I’ve Had Middle-of-the-Night Panic Attacks for Years. I Wrote a Song About Them

By Buick Audra

I had my first panic attack in rural England, in the middle of the night. I was there making an album of duets with Joss Stone, a doomed set of recordings that would never see the light of day, but cost plenty in effort, labor, and emotional energy. I was supposed to be sleeping on a makeshift bed at the home of Joss’ mom. But I wasn’t asleep. I was experiencing every fear, loss, and moment of shame I’d ever known all at once. I was very much awake.

I’d just gotten back ...