What Patterns Do I Keep Repeating?
There are two distinct ways to approach this question. You can focus on the positive patterns, relational and life strengths that you have that serve you well. Or you could focus on any negative patterns, ways that you approach relationships, create drama, or handle life that does not serve you well. There is much to learn from both kinds of patterns. But, let’s focus on the positive! What positive patterns do you keep repeating in life and what can you learn from them? Are there problems that are never really problems for you because you know how to anticipate and avoid them before they become a distraction? Are there tools or patterns that you use in relationships that empower and encourage people at a true and genuine level? Sometimes the things we are really good at, we don’t even recognize because they come so naturally. It’s empowering to take time to celebrate our strengths! It’s important to start with our positive patterns because our brains slide swiftly and almost purposefully to the negative. Richard Rohr talks about positive and negative thoughts in this way: “…our negative and critical thoughts are like Velcro, they stick and hold; whereas our positive and joyful thoughts are like Teflon, they slide away. We have to deliberately choose to hold onto positive thoughts so that they can “imprint.” ….Neuroscience can now demonstrate the brain indeed has a negative bias; the brain prefers to constellate around fearful, negative, or problematic situations. In fact, when a loving, positive, or unproblematic thing comes your way, you have to savor it consciously for at least fifteen seconds before it can harbor and store itself in your “implicit memory;” otherwise it doesn’t stick. We must indeed savor the good in order to significantly change our regular attitudes and moods. And we need to strictly monitor all the “Velcro” negative thoughts.” (Richard Rohr-Feb 18, 2016 Daily Reading Center for Contemplation and Action) Reinforce the positive, savor the good! Take time to identify and celebrate your positive patterns. Recognize your skills in relationships, in managing time, in confronting conflict, in seeking silence, or in caring for yourself or others well! Your positive patterns matter! You have them, find them and celebrate them. Perhaps when you read this question your mind went immediately to some perceived negative patterns; choices that you make that do not serve you well. It is important to recognize these things. But can you hold them gently? Can you explore these patterns with curiosity and kindness? Can you say, I see that I often make a choice to be reactive about this thing and it never ends up well. Can you suspend judgment about a pattern and just observe it? Resist the urge to be self-critical and judgemental about your patterns. The pattern is just a pattern, it is instructive to us about something deeper. What patterns do I keep repeating in my life and what can I learn from them? This question is not about changing patterns. It IS about learning from them. Our positive and negative patterns have things to teach us. Look for the lessons. What lessons are your patterns teaching you? “You are shaped by Your thinking. The outcome of your life cannot be better than your pattern of thought” ― Benjamin Suulola If you haven’t already signed up for my NEW newsletter, Smaller & Deeper, you can here. If you like these questions, please consider SUBSCRIBING to The Art of Powering Down; Questions to Recharge Your Soul… Every week there is a question that will gently challenge you, encourage you, or help you live your life with more intention, grace, and purpose. (Sharing these reflections and questions with friends is the greatest compliment!)
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