Priorities
I have heard from so many people this spring that Covid restrictions left them so frustrated with “virtual learning” that they realized they would be better off homeschooling in earnest.
Excellent development.
It’s a big pivot, though. Going from serenely dropping your children off at school and having the day to yourself to taking on full responsibility for every detail of their education is a change that isn’t easy to accomplish in the space of a school year. Small wonder if you’re reeling…
If this is you and you are here because the rabbit hole tumbled you to our door, welcome!
And let me offer a particular bit of advice as you plan the coming academic year.
Put your marriage first. Put your husband first. And schedule a bit of rest into each day.
Homeschooling is exhausting. You must rest. Every day, take some time to sit and relax a bit; not to check things on your phone but to think, pray, and even read (shocking thought, I know).
A common temptation for a couple (and not only homeschooling couples) is to invest so much time and energy in the children and their education that their marriage is neglected.
They lose their enjoyment of each other and the day-to-day rituals and patterns that make life happy.
Since the mother usually has the responsibility of the myriad details of schooling, not to mention housekeeping, it’s the husband who can feel that he has lost his place in her heart.
He is nothing if not supportive and full of admiration for his wife’s ardor, study, and diligence. But not even a saint can help feeling that he is not his wife’s #1. Which he should be!
As we say, he’s funding the bliss!
But seriously, it’s a matter of good order. Where would the family be without the marriage? Nowhere. What is the point of frantic activity from morning until collapse at night? Nothing.
If the couple loses sight of each other, the result is that good things get pitted against each other — the good of their marriage and the good of the education of the children — which should not be. In fact, the two are one good! To enjoy unity and peace, keep things in their proper order.
I have written about this balance quite a bit. You might look at these posts to understand how to prevent obstacles in marriage and family life, or rather, how to make choices that give the family the best shot at happiness.
Some people just open all the tabs and go through one by one! I promise they will all be in the book!
If at the end of the day you feel not just tired but glazed and spread-eagled and tacked to a board, and each morning feels like the start to a new marathon that is heartbreak hills all the way, you must make it stop by planning a time of rest during the day. Schedule it in.
Trust me when I tell you that I took a nap every day when my children were young. Just an FYI: Quiet Time is an approved subject in Domus Academy (aka Home School).
“But my children will fall behind!” No, they won’t. A, we don’t know how children learn. B, it’s quite clear to me that when they do learn, it’s almost entirely unrelated to how much stress their mother has undergone to bring said learning about, unless it’s actually inversely proportional.
So, take a few minutes with your morning tea to plan your work so that you are not still going in the evening; make an effort to do the most difficult tasks early in the day. It’s one thing to fold laundry in the evening while you watch a show with your husband; it’s another to be washing the kitchen floor after bedtime because you couldn’t find time for your regular tasks during the day.
Marriage is a precious gift to mankind. Between the baptized it’s a sacrament that yields tremendous graces. Put your marriage first. Be generous, and put your marriage first.
{bits & pieces}Leila Miller and I wrote a piece for Crisis Magazine that reflects not only what we would like to see happen, but what we have seen happen with our own eyes when men take the lead (and women let them).Our friend Doug Mainwaring then wrote a piece that was on his mind — he was kind enough to say that we inspired him: Any men left in Major League Baseball? Airline cockpits? Corporate office suites?As happens occasionally, I stumbled across an old piece written by Fr. Mankowski: a review of a book about Flannery O’Connor. Can you imagine being the author and having this said about your book: “Hers is an entirely honorable accomplishment, and, while it doesn’t make the book worth buying, or reading, let it be reckoned unto her as righteousness.”?? Yikes… Scientists plan to drop the 14-day embryo rule, a key limit on stem cell research. Troubling to say the least. When a comment is posted that says “I’m 7 years late with this but… ” you have to look! Dear Monica shares how she came to set up her Little Oratory! If you have one, share it here in the comments or maybe on Instagram? use the hashtag LittleOratory if you would!Someone dug this article up from the distant past (2015) and now I’m posting it for you: The Economics Behind Grandma’s Tuna Casseroles — Don’t judge yesteryear’s cooking by today’s standards.Catholic martyrs’ bones identified almost 150 years after discovery in an atticYou can now order my friend Theresa Fagan’s A Mother’s List of Books here! Excellent article by Suzan Sammons: Locked-Down Women Discover True Freedom. Just remember: Rest, and put your husband first!from the archivesSimplify your life with your to-do list (spoiler: it should only have three things on it, according to highly efficient business executives)Roots and Wings. “What is the root? Your marriage. So dinner together (once the babies are old enough to be up) means that you and your husband sit down to dinner together, as many days as you can manage, and at least on Sundays.”Oxbow lakes and other obsessions in my homeschooling mindliturgical livingSaturday in the Octave of Easter
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