Sometimes the only way out is through.

76. What My Body Remembers – Agnete Friis

This is a story where the main character is pretty unlikeable most of the time. At the least, she is naive and ornery about her inability to completely care for her son while consistently suffering incapacitating PTSD-induced panic attacks. Basically when she’s triggered she checks out completely, so it isn’t really surprising that Danish Social Services is involved. It also isn’t surprising that Ella does not see them as “help” or “services,” more like bitter enemies, which, to be fair is a pretty common reaction to being made aware you are not a fit caretaker for your child and that muddling along with you while nothing improves is not what’s best for them.

However, I found Ella had redeeming qualities. She didn’t become completely unsympathetic, her inability to see resources for what they are and fight to hang onto her son even while not being able to really support him or give him at all what he needs made sense. Her trauma affects her believably, especially her body short circuiting her when triggered. Seeing your parent die as a child is a huge trauma, and an unconscious reaction rings true. Ella makes everything harder on herself, reacts badly, doesn’t trust anyone but uses people when she can, and yet, has not resorted to setting up clever murders or seducing her gym teacher because of her past. She’s struggling realistically and when escaping with her son so he can’t be taken away again, makes the choice that will cause her to struggle much harder with her PTSD (and figure out what was really going on around her mother being killed) because her childhood home is a free place to stay. Free is important.

Salem’s prey instincts were in overdrive when I adopted him. He needed confident, experienced handling and serious commitment to trust me- and also to find his best friend the dinosaur seen here.