Super serial, you guys.

Sometimes stuff gets too serious, and I forgot why I got into this gig in the first place. I have a tendency to do that: Put so much of myself into one thing that the joy gets kind of sapped out of it. I take everything a little too seriously. Meditation has to be serious. Working out has to be serious. Quality time has to be serious quality time. I have to be a serious writer. It's my bag, but I think some of it comes from the culture I've put myself in. This entrepreneurship, social business thing that's trending... I've surrounded myself with a lot of pals - real and virtual - who have taken something and have really run with it. Who have made empires out of it, who have dedicated themselves so thoroughly to their vision and goals that everyone else around them just kind of has to stand back and marvel in amazement. They did it, I think to myself, when I read their Facebook feeds or blog posts. They committed and dedicated and worked and they did it. I could do it, too, if I just worked a little harder. I could do it, too, if I just got serious about it. If I got serious about everything.  But then that stuff gets to be a drag, and I find myself procrastinating. Which, especially when it comes to the writing, is ridiculous. Writing is the one thing that fills my soul more than anything else! It's the thing I love doing more than anything else! It should be the last thing I put off. It should be the one thing I put everything else off for. 
But I make things a chore. I realized today that I'm really, really good at that. I put weight on those things because I want them to have meaning. And then I put so much meaning on them that I end up self-paralyzing myself - what if I do this wrong? What if I put time into the wrong thing and then I have to go back and do it all over again? What if I do it the wrong way and then I end up regretting it for the rest of my life?!! 
And it's like that with the writing. Over the past couple of weeks, I've been listening to a few Nerdist podcasts where writing has been a topic. A unifying theme has come out for me - every time writing has come up, someone has said something about how the first draft should be the easiest - you just write and write and write and don't really care about it until it's finished, and THEN you go back and care about it. And I'm driving and listening and thinking to myself - but I really care. For me, the first draft is the hardest, because I want to do it right the first time. And with the couple projects I'm working on right now, it's really, really important to me that every word is right. These books are my life's work. If I don't end up having children of my own...these are going to be it, you know?  Then, last night and this morning, I found myself wistfully wishing for a time when I could write something with gleeful abandon...something that's just fun. Like a Harlequin romance, or a teen movie, or a paranormal romance. Get wrapped up in the adventure of it. Something I could whip off in a week. And whenever I have that thought - that sort of writing-vacation-fantasy - I know that I'm taking the writing shiz too seriously. I'm supposed to be working on this writing thing because I love it. Because I would rather do it than anything else. And if it's getting to be a drag...then I'm coming at it from the wrong angle. And I started writing about this on the blog and then realized...I do this with the blog, too. I catch myself getting too stupidly self-important with them (But what is the point of this post? What can the reader get out of this? How will this affect their lives?) when the whole point of the blog is having a space where I can write about whatever the fuck I want. 
YOU HEAR THAT, KEVIN? THIS IS MY SPACE FOR WRITING WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
My point is: I am an important person. And I do lots of important stuff. But sometimes, even I need to take a moment to laugh. To play! Like with this blog post...it really doesn't have a point - no lesson, no goal, no "And then today I learned ___". It's basically me just talking about myself and some stuff I've thought about. And as you probably know since you're already reading this blog, that's some pretty fucking cool stuff. So let's just all have some fun, you guys. Let's stop taking life so seriously all the time! Let's just make sure that everything we do is fun and that we love it and that it makes us super happy, okay?
And now I'm gonna go write some more...because fuck that Olivia Munn, right?! She gets to be smart and funny and super hot and on TV and movies AND now she's also a book writer? C'mon! We won't even talk about the fact that she potentially made out with Justin Timberlake and got to work with Jon Stewart. You're lighting a fire under me, Olivia Munn. A fire of funness...but one that burns all the same...