Is Sincerity Enough?
For well over 30 years I told myself that this would be the last time, that I was going to change. I would cry over my sins and repent to the Lord, promise to put the sin of lust behind me and walk in purity. Yet before I knew it, I would be actively seeking fodder to feed my hunger for another fix of impure thoughts.
I remember traveling with a group of brothers on a three day men’s retreat. While there I felt so rejuvenated and renewed in my faith and dedication to the Lord. I felt so close to the Lord and believed my life was going to be different. But I returned from that retreat and walked into my house after midnight. My wife and kids were asleep. What did I do? I quietly turned on the television and flipped through the channels until I discovered something sensual to watch. How could that happen? What was wrong with me?
On another occasion I was crossing the street and got hit by a car. The car threw my body to the asphalt. I was taken to the hospital. For a couple of weeks my body hurt from head to toe. I received a concussion and to this day remember nothing about the details of the accident. Yet, not a bone in my body was broken. I thanked God for saving my life. And once again I vowed to let this miracle wake me up and give me the sincerity, dedication and desire I needed to remove pornography from my life. But it didn’t last for long.
In my case reading the Bible was not enough, prayer was not enough, more sincerity was never enough for me to break free from this compulsive sin. It was not God’s fault. Our God is the God who can do the impossible. But just trying harder and praying more fervently, without taking the practical steps necessary, kept me trapped in my habitual sin for decades.
It was only when I reached out for help that I began to find answers. My sin had to be brought out into the light. I needed to help to see that I had swallowed the devil’s lies and needed to hear the truth in order to break free from old habits which kept me going back and repeating what I had always done.
I had heard the saying that ““Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” yet that was my precisely my case.
In a New York hospital several years ago, carbon dioxide instead of oxygen was mistakenly administered to a patient. According to the police report, the patient died instantly. The unfortunate patient died in spite of his own sincerity and that of the hospital authorities, the anesthesiologist and the surgeon.
Saul of Tarsus was sincere during the time when he persecuted the church. After his conversion to Christ, Paul said, “I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day” (Acts 23:1). As the Bible clearly states: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 14:12).
You and I can be sincerely mistaken. We can trick ourselves into believing that we are doing all we can and still be dead wrong.
My advice is seek help. Find wise followers of Jesus and ask them what steps you need to take to begin your new life. Often it is best to search for others who have dealt with the same besetting sin which you are struggling to overcome. Those who have been there and found freedom can almost certainly point you to the light and to the life your soul longs for.
The Lord has always been there for me. I know it was never his desire for me to remain in my sins. He heard every one of my prayers. Yet he was waiting for me to humbly and courageously take the necessary steps to grow and become the man he always intended for me to be.
Learn more about finding victory over pornography in the book: Jesus Is Better Than Porn
