What are Your Words Saying?I was in a meeting today, listening to everyone talk….and talk and...

What are Your Words Saying?

I was in a meeting today, listening to everyone talk….and talk and talk. I don’t know about y'all but it drives me nuts to site in a meeting that ends up with the group talking in circles without going anywhere.

Now listen, I understand the need for this type of “processing” to a point. I am one who processes externally; I like to talk through what I am thinking, feeling or believing and my hear myself say the words. Often when I say something “out loud” I change my mind, adjust my thinking or hold firmly to my position. My goal in processing this way is to work it out “out loud” in order to come to an internal consensus.

But that isn’t what happens in these meetings most of the time. Often it feels like we talk without any direction or purpose in mind.

Have you ever watched as someone talk just to hear their own voice? Someone will pick up the mic, say words, use buzz words, drop corporate speak and industry lingo in order to impress OR to convince the group that they have something to say but often they don’t know what they are talking about (or have an understanding of what is really even going on in the meeting).

I sat in the meeting today for a moment and thought “what are your words saying?” Truly, what is it that you are trying to say?

And then I thought about the amount of words they were using and asked “what are [the number of] your words saying?”

I started to wonder if people talk, “just to talk” OR if they talk because they are afraid to get to the point OR if they talk because they don’t want to appear unknowledgeable about the topic at hand.

I don’t think people go into meetings without reason or purpose. I don’t think most of the people that I interact with are there without an opinion or an idea. I don’t think that most people are completely full of shit and just run their mouths to take up space or to use words (that is unless they are on Twitter where this is seems to be the accepted culture)

I do believe that there really could be something deeper at play with the idea of “words for the sake of words”…and then I turned the question inward and think I struck gold! (at least it was gold for me)

I asked myself…Donavon:

Do you ever talk just to hear yourself talk? Do you ever talk without having a purpose or direction? Do you ever talk without an idea worth sharing?Do you ever talk with the underlying fear of just “making the ask”?

And then I answered myself:

No but there are times that I don’t have an answer and I feel that I am expected to say something. My strategy here is to start talking and keep the answer as close to the topic as possible in order to give the appearance that I know what I am talking about and hopefully stay close enough the subject to answer the question.see above… and I don’t ever start talking without purpose but there are times that I am not comfortable getting to the purpose because I feel like it is “off topic” or that my “purpose” is juxtaposed to the group and I don’t want to muddy the waters. It then becomes easy to talk around the topic rather than speaking to it directly.Unless I am supporting another idea, I seldom start talking without an idea or thought that I believe would valuable to the group. My struggle is, as a dreamer and forward thinker, often my ideas are out of scope or V2,V3 or V4. So I can easily derail the group (which isn’t healthy either). There are times that I have to keep my ideas in check to make sure that I am not the one muddying the waters.I don’t want to answer this…because honestly this “underlying fear” is true more often than I care to say. So now I am compelled to dig into this “underlying fear” a bit more…why am I so afraid? afraid to ask questions? afraid to share my ideas? afraid to speak up? afraid to offer my opinions? afraid to make an ask?

So let’s dig in…some of it goes back to what I shared recently around feeling like I don’t have a voice or that nobody wants to hear my voice. Some of it has to do with the fact that I don’t take the time to plan out my conversations enough ahead of time but the truth goes deeper…I’m afraid to make the ask because I don’t want to “put anyone out”.

I don’t know if y'all have ever heard that saying but as a kid my grandma would always hold back and not ask for help because you didn’t want the other person to suffer…I think there was some sense of “it is better for me to suffer by doing without than to make the other person suffer by going without”. As I am thinking about it, there was probably a sense of “humility” and “strength” in there BUT I now believe that to be a false sense of humility and strength.

I have taken on that false sense of humility and strength -

“I will just continue to suffer through and take the pain and others will see this and acknowledge how amazing I am.”

psst…the truth is that this is bullshit thinking

The TRUTH is that most people aren’t thinking about me and what I think when I am not there. The TRUTH is that most people are more than willing and able to provide value if asked. The TRUTH is that nobody is going to fight for my needs and wants more than me and I won’t get the support I need unless the “ask” comes of out of my mouth. The TRUTH is that keeping my mouth shut and not sharing my voice, speaking my truth and “making the ask” is weakness and nothing more AND it is on ME to make the change.

IF I need to prepare for the meeting beforehand in order to be ready to share insights that add value….that’s on me.

IF I need to stay engaged in the meeting in order to answer the questions that are being asked…that’s on me.

IF I don’t know the answer to the question and need to admit such in order to get back to them with an answer…that’s on me.

IF I need to make the ask…that’s on me to be precise about what needs said and what needs to be asked for the result I am looking for.

[I am going to let you in on a secret…this applies to everything from meetings to conversations. Personally, I find these struggles to be true at the office, with friends, in the home, etc.]

Hopefully you have caught on that “what are my words saying?” really has two meanings and applications:

am I running my mouth and using a lot of words to do so?am I precisely speaking my truth and making my ask?

That said, I am going to make some changes and challenge you to consider the same if you find yourself in a similar situation.

My goal for conversations moving forward:

Prepare to share my point of view if asked and prepare to make my ask if anything is needed.Stay engaged in the meeting/conversation to understand what is being said and how I need to adjust my POV or ASK accordingly.Clearly and precisely state my point of view (this is the Twitter Version or the TLDR - Too Long Didn’t Read Version).Boldly make my ask…period. If they say “no” then we can have discussion but make the ask and let the chips fall where they may!

So there it is…what are your words saying?

My words haven’t been great at times…that is going to change as I put the “goals” into action on future conversations / meetings.