DON'T MESS WITH MAMA
Fight like a mother.
You’ve probably seen the t-shirts – and may even own one. (Mine says “Tough Like A Mother.”)
The idea of the feisty mama fighting for her family wasn’t even a gleam in Elizabeth Cady Stanton’s eye in the 19th century…but even then, a mother was allowed to do otherwise unacceptable things to protect her children.
In a time when women and their children were the legal property of their men, there was only one scenario when a woman was allowed – and sometimes even encouraged – to exercise real economic or social power: as a widowed mother. As the protector of her children, a woman might be allowed to run her, and their, affairs in ways that she would never be permitted to when a man was around.
Not that she wasn’t still on a leash. Usually, there was some male relative floating around to “watch over” mom, because she was still a woman, after all.
Even so, motherhood was one of the few areas where a 19th century woman got the benefit of the doubt. She was assumed to be acting in the interests of her children, unless she proved herself to be an “unnatural mother” in some way, which usually required a good bit of effort.
Motherhood didn’t just confer economic strength, either.
Sometimes it meant superhuman strength in a more literal way.
Women were allowed to step away from the hearth for a bit and protect their children more directly if there was a serious threat. Sensational, and much enjoyed, stories of brave pioneer women who scared off grizzly bears, colonial goodwives who saved their crops from the Redcoats, or just a lady who pulled her toddler out of the path of a runaway grocery wagon, were all a far cry from the Angel in the House.
But they all ended the same way. Mama plays the heroine and wards off the threat…and then hugs her cherubs, picks up her embroidery and returns to her spot by the fire. People – especially male people – were just barely comfortable with the idea that a woman might occasionally have to do something un-womanly in the defense of her family…but not with the idea that she would make a regular thing of it.
They didn’t call her the Avenging Angel in the House, after all!
No, they called her “Mother, Queen of Home.” That’s a real 19th century song, with a hearts-and-flowers picture of a lovely woman cuddling an infant and two more adorable (clean and non-cranky, too!) children clustering adoringly about her. The Queen of Home might take up arms to defend her castle, but no one’s going to talk about that unless they have to!
Still, women were very well aware of who and what they were; more than a few referred to themselves as lionesses defending their cubs when they had to take some action on their children’s behalf. But they also knew that they’d have a much better chance of ensuring happy lives for themselves – and their children – by playing the Queen of Home right up to the moment the lioness had to take over.
Tough like a mother, indeed!
Got a #ThrowbackThursday idea? Drop it in the comments!
You’ve probably seen the t-shirts – and may even own one. (Mine says “Tough Like A Mother.”)
The idea of the feisty mama fighting for her family wasn’t even a gleam in Elizabeth Cady Stanton’s eye in the 19th century…but even then, a mother was allowed to do otherwise unacceptable things to protect her children.
In a time when women and their children were the legal property of their men, there was only one scenario when a woman was allowed – and sometimes even encouraged – to exercise real economic or social power: as a widowed mother. As the protector of her children, a woman might be allowed to run her, and their, affairs in ways that she would never be permitted to when a man was around.
Not that she wasn’t still on a leash. Usually, there was some male relative floating around to “watch over” mom, because she was still a woman, after all.
Even so, motherhood was one of the few areas where a 19th century woman got the benefit of the doubt. She was assumed to be acting in the interests of her children, unless she proved herself to be an “unnatural mother” in some way, which usually required a good bit of effort.
Motherhood didn’t just confer economic strength, either.
Sometimes it meant superhuman strength in a more literal way.
Women were allowed to step away from the hearth for a bit and protect their children more directly if there was a serious threat. Sensational, and much enjoyed, stories of brave pioneer women who scared off grizzly bears, colonial goodwives who saved their crops from the Redcoats, or just a lady who pulled her toddler out of the path of a runaway grocery wagon, were all a far cry from the Angel in the House.
But they all ended the same way. Mama plays the heroine and wards off the threat…and then hugs her cherubs, picks up her embroidery and returns to her spot by the fire. People – especially male people – were just barely comfortable with the idea that a woman might occasionally have to do something un-womanly in the defense of her family…but not with the idea that she would make a regular thing of it.
They didn’t call her the Avenging Angel in the House, after all!
No, they called her “Mother, Queen of Home.” That’s a real 19th century song, with a hearts-and-flowers picture of a lovely woman cuddling an infant and two more adorable (clean and non-cranky, too!) children clustering adoringly about her. The Queen of Home might take up arms to defend her castle, but no one’s going to talk about that unless they have to!
Still, women were very well aware of who and what they were; more than a few referred to themselves as lionesses defending their cubs when they had to take some action on their children’s behalf. But they also knew that they’d have a much better chance of ensuring happy lives for themselves – and their children – by playing the Queen of Home right up to the moment the lioness had to take over.
Tough like a mother, indeed!
Got a #ThrowbackThursday idea? Drop it in the comments!
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N. K. Jemisin