So, last week was a Week. This is going to be long and I’m sorry. No worries at all if you...

So, last week was a Week.

This is going to be long and I’m sorry. No worries at all if you want to just start scrolling on by right now, lol.

So, I’m poor. I’ve always been poor. My parents have always been poor, and I didn’t have any help with university. I went to school in Canada (aka my country), at least, so my tuition was much lower than in the US, say, but I was still all on my own for it, living expenses, all of it, so obviously I had to get student loans, along with work my butt off for bursuries, etc. I did my masters in opera, which is a HIGHLY competitive field, including at the grad school level, and the short version is, there’s no money for sopranos - they give it all to men. So: limited financial aid, too. Aka: loans. One of the major reasons that I left the opera field was that I’m just too poor. You have to pay for everything yourself - every pianist for every audition, all of your performance clothes, audition clothes, recordings for demos, travel expenses, agent fees (if you get far enough to have one of those), new headshots every six months, etc. It only works for singers with rich parents or a partner who’s earning a lot and supporting them. My parents are dirt poor and I’m single, so: screwed.

Now, my museum job is full-time, but it pays only just above minimum wage. My city is one where people typically live at home until they’re 35, then buy a house and get married. There are very few apartments compared to most cities I’ve lived in, so rents are high. My rent is easily a good 75-80% of my income, and whatever I have left is how I pay the bills. Every six months I have to reapply to defer student loan payments, with proof of my measly income, and every time, huge stress though it is, I get approved. Except last time. Last time, apparently I was approved, but only to pay a lower amount than what they would have charged, aka $450 or so/month, which I obviously don’t have to spare. This time, they approved me for a LOWER amount, not nothing, which had been the case every other time. I didn’t see it. I just saw that I was approved. So now, six months later, it’s time to reapply but I couldn’t, because I was six months late on all of these lower amounts, and had to pay it all at once.

The next problem? The money I had to use for that is the money I was going to pay my income taxes with. That’s a whole other nightmare - the CRA (Canada Revenue Agency, may their name and entire institution be cursed), somehow conflated my account with my mother’s about a year ago when she applied for benefits due to being laid off because of the pandemic. She applied for and received benefits to the tune of $4,000. The T4E’s for those benefits are somehow on my account. I spent over 10 hours on the phone with these jackasses last week and it’s still not sorted out. I ended up filing without acknowledging my mother’s benefits, with a lengthy explanatory note, and then had to borrow money from my (again, dirt poor) parents, and somehow also make May 1st rent for the next day.

It’s so gross. I made my rent, but I’m up the creek now, because I have nothing left over to pay my bills. As it is, I’m generally reliant on those you AMAZING human beings who support me on Patreon - I usually have to wait until that comes in before I can pay my bills. This time around, because of the rest of it, I don’t have a way to make ends meet. I hate, hate, HATE asking, especially because I’ve asked before, but if there’s any way at all that you think you can help, any amount would be seriously amazing. PLEASE don’t if you already have before, if you already support me on Patreon, or if you don’t have it to spare. I mean it. This is just a last little plea I’m putting out there into the universe, just on the off chance.

The best way would be via PayPal - I use my fandom account, silentauror@yahoo.com. If you’re in any way ticked off by this post, I’m sorry, I really, really am. I find this massively embarrassing and this entire post comes with a heaping serving of cringe on my part.

That said, the best way I know of to repay the incredible kindness and generosity that this fandom has shown me over and over again, from reading my fics to liking my posts to supporting me financially and emotionally and in all the other ways, I’m going to put in a solid chunk of work on the current fic, starting right now. It’s over 37,400 words in and the end is in sight!