I can't wait for you to read Matter of Time so here are the first two chapters!
TRIGGER WARNING for Matter of Time!!!
This is Nicole's book so some of you know what the topic is. If you have a particular trigger, please feel free to reach out and I'll let you know the topic before you read. Otherwise, I now introduce Kade and Nicole in Matter of Time.
CHAPTER ONE
NICOLE
“You were flirting with him! I saw you!” He grabs my arm and begins squeezing, the strength of his fingertips digging into my skin. My heart races as I plead.
“He asked me where the bathroom was. I was just answering his question!”
His face contorts, his eyes darkening. He looks like pure evil. “So you could go with him and blow him? Huh? Answer me! Do you want his dick in your mouth?”
“No!” I yell, but he’s not listening, too enraged to calm down. “It’s you I love! You!”
“You’re mine, do you understand? MINE!”
My cheekbone feels like it explodes as he backhands my face. I have no doubt my skin has broken open. The blood is already oozing down my cheek.
“How dare you make me hit you like this. This is all your fault!”
He roars with anger and… I startle awake, my face pressing so hard into the pillow that my cheek aches.
I quickly run my hand down my face. No blood.
“It wasn’t real,” I whisper to myself. “Only a nightmare.”
Finally satisfied I’m safe in my apartment, I roll onto my back and breathe in… two, three, four… hold, two, three, four… and out, two, three, four… hold. My heart begins to calm and the normal sounds around me start to register.
Another roar from outside my door and I finally put together what loud noises woke me up.
Trivia Night at Frui Vita.
Grabbing the remote, I turn my small television off and slide my jeans on. I’m not sure how I fell asleep on the couch. I usually don’t go to bed until the bar is closed. I must be extra tired tonight. The last thing I remember is someone named Alex being added to The Circle. I didn’t stay awake long enough to find out if he’s a catfish.
This is what my life has come to. Living in a small apartment in the back of my almost brother-in-law’s bar and binge-watching reality television every night. Pathetic. At some point, I need to look at moving on with my life. It’s been months since I left my jerk boyfriend, Jeremy. While he still plagues me in nightmares, I want to have a life when I’m awake, not be stuck in this limbo I’ve found myself in.
Making sure I have my keys, I head out the door locking it behind me. My makeup probably looks awful and my hair is piled on top of my head, but whatever. It’s late and I doubt I know any of the customers tonight. Heath and his football team are still away at training camp and with the exception of a few others, they are the only guys I know. And only because Heath is my nephew’s godfather so he’s always around.
I ease my way up to the bar and sit on the stool that I claimed months ago. I’ve got my back to a wall, my side to the counter, and I can see every inch of the large room. I feel safest sitting here. I’m also out of the way while my sister works.
Somehow though, she always knows when I join her. I don’t even say hello before she’s setting a glass of Sprite down in front of me.
“Thanks.” I lean on the bar and take a sip of my non-alcoholic beverage, observing the team play happening near the stage. The guys at one of the tables are wearing matching neon green shirts. It makes me smile. “How’s Trivia Night going?”
Kiersten wipes her hands on a towel and grabs the shaker. I’m always in awe watching her work. She’s only been here a little over a year and has multi-tasking down pat. “Busy as always.”
Frui Vita is a low-key establishment that caters to the professional athletes in the area, and there are a lot of them. The outside of this place looks like a random dive bar on the side of the road. But the inside is gorgeous with its wood beams and black accents. It’s become a favorite stop for the people who want to let their hair down without being bombarded with fans or people taking shady pictures to sell to the tabloids later.
“Which team is that?” I ask, tipping my head toward the guys in green. I barely get the question out before more cheers erupt and a huge guy with floppy blond hair stands up so quickly his chair falls backward. He raises his hands in victory, teammates holding their drinks up to give him their salute.
My sister just shakes her head with a smirk. “That would be the Slingers hockey team. Kade said they start preseason in a couple of weeks so apparently tonight is one last hurrah before hitting the ice hard for the next few months.”
“Kade? Is he here tonight?” I pray my cheeks aren’t turning pink just from saying his name. Too many people are in my business now as it is. I don’t want to tip them off that I may have developed a small crush on their newest bartender.
It’s not even a realistic crush. More like a fantasy of who he might be. If I’ve learned anything in the last couple of years, it’s that fantasy and reality are never the same. Ever. So, while I can indulge in a little unrequited interest from afar, I’m not dumb enough to pretend the Kade in my head is the true Kade. I’ll never make that mistake with any man again.
Kiersten finishes her mixing and pours the liquid into a martini glass. “He’s in the back taking a minute before we get another wave of orders. It’s been non-stop.”
Biting my lip, I contemplate pitching an idea to my sister. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Maybe I need to go for it. Like my therapist, Dr. Rhonda would say, what’s the worst that can happen?
Actually, I know the answer to that. I’ve lived it. I have to push past those fears though, because in this context they’re not realistic. Instead, I take a deep breath and toss out my idea before I lose my courage.
“I was thinking, if the offer is still good, maybe I could help you guys out some. I need to do more than just hang out with you and watch television, you know? Maybe start earning some money for my own place.” Kiersten whips her head around to look at me, jaw practically falling to the floor. “But only if you need someone. Not, like as a charity case or whatever…” I tack on quietly regretting that I opened up this conversation. I have no idea how Kiersten is going to react. She’s always made it clear I was welcome to work here. Paul, the owner of this place and her live-in boyfriend, has too. Up until now, I’ve always turned them down, so I’m not surprised by her initial reaction. What I don’t know is if she’s going to play this cool, or if she’s going to do her big sister version of therapy. I’m hoping it’s the former.
To her credit, she pulls herself together and continues on with what she was doing. “We could always use help these days. I know Paul is talking about finally getting the kitchen renovated so we can add more menu options besides pretzels and peanuts. That doesn’t actually help you now, I just forgot to tell you earlier.”
“Oh.” I twist my lips, disappointed they don’t have something more immediate. “Well, I guess just let me know when he needs someone in the kitchen. I’m sure I can figure out how to deep fry chicken strips or whatever.”
“Nicole, I didn’t say we don’t need help now. You just reminded me that more is coming as well. We may have almost doubled the staff around here in the last few months but that still means there are only five of us.”
“We may be back down to four soon,” a male voice says as he slides behind the bar.
Kade.
Please cheeks, don’t blush. You don’t know him. He could be a massive jerk like Jeremy. Don’t get in too deep.
“Oh, hey Nicole.” Kade flashes me a kind smile then immediately gets back to work, grabbing a stack of bowls and filling them with peanuts.
Kiersten on the other hand has her hands on her hips. “What does that mean? Are you quitting?”
“No, but I overheard Sandra arguing with her husband about how late she works.”
Kiersten rolls her eyes so far back in her head it’s a wonder they don’t get stuck there. “This is a bar, not Chuck-E-Cheese. What were they expecting?”
Kade shrugs. “The way it sounded, she knew what she was getting into but he’s not having it.”
A shiver runs down my spine and I say a silent prayer that Sandra isn’t in the same kind of situation I was. I know better than to ask her directly. She probably wouldn’t admit it if there was a deeper problem anyway. The only thing I can do is hope she reads the signs posted in the restroom about getting out of a bad situation and jots down the number in case she needs it.
Turning to me, Kiersten continues to purse her lips in irritation. “Looks like we have a waitressing job opening up soon. Interested?”
I want to say yes. I want to jump at the chance to take back my independence and make some money to start planning my future. I want to more than I’ve wanted almost anything in a very long time.
But I can’t. I’m frozen, thinking about what happens when I walk out in the middle of that room, amongst all those people, all those very large men who are drinking and partying. My breathing starts to pick up as the anxiety of a moment that hasn’t even happened takes over.
I shake my head, partly to force my body to move and partly to answer my sister. “I think it would be better to wait for that kitchen job.”
Kiersten’s face falls. She knows she hit a trigger; she just doesn’t know how. “What? No, I don’t want you to do that.” She puts her hand on my arm, her signature move when she’s trying to show her support of me. “Is it because of all the guys? We can make sure you only work when Paul does so you have back up, or I don’t know, we can figure something out.”
“I can be the waiter.”
Kiersten and I both look up at Kade who is drying a glass now that’s he done with the peanuts.
“You would… why would you do that?” I tilt my head to the side, curious about his answer.
I can tell he’s going for nonchalance but something about the way he moves his hands, maybe because he keeps wiping the glass over and over, has me feeling like he’s nervous. But why?
He licks his lips and swallows slowly. “I can deliver drinks and take orders. If it means you get to stay behind the bar and have some distance between yourself and all that mess.” He looks out into the room, the noise down to a low hum as everyone concentrates on whatever answer they’re searching for.
I, on the other hand, can’t take my eyes off Kade. He’s not tall and he’s a little thicker around the middle than maybe he should be. His glasses have a tendency to slide down his nose and his hair always sticks up in weird ways. He is not what most people would describe as super-hot, but I imagine hugging him would be like being held by a teddy bear—warm and comfortable and most of all, safe. Like nothing outside his embrace can touch me.
I know that’s probably not realistic, but regardless, in my eyes, he’s a true gentleman in a world full of jerks. And my crush has ratcheted up a notch.
Careful there, I think to myself. One nice thing doesn’t mean he’s a saint.
I offer him a quick smile. “Thank you, Kade.”
“Yes, thank you.” Kiersten’s voice sounds boisterous after my almost whisper-like answer. “I’ll talk to Paul about the wage part of the job and see what he has to say.”
“It’s no problem.” Kade glances back over at me one more time, his cheeks tinting the slightest shade of pink, and gets back to work.
Kiersten takes the opportunity to turn back to me, excitement dancing in her eyes. “So you’ll do it? You’ll take the bartender position?”
I only hesitate for a few seconds, long enough to pretend I’m taking a sip of my Sprite when really I’m allowing my anxious thoughts to settle back into their tiny space in my brain before answering.
“Yes. I’ll take the job.”
Kiersten squeals just like I knew she would. I wish I had even a small portion of the enthusiasm she has about me venturing back out into the world. Because as determined as I am to do this, it’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
CHAPTER TWO
Kade
“Come on, little guy,” I say quietly as I scoop up the cricket who accidentally got inside. His chirping has been driving me crazy, but even more so, I know he’ll get squished if I don’t toss him outside.
“Quit hopping around, man. I’m trying to save your life.” I finally get him in my hand and enclose my fingers around him. Crickets are one of the only types of insect that don’t freak me out, even with him trying to hop around inside my fist.
Quickly, I throw him outside into the small grassy area next to the door. My mission finally accomplished, I head back to my station, behind the bar at Frui Vita, my place of employment.
I’ve been working here for about six months and enjoy it for the most part. The pay is great, my boss is fantastic, and no one can say I don’t get enough social interaction. That’s practically all I do here—socialize with customers.
For the most part, everyone else who works here is great, too. Thank God it’s Tammy waitressing tonight, though. Sandra was fine, but I knew she was short-lived. I find it hard to enjoy working with someone when you can see the writing on the wall and know they’ll be leaving you in a lurch again soon.
I never knew I had this judgmental quirk until Paul gave me this job. Now that I’ve been here for so long and we’ve gone through several waitresses, I’m finding it harder to want to get to know the new employees. Why put in the effort when we’re going to get screwed in the end anyway?
I glance over to the end of the bar and see the only person I have the opposite problem with.
Nicole.
She has a curious look on her face and when I accidentally make eye contact, her cheeks pinken and she quickly looks away. I’m not sure what that’s about, but I suspect it’s because she’s a bit on the shy side. Not painfully so, but enough that even with how often she’s here, we haven’t gotten to know each other that well.
I’m hoping that will change soon. She’s getting ready to start working here and is hanging around almost every night to just observe. It’s not like it’s a hard commute since she lives in the back apartment. But I have this feeling she’s excited about getting started, too. I just hope I can maintain some sort of distance when she does.
Not that I’m an aggressive guy, quite the opposite. I just like being near her. From what I’ve learned over the course of the months, she’s got a friendly smile for everyone, she’s witty when she finally feels comfortable talking to someone, and she is easily entertained just by people watching. More than once I’ve noticed her cheer when Dwayne, our human mascot beats someone at pool, or laugh when some rookie is getting hazed by their teammates.
More and more I’ve found myself wanting to get to know everything about her—her likes, her dislikes, her dreams, her fears. Hell, I even want to know what size shoe she wears. That’s how into her I am.
Not that I will ever ask for any of that information. Nicole looks like a bombshell and is the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She deserves so much more than a loser geek like me. She needs to be wined and dined and be covered in jewelry. I prefer video games and Chex Mix and indulge in a Ring Pop every now and then. I’m not at all her type.
No, what she needs is a man like the ones who frequent this bar. They all have money and success. And they’re all very athletic. That’s the kind of man she deserves. Someone who can take care of her and provide for her every desire. I want that for her. I’m hoping when she starts in a couple of days it’ll be the beginning of her finding that perfect person. It’s going to hurt like a bitch to watch, but I’m willing as long as she’s happy.
I finish wiping down the counter as my pseudo-brother Jaxon approaches and leans against the wood top.
“What’s up?”
“I just need a Shiner. And do you have any limes?” He leans over the counter like he can see behind it even though he can’t.
“Sure. Coming up.”
It’s rare to see Jaxon here anymore. Now that he’s started his clinics for medical school he’s either at the hospital, in the library, or sleeping. His wife Annika shows up more than he does and she hates the bar scene, for reasons I’m unsure of. Not that it’s my business anyway.
After grabbing his drink from the small fridge and popping the top, I add a lime wedge to the rim and hand Jaxon his beer. He immediately shoves the wedge inside and takes a long drink before letting out a sigh of contentment.
“How’s it going?” he asks. I’m not all that surprised he’s making small talk. His best friend, Heath Germaine, is at training camp with the San Antonio Steer so the usual crowd Jaxon runs with isn’t here, and since Annika is a sports trainer for the same team, she went with them. Jaxon must really be lonely if he’s here by himself.
“At work or school?”
His body sags onto a stool, no tension to be seen now that’s he’s got his bottle. “Both.”
“School is fine. The semester just started and it’s more basic requirements so it’s not hard. And work is fine. Everyone is still nice. The customers still seem happy. And Paul is still a great boss.”
Jaxon tilts his head in a partial nod. “That he is. I know he likes you working here.”
The comment is unexpected. “He does? How do you know that?”
“He really struggles trying to find a good fit. Doesn’t want to mess with the vibe of the place so he’d have to like you to keep you around.”
I understand exactly what Jaxon means. The vast majority of Frui Vita’s customers are professional athletes and their friends. One of the things they seem to like about me is that I don’t really have any interest in sports. I’m trying to learn more now that I work here, but it isn’t something I have any desire to get deeply involved with. Makes it hard to find common ground when I work, but apparently it also gives the customers a stronger sense of anonymity or something.
“Hey, as long as they’re happy with my work ethic and think I fit in well enough, it’s fine by me.”
“That’s exactly why Paul likes you.” Jaxon begins absentmindedly peeling the label off his beer and I know he has something more on his mind. “So, when are you going to do something about that?”
“About what?”
He points his beer bottle at Nicole. “About your feelings for Nicole.”
“I don’t… There’s not…What feelings?” I finally manage to sputter.
I’m sure my face turns bright red. I can feel the heat rising from my neck. I hope it just looks like I’m flushed from work. Doubt it, though.
Jaxon chuckles, not deceived at all. “You can’t hide the fact that you’re half in love with her from me. I’m your brother.”
He’s actually not my brother. For a while, we thought we shared a biological father since his birth dad cheated on his wife with my mom. DNA proved we were wrong.
While I still don’t know who my father is, Jaxon decided genetics don’t matter anyway and that was that. I’m not sure if he ever told his mom and adoptive dad the truth, but they brought me into their family fold anyway. Mostly just for holidays.
It’s not like I have any other family that gives a shit about me. Mom has always been too busy living her life to actually care what I’m up to. It’s been nice having a pseudo-family step in for no reason other than they want me to be a part of things.
That relationship led to me moving here for school and getting insider information on this job when it came open and now… Nicole. Who I really am in love with despite my attempts to keep those feelings from developing. Still, that’s my own personal business and I don’t need Jaxon pushing the issue. And I certainly don’t need to get fired when my boss finds out I have a hard-on for his soon-to-be sister-in-law.
I grab a bowl of pretzels knowing it’s his preference and place it in front of him, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t even really know her. Besides, she’s related to the boss so she’s off-limits. How are your clinics anyway? Do you get to do a bunch of cool stuff?”
“They’re exhausting and I love it, but don’t change the subject,” he demands. “She is not off-limits because of Paul and don’t try to feed me a bunch of horse shit on that. What’s really going on?”
I shake my head dejectedly. I don’t want to put my thoughts into words. He’s only going to argue with me about the truth I already know and I’m not in the mood for that. Especially with her sitting just across the bar from us. Still, I know he isn’t going to let it go. It seems to be a trait amongst the Hart family.
“I am a college student who hasn’t declared a major yet and relied on his not-quite-brother to get him a job at a bar. I play video games for fun almost nightly and I’m not exactly sexy. She deserves way better than me. So, like I said, she’s off-limits.”
Jaxon’s eyes soften and I want to roll mine at the pity I can see. Yet another reason I don’t like talking about this kind of thing with him. What he thinks is self-deprecating talk is actually real to life. It doesn’t hurt my feelings to know I’m not good enough for her. It is what it is. And what it is, is fact.
“Kade, you’re a great guy—”
“Stop.” I hold my hand up, shocked that he actually complies. “Listen, I know who I am and I’m fine with it. I’m not trying to be anyone I’m not. Plus, Nicole doesn’t need a date right now. She just needs a friend, right?”
Jaxon sighs in defeat. I’m sure this conversation isn’t truly over, but I guess I’ve won this round. “You’re right. A year sometimes feels like a long time but when you’re healing from emotional wounds, it can take longer than that.”
I know what he’s referring to, even if I don’t respond. I haven’t asked for details, but from what I’ve been told Nicole ended up living in this area after her boyfriend beat the crap out of her. Just the thought of it makes me want to punch something even though I’d probably break my hand.
“Exactly. So let it go, will you?”
“For now,” he concedes. It’s as good as I’m going to get tonight.
I nod once. “Tell me about your clinicals. Have you removed any crowbars from anyone’s thigh or done chest compressions while the gurney rolls down the hall?”
Jaxon snorts a laugh and grins. “You’ve been watching too many medical dramas.”
I raise one shoulder quickly. “I learn some good information on those shows.”
“On what shows?” Tammy drops her tray on the counter and looks at us expectantly. She’s always interrupting, but no one minds. We’re always surprised by what she contributes to any conversation. She’s… entertaining.
“Kade seems to think he’s practically a medical student because he likes to watch fictional doctor shows,” Jaxon jokes.
Tammy doesn’t seem to notice his sarcasm. “I’ll tell you, I should have gotten my nursing license from how many episodes I’ve seen of House. Did you know I diagnosed my sister’s husband’s niece with an allergic reaction to the copper in her IUD because of Dr. Gregory House? And what do you know, when she finally took my advice and went to the doctor, I was right. They ripped that thing out of her so fast it’d make your head spin. Within days all that itching in her lady bits was gone. Of course, they ended up with another baby after that, but I suppose you can’t always be rash and child free at the same time, can you?”
Jaxon and I stare at her blankly. I’m not sure if I’m not processing this conversation correctly or if Tammy truly is taking credit for someone else’s unplanned pregnancy.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, she jumps back in.
“Got some orders for you when you’re ready.”
“Yeah now’s a good time,” I say quickly, praying she doesn’t remember some other random story about the time she wasn’t really a medical student and got way too into other people’s business.
She prattles off the few drinks she needs and grabs a couple bowls of snacks to replenish the tables. As soon as she’s out of earshot, Jaxon looks right at me. “Did she just tell us about some poor woman’s lady bits?”
“I don’t know. I got stuck on the visual of an IUD being flung across the room, man. Even if I wanted to date, I think I’m officially turned off from it forever.”
Jaxon takes the final drink from his beer. “That was my cue to leave. She doesn’t need to know anything about the toe fungus I had to irrigate today.”
“Oh, come on!” I shout and throw my hands up in the air, making him laugh. “Did you need to give me that visual image, too?”
He pushes off the stool and tosses some bills on the counter. “That’s the risk you take when you hang out with so many medical professionals.”
He gives me some sort of a weird salute and takes off, leaving me shaking my head. I make a mental note to warn Nicole—no matter how much you may love Grey’s Anatomy, don’t ever bring it up in conversation with Tammy.
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💜M.E. Carter
This is Nicole's book so some of you know what the topic is. If you have a particular trigger, please feel free to reach out and I'll let you know the topic before you read. Otherwise, I now introduce Kade and Nicole in Matter of Time.
CHAPTER ONE
NICOLE
“You were flirting with him! I saw you!” He grabs my arm and begins squeezing, the strength of his fingertips digging into my skin. My heart races as I plead.
“He asked me where the bathroom was. I was just answering his question!”
His face contorts, his eyes darkening. He looks like pure evil. “So you could go with him and blow him? Huh? Answer me! Do you want his dick in your mouth?”
“No!” I yell, but he’s not listening, too enraged to calm down. “It’s you I love! You!”
“You’re mine, do you understand? MINE!”
My cheekbone feels like it explodes as he backhands my face. I have no doubt my skin has broken open. The blood is already oozing down my cheek.
“How dare you make me hit you like this. This is all your fault!”
He roars with anger and… I startle awake, my face pressing so hard into the pillow that my cheek aches.
I quickly run my hand down my face. No blood.
“It wasn’t real,” I whisper to myself. “Only a nightmare.”
Finally satisfied I’m safe in my apartment, I roll onto my back and breathe in… two, three, four… hold, two, three, four… and out, two, three, four… hold. My heart begins to calm and the normal sounds around me start to register.
Another roar from outside my door and I finally put together what loud noises woke me up.
Trivia Night at Frui Vita.
Grabbing the remote, I turn my small television off and slide my jeans on. I’m not sure how I fell asleep on the couch. I usually don’t go to bed until the bar is closed. I must be extra tired tonight. The last thing I remember is someone named Alex being added to The Circle. I didn’t stay awake long enough to find out if he’s a catfish.
This is what my life has come to. Living in a small apartment in the back of my almost brother-in-law’s bar and binge-watching reality television every night. Pathetic. At some point, I need to look at moving on with my life. It’s been months since I left my jerk boyfriend, Jeremy. While he still plagues me in nightmares, I want to have a life when I’m awake, not be stuck in this limbo I’ve found myself in.
Making sure I have my keys, I head out the door locking it behind me. My makeup probably looks awful and my hair is piled on top of my head, but whatever. It’s late and I doubt I know any of the customers tonight. Heath and his football team are still away at training camp and with the exception of a few others, they are the only guys I know. And only because Heath is my nephew’s godfather so he’s always around.
I ease my way up to the bar and sit on the stool that I claimed months ago. I’ve got my back to a wall, my side to the counter, and I can see every inch of the large room. I feel safest sitting here. I’m also out of the way while my sister works.
Somehow though, she always knows when I join her. I don’t even say hello before she’s setting a glass of Sprite down in front of me.
“Thanks.” I lean on the bar and take a sip of my non-alcoholic beverage, observing the team play happening near the stage. The guys at one of the tables are wearing matching neon green shirts. It makes me smile. “How’s Trivia Night going?”
Kiersten wipes her hands on a towel and grabs the shaker. I’m always in awe watching her work. She’s only been here a little over a year and has multi-tasking down pat. “Busy as always.”
Frui Vita is a low-key establishment that caters to the professional athletes in the area, and there are a lot of them. The outside of this place looks like a random dive bar on the side of the road. But the inside is gorgeous with its wood beams and black accents. It’s become a favorite stop for the people who want to let their hair down without being bombarded with fans or people taking shady pictures to sell to the tabloids later.
“Which team is that?” I ask, tipping my head toward the guys in green. I barely get the question out before more cheers erupt and a huge guy with floppy blond hair stands up so quickly his chair falls backward. He raises his hands in victory, teammates holding their drinks up to give him their salute.
My sister just shakes her head with a smirk. “That would be the Slingers hockey team. Kade said they start preseason in a couple of weeks so apparently tonight is one last hurrah before hitting the ice hard for the next few months.”
“Kade? Is he here tonight?” I pray my cheeks aren’t turning pink just from saying his name. Too many people are in my business now as it is. I don’t want to tip them off that I may have developed a small crush on their newest bartender.
It’s not even a realistic crush. More like a fantasy of who he might be. If I’ve learned anything in the last couple of years, it’s that fantasy and reality are never the same. Ever. So, while I can indulge in a little unrequited interest from afar, I’m not dumb enough to pretend the Kade in my head is the true Kade. I’ll never make that mistake with any man again.
Kiersten finishes her mixing and pours the liquid into a martini glass. “He’s in the back taking a minute before we get another wave of orders. It’s been non-stop.”
Biting my lip, I contemplate pitching an idea to my sister. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Maybe I need to go for it. Like my therapist, Dr. Rhonda would say, what’s the worst that can happen?
Actually, I know the answer to that. I’ve lived it. I have to push past those fears though, because in this context they’re not realistic. Instead, I take a deep breath and toss out my idea before I lose my courage.
“I was thinking, if the offer is still good, maybe I could help you guys out some. I need to do more than just hang out with you and watch television, you know? Maybe start earning some money for my own place.” Kiersten whips her head around to look at me, jaw practically falling to the floor. “But only if you need someone. Not, like as a charity case or whatever…” I tack on quietly regretting that I opened up this conversation. I have no idea how Kiersten is going to react. She’s always made it clear I was welcome to work here. Paul, the owner of this place and her live-in boyfriend, has too. Up until now, I’ve always turned them down, so I’m not surprised by her initial reaction. What I don’t know is if she’s going to play this cool, or if she’s going to do her big sister version of therapy. I’m hoping it’s the former.
To her credit, she pulls herself together and continues on with what she was doing. “We could always use help these days. I know Paul is talking about finally getting the kitchen renovated so we can add more menu options besides pretzels and peanuts. That doesn’t actually help you now, I just forgot to tell you earlier.”
“Oh.” I twist my lips, disappointed they don’t have something more immediate. “Well, I guess just let me know when he needs someone in the kitchen. I’m sure I can figure out how to deep fry chicken strips or whatever.”
“Nicole, I didn’t say we don’t need help now. You just reminded me that more is coming as well. We may have almost doubled the staff around here in the last few months but that still means there are only five of us.”
“We may be back down to four soon,” a male voice says as he slides behind the bar.
Kade.
Please cheeks, don’t blush. You don’t know him. He could be a massive jerk like Jeremy. Don’t get in too deep.
“Oh, hey Nicole.” Kade flashes me a kind smile then immediately gets back to work, grabbing a stack of bowls and filling them with peanuts.
Kiersten on the other hand has her hands on her hips. “What does that mean? Are you quitting?”
“No, but I overheard Sandra arguing with her husband about how late she works.”
Kiersten rolls her eyes so far back in her head it’s a wonder they don’t get stuck there. “This is a bar, not Chuck-E-Cheese. What were they expecting?”
Kade shrugs. “The way it sounded, she knew what she was getting into but he’s not having it.”
A shiver runs down my spine and I say a silent prayer that Sandra isn’t in the same kind of situation I was. I know better than to ask her directly. She probably wouldn’t admit it if there was a deeper problem anyway. The only thing I can do is hope she reads the signs posted in the restroom about getting out of a bad situation and jots down the number in case she needs it.
Turning to me, Kiersten continues to purse her lips in irritation. “Looks like we have a waitressing job opening up soon. Interested?”
I want to say yes. I want to jump at the chance to take back my independence and make some money to start planning my future. I want to more than I’ve wanted almost anything in a very long time.
But I can’t. I’m frozen, thinking about what happens when I walk out in the middle of that room, amongst all those people, all those very large men who are drinking and partying. My breathing starts to pick up as the anxiety of a moment that hasn’t even happened takes over.
I shake my head, partly to force my body to move and partly to answer my sister. “I think it would be better to wait for that kitchen job.”
Kiersten’s face falls. She knows she hit a trigger; she just doesn’t know how. “What? No, I don’t want you to do that.” She puts her hand on my arm, her signature move when she’s trying to show her support of me. “Is it because of all the guys? We can make sure you only work when Paul does so you have back up, or I don’t know, we can figure something out.”
“I can be the waiter.”
Kiersten and I both look up at Kade who is drying a glass now that’s he done with the peanuts.
“You would… why would you do that?” I tilt my head to the side, curious about his answer.
I can tell he’s going for nonchalance but something about the way he moves his hands, maybe because he keeps wiping the glass over and over, has me feeling like he’s nervous. But why?
He licks his lips and swallows slowly. “I can deliver drinks and take orders. If it means you get to stay behind the bar and have some distance between yourself and all that mess.” He looks out into the room, the noise down to a low hum as everyone concentrates on whatever answer they’re searching for.
I, on the other hand, can’t take my eyes off Kade. He’s not tall and he’s a little thicker around the middle than maybe he should be. His glasses have a tendency to slide down his nose and his hair always sticks up in weird ways. He is not what most people would describe as super-hot, but I imagine hugging him would be like being held by a teddy bear—warm and comfortable and most of all, safe. Like nothing outside his embrace can touch me.
I know that’s probably not realistic, but regardless, in my eyes, he’s a true gentleman in a world full of jerks. And my crush has ratcheted up a notch.
Careful there, I think to myself. One nice thing doesn’t mean he’s a saint.
I offer him a quick smile. “Thank you, Kade.”
“Yes, thank you.” Kiersten’s voice sounds boisterous after my almost whisper-like answer. “I’ll talk to Paul about the wage part of the job and see what he has to say.”
“It’s no problem.” Kade glances back over at me one more time, his cheeks tinting the slightest shade of pink, and gets back to work.
Kiersten takes the opportunity to turn back to me, excitement dancing in her eyes. “So you’ll do it? You’ll take the bartender position?”
I only hesitate for a few seconds, long enough to pretend I’m taking a sip of my Sprite when really I’m allowing my anxious thoughts to settle back into their tiny space in my brain before answering.
“Yes. I’ll take the job.”
Kiersten squeals just like I knew she would. I wish I had even a small portion of the enthusiasm she has about me venturing back out into the world. Because as determined as I am to do this, it’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
CHAPTER TWO
Kade
“Come on, little guy,” I say quietly as I scoop up the cricket who accidentally got inside. His chirping has been driving me crazy, but even more so, I know he’ll get squished if I don’t toss him outside.
“Quit hopping around, man. I’m trying to save your life.” I finally get him in my hand and enclose my fingers around him. Crickets are one of the only types of insect that don’t freak me out, even with him trying to hop around inside my fist.
Quickly, I throw him outside into the small grassy area next to the door. My mission finally accomplished, I head back to my station, behind the bar at Frui Vita, my place of employment.
I’ve been working here for about six months and enjoy it for the most part. The pay is great, my boss is fantastic, and no one can say I don’t get enough social interaction. That’s practically all I do here—socialize with customers.
For the most part, everyone else who works here is great, too. Thank God it’s Tammy waitressing tonight, though. Sandra was fine, but I knew she was short-lived. I find it hard to enjoy working with someone when you can see the writing on the wall and know they’ll be leaving you in a lurch again soon.
I never knew I had this judgmental quirk until Paul gave me this job. Now that I’ve been here for so long and we’ve gone through several waitresses, I’m finding it harder to want to get to know the new employees. Why put in the effort when we’re going to get screwed in the end anyway?
I glance over to the end of the bar and see the only person I have the opposite problem with.
Nicole.
She has a curious look on her face and when I accidentally make eye contact, her cheeks pinken and she quickly looks away. I’m not sure what that’s about, but I suspect it’s because she’s a bit on the shy side. Not painfully so, but enough that even with how often she’s here, we haven’t gotten to know each other that well.
I’m hoping that will change soon. She’s getting ready to start working here and is hanging around almost every night to just observe. It’s not like it’s a hard commute since she lives in the back apartment. But I have this feeling she’s excited about getting started, too. I just hope I can maintain some sort of distance when she does.
Not that I’m an aggressive guy, quite the opposite. I just like being near her. From what I’ve learned over the course of the months, she’s got a friendly smile for everyone, she’s witty when she finally feels comfortable talking to someone, and she is easily entertained just by people watching. More than once I’ve noticed her cheer when Dwayne, our human mascot beats someone at pool, or laugh when some rookie is getting hazed by their teammates.
More and more I’ve found myself wanting to get to know everything about her—her likes, her dislikes, her dreams, her fears. Hell, I even want to know what size shoe she wears. That’s how into her I am.
Not that I will ever ask for any of that information. Nicole looks like a bombshell and is the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She deserves so much more than a loser geek like me. She needs to be wined and dined and be covered in jewelry. I prefer video games and Chex Mix and indulge in a Ring Pop every now and then. I’m not at all her type.
No, what she needs is a man like the ones who frequent this bar. They all have money and success. And they’re all very athletic. That’s the kind of man she deserves. Someone who can take care of her and provide for her every desire. I want that for her. I’m hoping when she starts in a couple of days it’ll be the beginning of her finding that perfect person. It’s going to hurt like a bitch to watch, but I’m willing as long as she’s happy.
I finish wiping down the counter as my pseudo-brother Jaxon approaches and leans against the wood top.
“What’s up?”
“I just need a Shiner. And do you have any limes?” He leans over the counter like he can see behind it even though he can’t.
“Sure. Coming up.”
It’s rare to see Jaxon here anymore. Now that he’s started his clinics for medical school he’s either at the hospital, in the library, or sleeping. His wife Annika shows up more than he does and she hates the bar scene, for reasons I’m unsure of. Not that it’s my business anyway.
After grabbing his drink from the small fridge and popping the top, I add a lime wedge to the rim and hand Jaxon his beer. He immediately shoves the wedge inside and takes a long drink before letting out a sigh of contentment.
“How’s it going?” he asks. I’m not all that surprised he’s making small talk. His best friend, Heath Germaine, is at training camp with the San Antonio Steer so the usual crowd Jaxon runs with isn’t here, and since Annika is a sports trainer for the same team, she went with them. Jaxon must really be lonely if he’s here by himself.
“At work or school?”
His body sags onto a stool, no tension to be seen now that’s he’s got his bottle. “Both.”
“School is fine. The semester just started and it’s more basic requirements so it’s not hard. And work is fine. Everyone is still nice. The customers still seem happy. And Paul is still a great boss.”
Jaxon tilts his head in a partial nod. “That he is. I know he likes you working here.”
The comment is unexpected. “He does? How do you know that?”
“He really struggles trying to find a good fit. Doesn’t want to mess with the vibe of the place so he’d have to like you to keep you around.”
I understand exactly what Jaxon means. The vast majority of Frui Vita’s customers are professional athletes and their friends. One of the things they seem to like about me is that I don’t really have any interest in sports. I’m trying to learn more now that I work here, but it isn’t something I have any desire to get deeply involved with. Makes it hard to find common ground when I work, but apparently it also gives the customers a stronger sense of anonymity or something.
“Hey, as long as they’re happy with my work ethic and think I fit in well enough, it’s fine by me.”
“That’s exactly why Paul likes you.” Jaxon begins absentmindedly peeling the label off his beer and I know he has something more on his mind. “So, when are you going to do something about that?”
“About what?”
He points his beer bottle at Nicole. “About your feelings for Nicole.”
“I don’t… There’s not…What feelings?” I finally manage to sputter.
I’m sure my face turns bright red. I can feel the heat rising from my neck. I hope it just looks like I’m flushed from work. Doubt it, though.
Jaxon chuckles, not deceived at all. “You can’t hide the fact that you’re half in love with her from me. I’m your brother.”
He’s actually not my brother. For a while, we thought we shared a biological father since his birth dad cheated on his wife with my mom. DNA proved we were wrong.
While I still don’t know who my father is, Jaxon decided genetics don’t matter anyway and that was that. I’m not sure if he ever told his mom and adoptive dad the truth, but they brought me into their family fold anyway. Mostly just for holidays.
It’s not like I have any other family that gives a shit about me. Mom has always been too busy living her life to actually care what I’m up to. It’s been nice having a pseudo-family step in for no reason other than they want me to be a part of things.
That relationship led to me moving here for school and getting insider information on this job when it came open and now… Nicole. Who I really am in love with despite my attempts to keep those feelings from developing. Still, that’s my own personal business and I don’t need Jaxon pushing the issue. And I certainly don’t need to get fired when my boss finds out I have a hard-on for his soon-to-be sister-in-law.
I grab a bowl of pretzels knowing it’s his preference and place it in front of him, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t even really know her. Besides, she’s related to the boss so she’s off-limits. How are your clinics anyway? Do you get to do a bunch of cool stuff?”
“They’re exhausting and I love it, but don’t change the subject,” he demands. “She is not off-limits because of Paul and don’t try to feed me a bunch of horse shit on that. What’s really going on?”
I shake my head dejectedly. I don’t want to put my thoughts into words. He’s only going to argue with me about the truth I already know and I’m not in the mood for that. Especially with her sitting just across the bar from us. Still, I know he isn’t going to let it go. It seems to be a trait amongst the Hart family.
“I am a college student who hasn’t declared a major yet and relied on his not-quite-brother to get him a job at a bar. I play video games for fun almost nightly and I’m not exactly sexy. She deserves way better than me. So, like I said, she’s off-limits.”
Jaxon’s eyes soften and I want to roll mine at the pity I can see. Yet another reason I don’t like talking about this kind of thing with him. What he thinks is self-deprecating talk is actually real to life. It doesn’t hurt my feelings to know I’m not good enough for her. It is what it is. And what it is, is fact.
“Kade, you’re a great guy—”
“Stop.” I hold my hand up, shocked that he actually complies. “Listen, I know who I am and I’m fine with it. I’m not trying to be anyone I’m not. Plus, Nicole doesn’t need a date right now. She just needs a friend, right?”
Jaxon sighs in defeat. I’m sure this conversation isn’t truly over, but I guess I’ve won this round. “You’re right. A year sometimes feels like a long time but when you’re healing from emotional wounds, it can take longer than that.”
I know what he’s referring to, even if I don’t respond. I haven’t asked for details, but from what I’ve been told Nicole ended up living in this area after her boyfriend beat the crap out of her. Just the thought of it makes me want to punch something even though I’d probably break my hand.
“Exactly. So let it go, will you?”
“For now,” he concedes. It’s as good as I’m going to get tonight.
I nod once. “Tell me about your clinicals. Have you removed any crowbars from anyone’s thigh or done chest compressions while the gurney rolls down the hall?”
Jaxon snorts a laugh and grins. “You’ve been watching too many medical dramas.”
I raise one shoulder quickly. “I learn some good information on those shows.”
“On what shows?” Tammy drops her tray on the counter and looks at us expectantly. She’s always interrupting, but no one minds. We’re always surprised by what she contributes to any conversation. She’s… entertaining.
“Kade seems to think he’s practically a medical student because he likes to watch fictional doctor shows,” Jaxon jokes.
Tammy doesn’t seem to notice his sarcasm. “I’ll tell you, I should have gotten my nursing license from how many episodes I’ve seen of House. Did you know I diagnosed my sister’s husband’s niece with an allergic reaction to the copper in her IUD because of Dr. Gregory House? And what do you know, when she finally took my advice and went to the doctor, I was right. They ripped that thing out of her so fast it’d make your head spin. Within days all that itching in her lady bits was gone. Of course, they ended up with another baby after that, but I suppose you can’t always be rash and child free at the same time, can you?”
Jaxon and I stare at her blankly. I’m not sure if I’m not processing this conversation correctly or if Tammy truly is taking credit for someone else’s unplanned pregnancy.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, she jumps back in.
“Got some orders for you when you’re ready.”
“Yeah now’s a good time,” I say quickly, praying she doesn’t remember some other random story about the time she wasn’t really a medical student and got way too into other people’s business.
She prattles off the few drinks she needs and grabs a couple bowls of snacks to replenish the tables. As soon as she’s out of earshot, Jaxon looks right at me. “Did she just tell us about some poor woman’s lady bits?”
“I don’t know. I got stuck on the visual of an IUD being flung across the room, man. Even if I wanted to date, I think I’m officially turned off from it forever.”
Jaxon takes the final drink from his beer. “That was my cue to leave. She doesn’t need to know anything about the toe fungus I had to irrigate today.”
“Oh, come on!” I shout and throw my hands up in the air, making him laugh. “Did you need to give me that visual image, too?”
He pushes off the stool and tosses some bills on the counter. “That’s the risk you take when you hang out with so many medical professionals.”
He gives me some sort of a weird salute and takes off, leaving me shaking my head. I make a mental note to warn Nicole—no matter how much you may love Grey’s Anatomy, don’t ever bring it up in conversation with Tammy.
Coming July 16
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💜M.E. Carter
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