Using "Ministry" to Avoid Real Life Responsibility

(It's guest post Friday! Here is a new one from John Crist. John is a standup comedian from Colorado. If you want to guest post, here's how!)

Using "Ministry" to Avoid Real-Life Responsibility by John Crist

I was homeschooled.

A lot of people make fun of homeschoolers. Not me. I loved it. Looking back on it, homeschool was the goodest thing that ever happened to me.

Somehow I graduated college with no job prospects, no career plan, no resume, and no wife. I understand why I didn't have a job. But I'm still not sure as to why I wasn't married. It was probably the result of the fact that:

A). I drove a purple Volvo.

B). I referred to women as broads.

C). I looked like this.

D). All of the Above

After graduation, I went on a mission trip to New York City for the summer to do the Lord's Work (i.e. go to live sporting and entertainment events for three months, sponsored by my parents' church friends). After that, I enrolled in the Focus on the Family Institute in Colorado for the winter so I could learn about family and Christian worldview (i.e. delay getting a job so I could snowboard and meet girls).

If you received a support letter from me, circa 2005, here are the six sentences that should have raised some red flags.

"First and foremost, I'm asking for your financial support."

Also, you can pray if you want to. But seriously, don't pray too much, because I haven't either. Just send cash.

"We're gonna be doing a lot of prayer-walking."

I led a mission trip to Egypt once. We prayer-walked around the pyramids. We prayer-rode camels too. Then we even prayer-boated down the Nile River.

"I'm hoping to meet my future wife while I'm there."

I spent a summer in Africa in 2005. Somehow Footprints In The Sand turned into John Crist's Footprints In The Sand Of Exotic Moroccan Beaches. There was one set of footprints. I was carrying her. To a candlelight dinner I had prepared.

"We're partnering with a company called Missionary Tourist Adventures."

Don't let the name fool you; we'll be working hard. I swear. No really, we will. I'll send you back a picture of me with a shovel.

"Jesus said, 'therefore, go and make disciples of all tourist desti-nations'!"

And baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit…in clear waters off the coast of sandy beaches…after we minister to the scuba instructors. They need Jesus too.

"P.S. I need to raise an extra $2,000 to cover my monthly credit card payment."

I've played the Visa card for far too long. Now it's time to play the God card.

For the record, some of these trips and internships have changed my life. The freedom I experienced at the Focus on the Family Institute was incredible. My brother is currently raising his own support to serve as an intern at IHOP in Kansas City; it has changed his life. Some of the missionaries around the world that rely on our financial support are some of the hardest working people I know. We're not here to debate all that.

I'm just saying, the slope (although I halfheartedly tried to build a set of stairs into it on a mission trip to Honduras once) is slippery.

What do you think?

(John Crist is a standup comedian. Watch his standup on Youtube,  follow him on Twitter, or visit  johncristcomedy.com)