Gloom and Doom
What a gloomy day. I'm in my office, resting on the couch as I try to recover from some sort of food poisoning or stomach virus. My husband is in the living room watching the Whitney Houston funeral. I just can't bring myself to invest in the event. It's always sad to see someone who is way too young leave this world, but I have already suffered too much loss this year. I can't bring myself to watch this one.
Outside it is wet, cold and sleeting, a perfect reflection on how I feel. Winter is holding onto its last gasps of air as it tries to fight the impending Spring. It will be a losing battle, I know. I'm glad spring is on its way. I love the resurrection of life the new season brings. I'm tired of all this cold sorrow.
I once heard an artist must suffer in order to be produce beauty, but is this true? Can't beauty come from a beautiful place as well? I know I have suffered. Oh, don't get me wrong, my life hasn't been all bad. I mean, I don't suffer from a horrible disease, I haven't lost a child of my own, I don't have any debilitating addiction, I have a good career, so far life has been pretty fair for me. Once, in an acting class, I preformed a scene from Trojan Women. In this scene I played a woman who was lamenting the death of her infant son at the hands of the Greeks. I poured my heart into the scene and felt I had done a beautiful job. Another woman also played the scene. Afterwards, when everyone was discussing the scenes she said I could never do as good of a job at the scene as she did because I had never given birth to a child and so could never imagine losing one. Everyone was up in arms over that comment. Not only did everyone not believe her statement, but they defended my performance vehemently. I could imagine the pain because everyone experiences loss and suffering, everyone feels pain and everyone can emote that sorrow.
Perhaps my thoughts are in too gloomy of a place. After all the sleet has stopped. I can see streams of light coming in through my window and birds are singing. Perhaps I can find beauty in beautiful places and find inspiration in my art.
