat out Israel?

9:09: "And be careful, you're in his eyeline." Wow, genuine snark from Billy.

9:10: Best supporting actress. Rooting for Bejo. Help might split vote.

9:12: Nope. Oh well.

9:18: The very first focus groups. Uh huh.

9:19: On the one hand, I don't understand why they're doing what's basically an SNL sketch during the Oscars. On the other hand, it has Eugene Levy and Fred Willard, two of the funniest men alive, in one place. And Larry from "Newhart."

9:22: Film editing. Rooting for "Dragon Tattoo." Will probably be Hugo.

9:24: Wow! Okay, they got it right.

9:25: Anyone want to start placing bets now as to which deceased individual will be egregiously ignored when they get to that part?

9:25: Sound editing. Took me too long to put up "Hugo," but that's what I thought.

9:26: If they do Sound Mixing next, that'll probably be Hugo as well.

9:28: Okay, can't say I didn't call this one. Although really, from the brief clips they showed, it almost seems like Transformers should win, considering the hellacious amount of noise they have to deal with.

9:30: As long as Cirque doesn't do an interpretative dance to "War Horse," I'll be happy.

9:34: Finally! The Muppets!

9:35: Yeah. When I go to the movies, there's always guys swinging overhead. I hate those guys. They're almost as bad as the people talking on their phones.

9:36: The poor director. He has no freaking idea where to point the camera. One of the performers just fell, but he seems okay.

9:37: Clooney looks fascinated. His girlfriend is sitting there looking like, "God, I hate Cirque. Maybe I should have gone to the bathroom."

9:37: Jesus, lady! Down in front!

9:38: Caroline just said, "That's how to do it, yo." Who IS this child?

9:40: "The Flo-Max theater." Like that he's addressing the aging of the audience straight on, especially considering all the people who felt he was too old to host.

9:41: I never realized how much taller Paltrow is than he is. Or maybe she's just wearing high heels. Love the documentary gag, though.

9:44: Ah, they're trying to play them off. First time.

9:45: Animated. If they're doing animated short, Fantastic Flying Books. For feature, I'd love to see Rango win just because it was borderline surreal. I also like that Puss in Boots is up against A Cat in Paris. When was the last time you saw a real cat fight at the Oscars.

9:47: Holy crap! Rango won! Nailed it! Booyah.

9:51: Okay, well that seemed kinda pointless.

9:53: My God, he barely comes up to her shoulder. And why does she look like a big Christmas present?

9:55: Will probably be Hugo. Love to see "Real Steel" take it. Wait, I take it back; it should be Planet of the Apes. Just to give Serkis his moment.

9:56: Damn, I hate that I was right on this. It really SHOULD have been Apes. Bad enough that Serkis got screwed over. If they'd won, it would have been a chance to acknowledge him during the Oscarcast and get in their faces about it.

9:58: Oh, thank God, I thought they were about to do a Harry Potter sketch.

9:58: Man, best supporting. That's brutal. I'd guess at Von Sydow, but it's purely guess.

10:01: Well, Plummer was my second guess. But hey, Von Sydow still has a chance to set the record for oldest actor to win. Let's see if they have the balls to play Plummer off.

10:03: They were playing off the documentary people by now. Man, what a gracious and witty speech. THIS is how it's done. They were smart not to even TRY to play him off.

10:08: They're thinking, "Oh God, not this schtick."

10:09: If "The Artist" wins, you just KNOW they'll bring the dog on with them. That alone is enough reason to root for them.

10:10: Who the hell is this guy? He looks like a police captain. And why is he guarding his crotch so diligently?

10:11: Okay, Billy is really settling in nicely. "Thanks for whipping the crowd into a frenzy."

10:12: Music. If it's best original score, it's criminal if "The Artist" doesn't win.

10:14: Excellent. They're now saying that the guy who won has no formal education in scoring. Meanwhile four other composes are now going, "Really? REALLY? Yeah, THAT was tuition money down the drain."

10:15: The audience is filled with the greatest sound people in Hollywood. Is there ANYONE THERE WHO CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE GODDAMN FEEDBACK FROM THE MICROPHONE?!

10:16: Is it just me or does the giant music book look like two huge butt cheeks?

10:17: Well, obviously this has to be Man or Muppet.

10:18: Once Jim Parsons was in the mix, it was a sure thing. I feel sorry for the "Rio" guys. 50/50 chance and they lost out. You just don't get better odds than that and they still came up short.

10:20: Good lord, for a moment I thought they'd revived "Pan Am."

10:24: Screw that. Let them buy the Mets.

10:24: Sorry, Billy. Only Robin Williams can pull off the backward talking them.

10:25: For those who think the customer is always right, keep in mind that at some point Angelina Jolie thought that dress looked good.

10:26: Best adapted. Should be "Moneyball"; will be "Hugo."

10:27: Hunh. Okay. I thought the script for "Descendants" was pretty good, but "Hugo" was better. And remember, kids: If you do a great movie adaptation of a book, you're called an Oscar winner. If you do a great book adaptation of a movie, you're called a talented hack.

10:28: Best original screenplay. Should be "Midnight in Paris." Could be "Artist." Be insane if it were Bridesmaids.

10:30: Has anyone ever considered the possibility that Woody Allen never attends because he figures he couldn't do a good enough job hiding disappointment if he lost?

10:31: "It sticks to you. It becomes part of your existence." Oddly, so does chewing gum if you swallow it.

10:33: Sooner or later, the Oscars are going to be like the Super Bowl: Fun to watch for the commercials.

10:36: Oh, thank God. After Jolie, I was worried that women had suddenly forgotten how to wear make-up or dress elegantly. Thank you, Mila.

10:38: Best live action short. No clue. Although time freak looks cute.

10:40: Oh well. A film that I never saw or heard of was beaten out by another film I never saw or heard of.

10:42: I dunno. The one with Elvis?

10:43: Kathleen just told me what "Saving Face" was about. I'm really glad it won. Yes, I believe that the GOP is waging a war against American women, but this movie is about Pakistani women who get acid thrown in their faces. Jesus.

10:44: Morgan Freeman is so bored he can't even bring himself to applaud.

10:44: Flying Books?

10:45: Well, I had that one (wait for it…) covered.

10:46: I wonder if the women in the blue outfits are giving out No-Doze.

10:50: You'd think that Michael Douglas only made "Fatal Attraction." A billion movie trailers feature "The American President" and whenever Douglas comes out at an award show it's always Fatal Attraction.

10:51: C'mon, best director for "The Artist." Probably Scorsese, though.

10:52: HOT DAMN! One step closer to the dog on stage. I think he's probably right about being the happiest director in the world right now. All the competition for the title of happiest director in the world are staring up at him and I doubt they're happier than he is.

10:55: Meryl Streep is a dedicated Horta? What?

10:58: Yea! Three winners for huge awards who aren't being allowed anywhere near a microphone! That'll move things along.

11:03: My guess: Betty Garrett will be overlooked.

11:04: Are we doing this AGAIN? Wasting screen time on a singer and then they'll claim that there wasn't enough time?

11:07: Yup. Missed Betty Garrett.

11:11: If she sees herself on the screen, she knows she exists? Somewhere a psychiatrist is saying, "Oh, I could have a field day with her."

11:12: Thank God Billy Crystal is puncturing the pretensions of these ridiculous montages.

11:13: Ah, Natalie Portman. The girl my daughter Shana couldn't stand when they were both 10 years old at an acting camp in Long Island. "That stupid Natalie Portman acts like she'll be a movie star! She's so obnoxious!" Ah,the old days.

11:15: Best actor. Clooney is the one to beat, although obviously I'm rooting for Dujardin.

11:16: If Dujardin wins, will he speaks soundlessly into the mike? At least there won't be any feedback.

11:17: Shocking to think Oldman's never been nominated.

11:18: Yes!

11:20: Ah well. If he had spoken silently, people would have just thought his mike was cut.

11:24: Best actress. Wow, this is a tough one. For sheer fearlessness, I'm rooting for Mara. But it'd be nice if Close finally won instead of just coming, uhm…close. Wouldn't surprise me if Viola Davis took it, though.

11:26: Just seeing that clip makes me think, "How do you NOT vote for Mara?"

11:30: Aw, come ON. DAMMIT. This is the first one I got wrong that I'm actually pissed off about.

11:30: Yes, Meryl. As proven by this blog, that is indeed what America said. Like Obi-Wan, you heard the sound of millions of voices crying out, "COME ON!"

11:32: I wish Tom Cruise had come sliding out in his socks and jockey shorts and starting lip synching to "Old Time Rock and Roll." That would have amused me.

11:33: So obviously I'm rooting for "The Artist." But boy, the Oscars have been so spread around it's impossible to predict.

11:34: I wonder how they do split screens of everybody for reactions without it looking like Hollywood Squares.

11:35: YES! YES YES YES! BRING THE DOG! BRING THE DOG!

11:36: Now let the dog upstage him!

11:38: Ah well, the dog didn't upstage him. I was happy otherwise, though.

Good night, everyone. Hope your favorites won.