Do you want to win at life? Find your tribe!In the gym today I was struck with a statement by Tim...

Do you want to win at life? Find your tribe!

In the gym today I was struck with a statement by Tim Glover (trainer of Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Charles Barkley and more)…the statement cut to the bone and helped me see what I have had been missing in my life. I say had because things changed for me last week and I found everything that this statement represents and I couldn’t be more thankful and grateful than I am right now.

ATTENTION: I’m about to get real here, so please know that I’m not holding back (much) on this post, I’m speaking my truth.

I don’t know about anyone else but I have longed for deep, meaningful relationships with other men.

I’m talking about:

men that are open to debate and disagreement without being dicksmen that hold you accountable and call your ass on the on the carpet when you don’t do what you say you will domen that have your back when shit hits the fan and won’t allow you to make excuses when some of that shit is your ownmen that inspire you to push yourself harder than you thought possible while encouraging your progress no matter how smallmen that are committed to being and building better men because they know that it is necessary for our families, for our communities and for our world

I’m not talking about male humanoids that are just barely standing upright, a hair away from dragging their knuckles, grunting and living life as though the world revolves around them. This isn’t the “boys will be boys” mentality that has taken over our society and this is sure as hell isn’t the infamous “bro culture” that permeates so many “men’s ministries” and programs designed for dudes today.

I am talking about real men, that understand what it means to be a real man and are committed to helping other real men come into their own. I am talking about a brotherhood that lives by a code, holds others to that same code and protects that code because they understand the value that this code means for our families, our communities and our world.

I have been looking for anything that closely resembles this for years and haven’t found a place to go and truly relate with without having to give up a part of who I am and what makes me tick. There are communities like this but I found I had to hold back, I couldn’t say what was really on my mind, I couldn’t ask the hard questions and truly be myself without risking the backlash of / from the group.

That is until last week…I found a brotherhood of men that are there committed to inspire my growth, support my efforts to become a better men, call me on the carpet for not doing what I said I would do and who aren’t asking me to be anyone but myself as I seek to become a better version of myself every day. I have found my tribe.

I was tired of the bullshit posts that littered my Twitter feed everyday. It was the same old shit everyday; this party hates these people, this politician has corrupted this party, in one breath we have to love one another and in the other we need to cancel this person because we don’t agree with them, the world is a disaster and without hope because of this person, everything is meaningless and hopeless because of that person…words words words - words but nothing meaningful or of value for me.

It was getting old and it was time to start looking for new content, new people to follow or a new space in which to engage all together. I happened upon a post that resonated with me and called me to be a better man…and then another and another and soon I found several accounts to follow that were giving me the feed I was looking for. I found a group of men that were engaging and inspiring me to greatness…and I wanted in. I started to reach out to some of them, started conversations and realized that I might have found my tribe.

It’s been only one week and I can tell you now that I am a more real and authentic version of myself than I have been for years. I can talk about the issues that concern me, I can speak to my fears, insecurities and doubts, I can step up and lean into my strengths and trust that these men have my back every step of the way!

I have found a strength that has translated into every area of my life (body, mind and spirit) and can’t even tell you how excited I am to see this continue to play out over the coming weeks and months.

Here is why finding your tribe is important (and the quote to which I referred at the beginning of this post…did you forget about that?):

to win at life you need allies more than you need friends

Allies have common goals, values and languageAllies pool their resources for the greater goodAllies build larger networks and work for a higher causeAllies have what it takes to win any challenge facing them

For a moment I had the thought that this is also what friends do but to be honest I have found that most of the time, friends tell you what you want to hear above all else. Friends stick around as long as they get something out of the exchange. I know that is a broad brushstroke and not always true but allies work with you to find success because your success impacts their success and the success of those who’s lives are touched by the collective tribe.

I am tired of “getting by in life” and hearing what “I want to hear”, I want to win and win in a big way. I know that in order for me to win, I need men in my life that won’t tell me what I need to hear or make me feel good about who I am in life, where I am in life or what I do in life…I need allies that will get in my face and call me out to become the greatest version of myself possible!

I found my allies. I found my tribe. I thank god for the brotherhood that I found and cannot wait to continue down this path with them.

What about you? Are you surrounded by those that will call you to greatness and will not let you quit when things get rough?

My advice: If you want to win at life…find your tribe. Whatever that looks like for you…find your tribe.