The Charge of the COVID Brigade
Halfa league, half a league
Halfa league onward,
Allin the valley of Death
Rodethe six hundred.
“Forwardthe Light Brigade…”
~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Hmmm, is the solution tothe problem a kick-ass leaf blower?
Earlier this week whileI was working from home, I heard a loud noise outside in my townhouse complex.I went to the window to investigate. It turned out to be the landscape crew whohad arrived for the spring cleanup. Four men with industrial-strength leaf blowersat full bore.
Ordinarily, I would beannoyed at the disturbance. But this time was different. Why? Because it was anannual activity happening at precisely the time it should – a triumph ofnormalcy when most of the world around me is turned upside down.
It occurred to me, inone of those inspired leaps of insight, that perhaps here was a solution to thepandemic that has twisted us out of shape. I sense you frowning, but hear meout.
I propose that weassemble all the landscape crews across the country with their mighty leafblowers. We can supplement the ranks with those thrown out of work by thelockdown and eager to be productive again.
The assault begins inthe middle of Manitoba. Two lines of leaf blower warriors stand back to back.At the sound of the horn of battle, they fire up their blowers and startmarching forward side by side blowing all the COVID virus molecules ahead ofthem. Every file miles they hand off to another crew who continues the march.
At the Manitoba border east and west, crews await from the neighbouring provinces to take up the charge. The Eastern Brigade swings around Hudson’s Bay, loops down through Southern Ontario, expands north and south through Quebec and presses forward to Labrador. Simultaneously, the Maritime Brigade sweeps through the Atlantic Provinces.
The Western Brigade crosses the flatlands of Saskatchewan with ease and into Alberta while a Northern Brigade blows it way through Nunavut, NWT and the Yukon. An intrepid team of mountaineer landscapers will be needed to cross the Rocky Mountains into B.C.
Precisely one week afterit all began, the final Eastern, Western, Northern and Atlantic teams reach theshores of the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. They blow the wall of COVID-19 outinto the ocean where pods of whales gorge on it like a feast of Krill.
I think it could work. Ireally do, if we just believe! It surely cannot be any less effective than whatwe have tried so far. A clean sweep from coast to coast like a through springcleaning.
With apologies to Lord Tennyson, we will call it The Charge of the COVID Brigade. Are you with me?
~ NowAvailable Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: HuntingMuskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet
~ Michael Robert Dyet is alsothe author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel whichwas a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’swebsite at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .
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