Can't Judge a Book by its...Dress?

If you're wondering why Among isn't out yet, you can blame it—at least partially—on Chloe's dress. Also, nasal spray. And Covid, but that's a truth that's become self-evident, so let me explain the other two. Because I own a personal publishing imprint and am far too in love with creating my books to hand them off, I do the layout and cover design myself. Stock images are expensive, and most come with limits that I don't like to keep up with, such as how many times you can produce the image on a product, so I usually work with people to do our own shoot.

Last year, I took off from work, and we headed to Bastrop, Texas, where Between takes place, to get graphics for the cover and shoot a book trailer. I started the book while at Jami's house and finished it while she was at mine. She helped me with rounds of edits, and we decided early on that she would be my cover model. Several years later, she was. But now she's a school teacher, dealing with the ever-changing landscape of educating young people, and our schedules make it extremely hard to get together for coffee, much less a photo shoot. Since my cover concept didn't necessarily involve a face, I decided to be my own stand-in for the cover because I'll likely have to shoot it on one of my half-days off before rushing to work.

In the cover for Between, my readers helped me decide on the concept of a pair of heels sitting empty in a rugged place: something beautiful and out of place, evoking the sense of mystery. I loved the cover but frankly had no idea how to tie in the next book until I was doing the reading for Among and showed the listeners the teddy bear I had based Chloe's bear on. And then I saw the cover in my head with the same concept, only reversed. It was Chloe standing in a beautiful gown where all you see are the tips of her curls and her arms holding the bear behind her back: something rugged by beauty, still out of place, still evoking the sense of intrigue. I loved the idea so much that I didn't even consider alternative concepts. I like to use second-hand dresses on the cover, so we can do things like run around in piney woods without fear of ruining the dress interfering with shooting a trailer of a confused and frightened girl.

So I bought a dress off eBay and focused on finishing filming the readings and going through my last-minute edits. I always expect delays in the mail, so I didn't think much about the dress until I realized I never got a confirmation that it had even shipped. I sent a message to the owner. No response. I hope they didn't get sick—but almost an entire month had passed with no contact, so I got a refund and looked for another dress—or rather, for the back of a dress.

The dress I ordered.

I do not own this image.

The back of the dress

I do not own this image.

I don't know if you've ever been back-of-dress shopping, but it was far trickier than I expected. First, because it's online and many dresses don't even show the back. Secondly, because most dresses are either plain with a zipper running up or showing off the wearer's back. Chloe doesn't particularly like to show off her back, and I didn't want to evoke the sense of a romance novel that turns out to be anything but, so it took a few nights. Then I decided to look for a custom dress, supporting an individual rather than a large company, so I turned to Etsy.

And I found the most beautiful dresses. They were not second-hand. I needed one that would fit in with the gold theme of the first book but would off-set the gray bear. Also, have a lace-up back. And a good front would be a bonus because I wanted options to use the front in this or a different cover. The one I settled on was almost perfect. The gold overlay in the back rose between laces and ended in what suggested wings that would be just behind the bear. The front had beautiful detail work that swooped to the side, evoking the sense of branches that would carry forward the atmosphere of Between. The thing I liked least was that it was an off-shoulder gown, but the sleeves were delicate, and I decided I could live with that. It looked like a collaboration between two people, and the rest of the dresses in the shop seemed like ones I would use for future projects. Excited about the dress and the chance to feature a small-business, I gave them the measurements to alter it, ordered it, and waited.

It came even sooner than I expected. It fit like a glove. The workmanship is very good. But when I put it on, something seemed… off. Or rather, not off. The edge fit right above my shoulders, but the material was two layers of stiff material, so it stuck out a bit like a clown collar more than a graceful hang. I am a tiny person, so I wondered if they had to take in a medium-size dress which would affect the basic shape. But the tips of the "wing" pattern in the back was hidden beneath the wide collar, and it had a weird flip in the front that evokes the idea of a bib with a "crumb catcher" on the end. I didn't remember any of these details. The gold work ran straight up instead of swooping to the side. We did a few test shots late at night, and the collar gave the idea of an hourglass or a clown collar. I loved the bottom part of the dress, and every layer was perfectly hemmed for my height, meaning I wouldn't have to hand stitch it myself as I often do. But I didn't like the top, even after I gave it a night.

I took a course in dress-making and design when I was in high school, so I begin inspecting the bodice to see how much of the discrepancy could be chalked up to taking the dress in. Certainly, the train was gone from what was pictured, though in my case, that was a good thing. No matter what I tried, it didn't match what was in my mind when I ordered the dress. In fact, it looked a lot like a different dress on the site with a crisscross over the shoulder that, if they happened to flip outward to attempt to make it off-shoulder, would lay…. almost like this.

I checked the site, found the dress, mentally flipped it. So that's why the details were gone. Don't get me wrong; it's a lovely dress. If I purchased it to wear to an event or even as a costume in a play, I'd probably not bother to nit-pick. But most of the details I wanted in the dress weren't replicated, and most of the details I had to work around were… I wrote the designer and explained that they had altered the wrong dress. They informed me that since it had been altered for me, they could not resale it. They understood my feelings but could not give me a refund.

Good thing I hadn't rented rooms and planned a trip for a book trailer, huh?

Also, I never thought I'd complain that my waist is too small, but… my waist is too small. The bear almost covers the gown. Putting it on the dress laying on the bed and would look fantastic with the gold detail and the wings (at least until the tips are covered with a clown collar). Standing up, that annoying collar swoops out of the edges of the photo like a distorted shape, and the bear almost covers the waist. Holding it high enough to get the winged effect creates a very unnatural arm position. Holding it other ways makes it look less like a young woman hiding a secret and more like a ghost-child or someone creeping on a bear.

It took me a full day to write to the designer because I was suddenly doubting my entire concept. In the end, it didn't matter. I've spent the money on the dress: I either have to go to war with the designer or work with what I've got. I thought about war, but I don't want to waste more time with angry email exchanges that will result in further delays shipping it back, hoping they alter it correctly or waiting for a refund before I can order another dress from someone else. Having no dress puts me right back at square one, and even if I got everything resolved, I'd be working with a dress I've spent weeks building up negative feelings around. If I could get rid of that stupid collar, I think this dress could work. I might even love it.

Original Concept
The Akward Reality
It's still a pretty dress

But that collar is under layers of design work. I could trim it, but it would still not lay correctly. I have the skills to take off the trim work, snip it free and replace it with a smaller, softer edge or just flip the darn thing back and cover it with the strip like the other dress (not shown). But once I cut it, I've given up all potential options of backtracking. I'm working 5-6 days a week at my job, volunteering at my church on my day off, attending rehearsals three nights a week for a play I'm in, and running for city council.

Once I received the reply, I took some deep breaths to think about this… and then…. the nasal spray happened. I react badly to most medication, so I should have been wary when my medical advisor said to try an over-the-counter nasal spray to clear up some moisture in my ear that's been bugging me for over a year. I tried it, and though I had woken up cheerful, I spent the rest of the day feeling mentally numb. I woke with watery eyes, a runny nose, and decided not to take a second dose. I have given up deciding how much of the reaction was from the medicine and how much the medication may have suppressed my body from fighting off something that was already lurking. All I know for sure is that when I woke on the second day, my face was turning raw, and there was a patch swelling under my eyes. I went from looking like a battered-housewife, to the Phantom, to Quasimodo with a full-on puffy eye swollen nearly shut and a spreading pillow-face. It would get a little better in the day, and I'd think it was clearing up, then bam, the following day, I'd wake up rubbing my face and swearing off the medication of all kinds. I tried Benadryl. Except for messing with my mental ability, it did nothing. A cream would help for an hour or so; then all the swelling would come back. Ironically, honey seemed to help the most with calming some of the storm. Today, almost a week later, my face has returned to almost normal, except it feels and looks a bit like sandpaper. Chloe's dress still hangs in my room, waiting for a verdict. Mostly, I’m disappointed the designer didn’t let me know that he didn’t have the exact dress I wanted and let me pick another before he altered it. But this is the dress I have. It doesn’t look bad on the hanger, even if it doesn’t match what I asked for. I may just leave it as it is, but it does affect the shape I had in mind for the cover. If I change up my original idea, I can probably make it work. Where's Brad when you need him?