Mask Me for a Date
They met on Bumble.
After a brief stumble through the no man’s land of Tinder douches and bots.
It was time for a change.
Neither one had come close to finding a date on Tinder
Not even close.
But they both had a similar overall excuse: a pandemic.
And a handful of specific individual excuses.
Then there was the quality of content out there. Neither one was impressed.
It was time to seek greener pastures.
Though they were both masked up in their profile pics, it was clear that they were both cute from the top half of their face. It was a natural assumption that the other would follow.
Though both would deny that there was any sort of political message in their masked pics…there was certainly one subliminally Like silently waving a flag, without getting too far out of hand. Of course, it was an assumption on both of their parts.
In truth, they had a much more obvious motivation for wearing their mask. But neither one could have possibly guessed it.
When they matched, they hit it off right away. And though initially hitting it off on a dating app wasn’t that uncommon, he rarely had the courage to actually initiate contact, which is why he liked Bumble. He later came to realize that the issue wasn’t so much him – he just wasn’t meting anyone worth opening up to. And she rarely messaged anyone herself, even after matching. But unlike Tinder, Bumble gave her full control in this regard when it came to first contact.
In this instance, they both felt an instant connection.
Neither seemed judgmental or disinterested in one another’s dating bios – the highlight reel one brings to a date to showcase their best selves. Of course, the real trick was to do it ain a way that didn’t so much come across as bragging.
Both came across to the other as humble, yet confident and abundant with talents and passions and aligned politically and even religiously.
She even fell for his cheesy pun: “May I mask you out on a date?” – if only because of her love for all things cheese.
It would be their first date since Covid. And even pre-Covid, it had been months.
And though they both felt rusty, the felt like they found a match worth jumping into the deep end with – not to mention worth the potential Covid exposure.
Then again, they were both recently vaccinated and ready to mingle!
They agreed to meet at a coffee shop. He proposed a drink, but she didn’t drink. Normally, this would be a red flag for him, which was exactly why he had been given thought to drinking less, anyway. This was a sign.
She suggested a new French-inspired café that felt like it was right out of a Wes Anderson movie. It was the kind of place where you feel compelled to order a double shot of espresso. And then choose among an immaculate display of pastries and tortes that resembled enlarged Victorian doll house pieces. The fork and spoon were as dainty as the cups their espressos came in.
Somehow, she even laughed at his incredibly awkward joke upon entry: “The little girl in me is excited.” In fact, from the moment they met in person, it felt as though they had known one another forever.
They ordered.
He offered to pay. She insisted they split.
He added the tip.
They then headed to table. And the time for the great unveiling of the lower face had come. They would finally see one another’s full face – a sign of the pandemic times. And they were both dreading it
He noticed that she seemed reluctant to take off her mask, yet not wanting to make a scene about it. Perhaps she had lower face acne, too? If so, she certainly wouldn’t be alone.
She lowered her chin, as though to hide, then slowly removed her mask
In solidarity, he looked away, then removed his, before looking back up.
Only to see a grotesquely disfigured face starting back…
…at his.
It was as though they were both staring into a mirror.
