Day 202 - Discipline Pt. 2 (5 More Things)

1. Finishing the first draft of a MS should be cause for celebration, no matter how much of a trash fire it is. Mine is definitely a trash fire, but I can’t bring myself to celebrate something I should have been able to finish months ago. I’ve been told by many friends I need to give myself some grace, we’ve been in a pandemic and this past year has been an emotional trash fire for me, personally. Giving grace to myself if one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do, and I haven’t mastered it yet.

2. Motivation and discipline go hand in hand. The key is finding the motive that triggers the discipline.

3. Here comes the competing narratives for wellness and body positivity. The wellness industry— the diet industry with a woke name—is a scam. No doubt. And people should be able to be proud and accepting of their bodies whatever their shape and size. I am not happy with my body shape or size. I want to lose weight for a number of reasons; I feel better with less weight, I look better with less weight, I move better with less weight, I want to prove to myself that I have the discipline to achieve a personal goal I’ve set. I felt amazing last night after I worked out, and need to remember that whenever I want to slag off exercise.

4. It’s Cinco de Mayo today. Later, I’m eating tacos.

5. I was told recently to “look inward” by someone who thinks being self-reflective is reflecting on how right they are all the time. I’ve been looking inward for decades, constantly interrogating everything I say, every action I take, and willingly finding fault with myself for it all. It’s a real challenge breaking from that cycle, to see the good in me. To be who I am without trying to fit another’s mold of who I should be. A constant struggle. A different kind of discipline.