Great Grief Advice From an Unexpected Source

Sometimes the best help comes from places we least expect it.

A number of years ago, I was struggling with a terrible loss in my life. The pain, anxiety, and confusion were nearly debilitating.

Every day, I rolled out of bed and headed out to visit those who were dying. As a hospice chaplain, I entered my patients’ and their families’ worlds and walked with them through this uncharted territory.

For this kind of work, you want to have a full tank. Mine was almost empty.

One day, I was visiting Steve (not his real name), an ALS patient in his late 40’s. Steve could still talk, but all he could move below his neck was one finger on his left hand.

As I was listening to Steve that day, he suddenly stopped talking and gazed into my eyes.

“Gary, are you okay? Is something troubling you?”

I blinked, pursed my lips, and sighed.

“I’m sorry, Steve. Yes, I’m worried – about a lot of things,” I said.

I’ll never forget Steve’s reply.

“Dude, worry is bad stuff. It will eat your mind.”

After our visit, I went out and sat in my car for about half and hour. I talked out loud about every worry, fear, and concern I could think of. I released them as best I could, one by one.

Along the grief journey, we wonder about a lot. Wonder often leads to worry. Worry morphs into fear. Fear produces anxiety. Anxiety fuels more fear, worry, and wondering.

It’s a vicious, never-ending cycle.

Steve was right. Worry is bad stuff. It will eat our minds.

Do you struggle with worry? Has fear been a part of your grief journey? Has anxiety invaded your life?

If so, how have you dealt with these things? What have you found to be helpful?

If you feel stuck, what do you wish you could do? What do you think might help?

If you’re scared, worried, or anxious today, please know that these things are extremely common in grief. Your heart has been hit. Your life has been upended.

Identify what you’re concerned about. Unmask those worries and fears. Release them as best you can. When they knocking again, call them out and release them again.

Take good care of you today. You’re more important than you know.

Question: What do you think about the questions above? Do any of them resonate with you? Feel free to leave a comment below.

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