Can you help me with my book blurb?
So I recently posted a snippet of my writing and got some fantastic feedback. Despite Rusty's comment that said "boy you must have a thick skin to post some writing here," or something like that (not a direct quote) I actually do have a thick skin and am rather proud of that fact. But honestly, I think that I was able to improve that scene that I posted so much from the feedback that if I could, I would totally want that on every page. That of course isn't possible.
But I do feel comfortable in asking one other small favor.
I've been working on OCULUS, which is the sequel to SLIPSTREAM, and I want to get the blurb for the book solidified. Think of this as kinda similar to a query letter I think...only without all the Dear Agent and this book has so and so word count and all that jazz. Or, think of it as an extremely short synopsis. Maybe that's a better word. But it needs to grab or be interesting or have zing!
I know it doesn't have that yet.
So I'd like to post it here for you to look at and tell me what I should do to make it better. It's 250~ words right now. Here it is:
Fallsemester has arrived for the Ivy League, and Jordan Pendragon attends his firstclasses as a freshman at Cornell. Bornwith a brilliant mathematical mind, he strives to balance a life as a researchassistant with that of a student athlete playing ice hockey for the Big Red.
Armedwith the university's particle collider, Jordan is tasked with fluoroscopingAntarctic ice cores to identify the elements they contain. The data he collects will be used by Dr.Wolfson, head of the climate-change project, to assemble the world's firstatmospheric model reflecting a million years of Earth's history.
ButJordan has another agenda. He combs thedata strings for a specific signature belonging to the rare earth element neodymium. Used to make essential magnets in all electronics,the presence of neodymium will give Jordan a search area to begin his quest for theBlack Tower, a monolithic edifice housing a thing that defines the verystructure of the universe. As large as amountain, Jordan believes it is buried somewhere in Antarctica under milesof prehistoric ice.
October finds Jordan earning a starting position with the team. But a dark cloud gathers overhis rookie season. Unexplaineddeaths, whispers of a cannibal cult, and a stone known only as the Oculus casta shadow over his athletic dreams. It is the start of a terrifying journey down a path of betrayal, murder, and to an Evil more ancient than the stars.
But I do feel comfortable in asking one other small favor.
I've been working on OCULUS, which is the sequel to SLIPSTREAM, and I want to get the blurb for the book solidified. Think of this as kinda similar to a query letter I think...only without all the Dear Agent and this book has so and so word count and all that jazz. Or, think of it as an extremely short synopsis. Maybe that's a better word. But it needs to grab or be interesting or have zing!
I know it doesn't have that yet.
So I'd like to post it here for you to look at and tell me what I should do to make it better. It's 250~ words right now. Here it is:
Fallsemester has arrived for the Ivy League, and Jordan Pendragon attends his firstclasses as a freshman at Cornell. Bornwith a brilliant mathematical mind, he strives to balance a life as a researchassistant with that of a student athlete playing ice hockey for the Big Red.
Armedwith the university's particle collider, Jordan is tasked with fluoroscopingAntarctic ice cores to identify the elements they contain. The data he collects will be used by Dr.Wolfson, head of the climate-change project, to assemble the world's firstatmospheric model reflecting a million years of Earth's history.
ButJordan has another agenda. He combs thedata strings for a specific signature belonging to the rare earth element neodymium. Used to make essential magnets in all electronics,the presence of neodymium will give Jordan a search area to begin his quest for theBlack Tower, a monolithic edifice housing a thing that defines the verystructure of the universe. As large as amountain, Jordan believes it is buried somewhere in Antarctica under milesof prehistoric ice.
October finds Jordan earning a starting position with the team. But a dark cloud gathers overhis rookie season. Unexplaineddeaths, whispers of a cannibal cult, and a stone known only as the Oculus casta shadow over his athletic dreams. It is the start of a terrifying journey down a path of betrayal, murder, and to an Evil more ancient than the stars.
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