365 Writing Challenge: Month 2

Month 2 is over! This is getting increasingly more difficult as the days go on but I am at least getting a story a day so that's good. Enjoy a free story from this month!

Again, this is unedited so pardon any typos or grammatical errors.

February 8, 2021

The Things We Do For Love

“It’s sad,” a deep, rich voice said.

“Failed again,” another voice replied. This one was soft and melodious, as though there was an undercurrent of some song buried beneath it.

“He will try again,” the first voice noted.

“He is persistent.” The second voice sounded thoughtful.

“Shall we help him?”

“A small push, I believe. They get so close but he cannot seem to overcome his own mind.”

“Yes,” the first voice agreed.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Michael asked. The archangel was ridiculously handsome with his tousled blond hair and sky blue eyes. His face was, at the moment anyway, set into a very unhappy, stony mask.

I didn’t think this conversation was going to make him so angry, I thought to myself.

“Why not?” Michael asked, plucking the thought straight out of my head.

“Oh, right. I keep forgetting you’re an angel and can read thoughts and stuff,” I said. It was still an adjustment that I was dealing with. Being dead, that was. And the whole being in heaven and hanging out with literal angels.

Big adjustment, I thought again.

“You need to stop thinking so much.” Michael rubbed his temples. “It’s giving me a headache.”

“Uh...sorry,” I said.

“Anyway, back to the matter at hand.” Michael glanced at me intensely. So intensely it was really hard to keep his gaze. “You want to go back?”

“Reincarnation is an option for me, right?” I asked.

The archangel pulled out a slim, black notebook and flipped it open to a page. My name was upside down but I could still make it out.

Shawn Carter.

The angel scanned the page for a moment and then looked back at me.

“Well Shawn, it looks as though you’ve gone back eight times. You realize that if you go back again, that’s it. You get nine lives down there. After you use them up, that’s it. Finito, buddy.” Michael closed the book. “You’re stuck up here. I have to ask, why are you doing this?”

I thought really hard about that, but is there really any other answer?

“A woman,” Michael said. “Of course. How humanly obvious and completely pedestrian. Do you lower creatures think about anything other than your constant need for love and approval? And don’t get me started on the whole soulmate thing.”

“So you’re saying the concept of having a soulmate, or a person that completes another person, as in they are two halves of the same soul, is false?” I asked, making sure to word that question very carefully.

Michael’s face suddenly went red with anger.

“You little…”

“So?” I interrupted, gulping nervously. I didn’t really want to press Michael into a corner, but the angel wasn’t leaving me any options.

“Fine! Yes, okay. The concept of a soulmate, of two people sharing the same soul, is true. You are a conniving little one aren’t you?” Michael looked like he wanted to hit me.

Probably because I figured out pretty early on that the angels couldn’t commit a sin. They could experience emotions like sadness, anger, and things like that, but they couldn’t commit a conscious sin.

For example...lying.

Therefore, if you word a question to one in a particular way, you can get a real, true answer. No dodges. No clever truths that answer the question but don’t actually answer the question. That’s what I did to Michael.

Despite how carefully I might have worded the question, I still felt there was something I missed.

Michael picked up on my thoughts and smirked. He tried to hide his smile but I caught it anyway. It was one of those I-know-something-you-don’t-know type smirks.

“What are you not telling me?” I asked, and instantly wanted to smack myself.

“There are a lot of things I don’t tell you, human,” Michael said with a contemptuous laugh. “I do applaud your initiative with the soulmate question. That was clever. More so than most humans who end up here. You had my respect.”

“And I don’t now?” I asked.

“I’m an angel. We’re fickle. What do you want from me?”

My frustration was quickly growing.

“What I want is to know what would happen if I went back to be with her?” I asked. “How will I find her again?”

“And therein lies the trouble,” Michael told me. “You can’t. At least not intentionally. That’s the way soulmates work. You get one shot. And is she still among the living down there?”

“I don’t know,” I replied. I rubbed my neck nervously. “I never actually found my soulmate.”

“Why do you want to find her now?” Michael asked. He seemed intrigued by the discussion despite himself.

“Because we humans only think about love and approval,” I answered, joking but at the same time being completely serious.

Michael glanced at me intensely, as if studying some weird but interesting bug. His stony face was unreadable. Then his mouth twitched a bit and turned into a smile. The next second, he was laughing out loud. It lasted for a good minute or two. He even clapped me on the back at one point.

“I like you,” he said, when he was done.

Then he grabbed my shoulder and hauled me to my feet.

“That was funny but you aren’t telling me the whole truth, are you?” Michael asked. He pulled me along with him now. “Come on, this way.”

I thought about what he said. Really thought about it.

“Ok. You were right. You only get one shot,” I stopped there. “And I think I found her but I lost my chance with her.”

The memory of her floated to my mind. She was beautiful. More beautiful than anyone I’d ever met. Her smile would instantly brighten up my day. Her eyes would look at me and see me for who I really was. When we talked, it was like we’d known each other our whole lives.

Being with her was just…

Easy, I thought.

“Not to pry into your head but that does sound like a soulmate. Soulmates are like magnets, Shawn. The two halves pull each other together, but I have to warn you, that pull fades. Unfortunately, you’re on your ninth life. I hate to say it but the pull is probably so weak at this point that going back to find her will be next to impossible.” To his credit, he actually did seem to be sympathetic to my situation.

“I have to try,” I insisted.

“Why? Why would you want to put yourself through that kind of pain?” Michael asked.

“Because, I love her.” I looked away from him and stared into the distance. Thinking of her made a part of me hurt.

The angel continued pulling me along as we talked. Maybe ten or fifteen minutes later, the scenery abruptly switched from a bright, beautifully constructed city environment to a scene of dense, wooded trees. The trees were thick and tall but so beautiful they were beyond description. Going through the dense foliage was a path.

Michael didn’t hesitate to lead me down it.

I looked around. “Where are you taking me?”

“Don’t worry about that for now,” Michael responded.

He suddenly stopped me and then we stood there, face to face. He peered at me so intensely that I quickly grew uncomfortable.

“Uhh...what are you doing?” I asked.

“Call it a test,” he answered.

Michael placed his hand on my chest. A second later, it started to glow with a soft, bluish light. He closed his eyes. I didn’t really know what to do.

“Don’t move,” Michael said. “This part is imp..”

His voice cut off and his eyes popped wide open.

“What?” I asked, thinking something was wrong.

Michael smiled broadly.

“Uhh...is there something wrong?” I asked.

“No,” Michael replied.

He didn’t elaborate. Instead, he went back to dragging me along the path again. It took maybe twenty more minutes before we got to Michael’s destination. The woods thinned out and we found ourselves standing on a slight hill overlooking an enormous, stone castle complete with moat, drawbridge, and iron gate. Standing in front of the gate was what looked like a woman. She held a large broadsword

“Ta daa!” Michael exclaimed, holding out his arms to encompass the castle.

“Why are we at a castle?” I asked, confused.

“The test, silly human,” Michael answered, with actual cheer. The abrupt change in his attitude was disorienting.

“Why are you helping me?” I asked. I was suspicious, thinking he was trying to trick me.

“Because, if there’s one thing I do admire about your kind, it’s your persistence. Your tenacity. There’s a strength in that I respect, despite myself.”

I looked for some kind of hidden motive, but there didn’t seem to be one. He seemed completely serious.

“Do you have more questions for me, or do you want me to tell you how this test is going to work?” Michael asked.

“I guess tell me how this is going to work,” I answered.

“Okay. This will test your resolve and that tenacity I am so fond of. If you pass, you get what you want. You get to go back but more than that, you get more of your memories than ever before. More deja vu as you humans call it. More intuition. That will help guide you. Do you understand?”

I nodded.

“It will help you find your soulmate and give you a better chance. But if you fail the test, those memories will not come with you. You’ll be going back blind,” Michael cautioned.

“What is this test?” I asked.

“No idea. It’s different for everyone,” Michael answered.

“How many people have gone through this test?” I asked. “Is it dangerous?”

“Dangerous? No,” Michael replied. “You’re already dead, remember. Uncomfortable? Unpleasant? Hard? Check, check, and check. As for how many people have done it. Including you? That would be...three? I feel like it’s three.”

“Three?” I asked, disbelievingly. “That’s it? Why?”

“In short? Because no one really thinks to ask.” Michael shrugged. “And no one else has had the resolve to try. Most people don’t even know to ask the soulmate question. I would ask what made you think to ask, but I already found the answer to that question.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, curious.

“Maybe I’ll tell you when you get back here,” he replied, now openly showing that smirk. “Anyway, let’s go ahead and get this show on the road.”

He pushed me down the hill.

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked, pinwheeling my arms in an effort to keep my balance as I half jogged, half ran down the hill toward the drawbridge and the entrance to the castle.

“Figure it out!” Michael yelled at me.

Great, that was super helpful, I thought. Thanks a lot.

“You’re welcome! Good luck. I actually mean that this time,” Michael yelled from the top of the hill.

I finally managed to regain my balance so I didn’t end up face-planting into the soft, cushiony grass at the bottom of the hill. When I did get there, I stopped for a second, taking things in. The castle was large and imposing. The drawbridge was old, weathered wood that still managed to look sturdy despite its apparent age. The woman I’d seen from the top of the hill was staring at me intently. I saw the pommel of a sword sticking up from her back. She was dressed in form fitting, silver armor with gold trim. She wore no helm, so I was able to get a good look at her face. She had long, black hair that draped over her front and was styled with tight ringlets and curls. Her eyes were dark, slanted a bit, and pretty with eyelashes that helped to accentuate how beautiful they were. She had a perfect cupid's bow mouth with the bottom lip a bit fuller than the top.

I wanted to walk forward, but the woman transfixed me.

Remember why you’re here, I told myself.

That thought bolstered my resolve and I finally made my legs actually move. They took a few tentative steps and then my confidence kicked in and I walked with greater purpose. I ate up the distance to the drawbridge. When I took my first step on it, the guardian woman drew her sword. It was a massive, gleaming broadsword. I couldn’t quite figure out how she was even able to lift the thing. It looked delicate but deadly at the same time, much like the woman herself.

“Stay back,” the woman said, menacingly pointing her sword at me.

I put my hands up to show I meant her no harm.

“Hi,” I said, somewhat lamely.

“You do not belong here,” the woman said.

“I know, I know,” I replied. “It’s just there’s something important in that castle. Something I want very badly.”

I took a few more steps toward her, waiting for an angry response.

Instead, she didn’t say anything. The point of the sword continued to point at me.

“Why do you guard this castle?” I asked. “Why is it important that you protect this gate?”

She blinked as if no one had ever asked her that before.

“It’s my duty,” the woman replied. There was a bit of hesitation to her now. The point of her sword slowly fell to the ground and rested on one of the drawbridge’s wooden planks.

“That all?” I took a few steps closer, all the while fixing my gaze on her. I tried to convey an air of confidence as I approached.

Let’s go. You can do this. You have to do this. You have to get back. You have to be with her again.

Those thoughts flew through my mind. They spurred me onward even though part of me didn’t want to emotionally manipulate this woman into letting me inside the castle.

It’s a test, I told myself. Just a test. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re supposed to do this. That’s what Michael said.

“Turn around,” the woman told me, but there was hardly any conviction to her tone now. She seemed to be growing fond of me.

That hesitation gave me a measure of hope, although I couldn’t really understand what she wanted from me other than the fact that I could tell she didn’t really want me to leave. Whether that was because she liked me or because she just wanted someone to talk to, I wasn’t sure. Whatever the case may be, it was an opening and if I ever wanted to get back, then I would have to shake off all my reservations and push through.

“Why do you want me to go away?” I asked.

She blinked, once again confused by the question.

“Because it’s…” she hesitated. “My duty.”

“But what do you want? What do you actually want? Go ahead, I’m listening.” That was not a manipulation either. Despite the fact that this was a test, I could tell something was bothering her. And that bothered me. I wanted to help her. Truly help her and not just use her feelings to gain entrance to the castle.

She looked at me, staring at my eyes as if she wanted to read my mind. I could see her fear, lurking in the depths of her own eyes like tiny, flickering fires. She didn’t want to trust me. She thought I was trying to trick her.

“I want to find the love that brings you here,” she said, her voice almost a whisper.

My eyes widened a bit.

Was she not an angel?

Was she an angel?

What was her story?

How did she get stuck here?

“What holds you back?” I asked, the test was pushed to the back of my mind for the moment. There was something about this woman that urged me to help her. I felt her pain like it was my own, but I also understood her.

“Fear,” she replied simply. “I fear that all the things I feel will not be returned. I fear even if they are, they will fade over time. I fear that the world will work to keep us apart. I fear my own mind will work against me and prevent the very thing my heart wants most.”

“I get that,” I told her with a small, sad smile. “I’ve felt that fear so much. And do you want to know a secret?”

She looked at me skeptically, as if my question might be some sort of trap. Her curiosity, however, got the better of her and she gave me a slight nod.

“It never goes away. That fear stays with you, always. The problem is not how to get rid of that fear, but how to overcome it. How to face it and make it back down. I’ve learned that the hard way more times than I care to admit.” I caught her gaze and held it with my own. I wanted her to feel the urgent truth to my words. As I tried my best to help her, I realized I was helping myself at the same time. “I know what it’s like to doubt. I know what it’s like to have that voice in the back of your mind whisper that you will fail. That your feelings will not be returned. That you’re just not good enough. I know that voice. That voice haunts me even now, but I will not let it beat me this time. I will not let it stop me anymore.”

The woman took in my words as if they were water and she was dying of thirst. Then her sword dropped from her suddenly nerveless fingers. A tear slowly slipped out of her eye and trailed down her cheek. She bowed slightly to me.

“Thank you,” she whispered. Then she moved slightly to one side, allowing me access to the castle’s gate. “I wish you luck. I truly do.”

I wasn’t quite sure what happened or why this guard was letting me pass, but I wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip past me.

“I hope you find the love you want,” I said. “And thank you for this.”

“You are welcome,” she told me before her body shimmered with bright, radiant light.

It was so bright, I had to shield my eyes. When the light vanished, the woman was gone.

I guess I passed, I thought to myself. A sense of triumph surged through me as I turned toward the gate, but I didn’t let it overwhelm me. I knew whatever was in the castle, it was probably much worse and much more painful than facing the truth of how I always let my fears control me in my life(s) on Earth. Let’s do this.

The gate lifted as I walked toward it. I stopped and watched it rise upward, and as it did, my confidence rose too.

I passed the courtyard inside to the opposite end. There was only one door. I looked around to make sure, but all the walls were blank. There weren’t even slits for windows.

The only thing present was that door.

It was plain but looked heavy. It was arched at the top and had a heavy, iron ring for a handle. I walked to it with a single-minded purpose. Nothing else mattered.

It didn’t take long to get to the door and when I did, I grabbed the handle and pulled. I might’ve used a bit more strength than was strictly necessary. The door popped open with ease and I nearly stumbled back and fell. The door was much lighter than it looked.

I stared up at the sky.

Ha. Ha, I thought sarcastically. Very funny.

I looked into the castle’s interior and found a dark tunnel staring back at me. A few feet inside, the tunnel ended in a set of stairs that descended deeper into the castle’s guts. I took a deep, steadying breath, and continued on.

This is my last chance. No choice left. I have to make this count. Have to.

My thoughts were the only thing keeping me company in that scary, dark place. They weren’t good company, however. They were like weights that sank into my mind, bearing me down and making it hard to keep going.

My conversation with the angel at the gate gave me the strength to continue on. I put one foot in front of the other and eventually, I got to the bottom. It was dark down there too, but that didn’t last long. A light started glowing with soft, white luminescence. Weirdly, it didn’t seem to be coming from anywhere. It was just there.

I looked around and saw that I was now in a large, plain room. The walls were unadorned. The floor was made of bland, grey stone. It was round, but that seemed to be the extent of the aesthetic choices to the place. Directly opposite of me, however, were two doors this time. They were identical to each other and both were ornate and beautiful. They were made of a dark wood polished to a high shine. Near the top of each one was a marble plaque set into a beautifully sculpted, golden frame. Etched into each one was some type of graphic. Although I couldn’t tell what the graphics were, I could see that they were different from each other. It was the only thing, as far as I could tell, that set the two doors apart from each other.

And standing in front of the doors, barring my progress, was another armor-clad person. This one was a man, or at least looked like a man. I was willing to bet that this one, like the woman at the gate, was another angel.

Doesn’t look like Michael, I thought. Who is this guy?

The angelic guard stared at me with a bored look on his face. He even yawned, although I suspected the yawn was for show.

“What do you want, human?” asked the guard after he finished with his yawn.

“I...uhh...was told to come here,” I answered. I walked toward him with fear and nervousness seeping into my body. I could feel myself shaking but I tried to hide it. I smiled at the guard with what I hoped was a convincing, non-scared look. “I’m supposed to, you know, head through one of those doors. Michael sent me, so…”

My voice trailed off and I knew the guard wasn’t buying any of my lies.

“Michael sent you?” The guard looked thoughtful for a second.

My fear was so overpowering that if I wasn’t already dead, I probably would’ve had a heart attack. At the very least, I would’ve gotten some kind of world record for fastest heartbeat. I gave the guard a shaky nod as his intense, obsidian-colored eyes bore into my soul. Which was probably true since angels could read minds.

Thankfully, I thought of that before I decided to outright lie.

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!

The Spice Girls song was the most annoying thing I could think of, and that line replayed inside my head over and over again. I refused to think of anything else.

The guard continued staring at me intensely, then he visibly winced.

“Ugh. Why do you keep repeating that song lyric over and over again?” the guard asked. “Quit that. It’s annoying.”

“Sorry.” I shrugged. “I got it stuck in my head. Anyway, am I good to go?”

...get with my friends! If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends! If you wanna…

“Fine! Whatever, just go!” The guard urged me onward.

I hesitated for a moment, thinking this was some kind of trap, but then I decided that I had to risk it anyway. I surged forward, walking somewhat fast. I didn’t want to push my luck any further. I got to the angel guard, walked past him, and then stood in front of the doors. Not for the first time since I got to the chamber, I wondered why there were two of them. Up close, I saw that the graphic on the left side door was a moon while the one on the right was of a butterfly. I had no idea what the graphics meant and I didn’t want to ask the angel, so I decided to risk it and just pick one. I picked the right one first. I even put my hand on the doorknob, but then I second-guessed myself and went to the left door. Then I switched again. I did this a couple more times before I finally settled on the left door.

Here goes nothing.

I was about to turn the knob when I felt a crushing hand on my shoulder. It gripped me painfully, picked me up as if I weighed nothing at all, and then proceeded to throw me across the room. I landed in a heap in front of the stairs. I rolled around and groaned loudly, my back arching. I tried desperately to get air back into my lungs after it had been so rudely knocked out of me by the guard.

I slowly (and very gingerly) got back to my feet.

“Wh-what did you do tha-that for?” I gasped.

The guard didn’t say anything at all for a few seconds. Then he sneered at me.

“You really think I would just let you stroll right on past me?” The guard laughed and it was definitely mocking. There was much mocking in that laughter.

I bristled with anger.

“But Michael…”

“I don’t see Michael here. If Michael wanted you to go through one of those doors, then he’d come down here and tell me himself. You aren’t getting past me, so you might as well just turn around and head back up those stairs.” The guard made a show of cracking each one of his knuckles.

How am I supposed to get past him? There’s no way.

Those thoughts were depressingly true.

Depressingly true but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going away.

“No,” I said. I moved jerkily toward the guard again.

I’m not sure what my thought process was, but it somehow ended with “fight the uber-strong, powerful angel.”

I got to him in a very stiff-legged run and took a swing at him. I wasn’t much of a fighter but I could hold my own if I was really pushed to it.

That wasn’t the case this time.

My punch was easily telegraphed and the guard ducked underneath it with ridiculous ease and speed. He came back up and brought his knee with him. The knee planted itself firmly in my stomach with such force, it actually lifted me a few inches off the ground. Before I could come back down, the guard caught the front of my shirt, swirled me around, and let me go flying through the air.

I crashed at the foot of the stairs.

Again!

“Stay down. Or better yet, give up! Go back up the stairs. Do that and the pain will stop!” The guard was clearly getting frustrated now.

“N-no,” I whispered, mostly to myself.

I picked myself up. It was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. Every fiber of my being was screaming and yelling at me to stay down.

“Why are you fighting?” the guard asked. “Why is this so important?”

I didn’t answer. I just attacked. I was in a lot of pain, but I was determined. I was stubborn. I held my hands up to ward off any punches or kicks as I came in but the guard wasn’t letting himself get baited. He was strictly playing defense. I jabbed at him lightly, mostly just trying to feel out his fighting style. The guard, of course, dodged it easily. Then one of his fists came roaring at me. I ducked and dodged it but just barely. I could feel the wind coming off his fist as it sailed just centimeters past the end of my nose.

I have to win.

I have to win.

I HAVE TO WIN!

I screamed this thought so loudly inside my head that I saw the guard flinch a bit.

What was that?

The flinch caused the guard to falter the tiniest, smallest bit.

No way.

The guard’s easy confidence wasn’t so rock solid anymore. I could tell I found out something he didn’t want me to know. Something vital if I was going to win.

I smiled as an actual plan of attack formulated in my head.

YOU SUCK!

I screamed this inside my mind and at the same time, I lashed out with a powerful, roundhouse kick.

The guard flinched, and hope surged with renewed vigor inside me.

I felt like the next few seconds slowed to a crawl. It seemed to take forever for my kick to connect with the side of the guard’s face. It was almost there. One more second and it would hit him.

Almost there, I thought.

And finally, my kick…

...was blocked.

The guard calmly grabbed my ankle and completely stopped my kick’s momentum. He did it like it was no big deal, even though I put everything I had into it.

“I tried to give you a way out,” the guard said. “Guess it takes a lot for a lesson to stick with you, doesn’t it?”

I didn’t even have time to say anything whitty back.

The guard’s hand clamped down even harder on my ankle and then swung me around. I felt my stomach lurch uncomfortably with the sheer force of his swing. I felt like I was going down the steep drop of a roller coaster.

The guard let me go and I crashed into the wall. The wind was knocked out of me again and I fell to the ground. I thought I would at least have a bit of time to get my breath back, but the guard wasn’t playing around anymore. As soon as I hit the ground, he was there, picking me up and shoving me into the wall again. My back connected with the hard stonework walls. My head connected next and my vision went white with pain for a split second. I cried out.

“You can end this!” The guard was yelling in front of my face. “GIVE UP!”

I laughed.

I couldn’t help it.

“Why are you laughing?” the guard asked.

He slugged me in the stomach. I coughed harshly and my stomach muscles clenched painfully. If I had any food in my stomach, I would’ve hurled in his face. I took in a shaky breath before I was able to answer him.

“B-because,” I explained. “I’m not ever going to stop. Not. Ever. You get it? You can beat the crap out of me for eternity and I’ll just keep coming back. You can’t make me stop fighting for her.”

The guard’s eyes widened a tiny bit and he stopped punching me.

“Why?” he asked. “Is she worth it?”

“I’ve never wanted anything more,” I said. Images of her danced across my vision. Her eyes. Her smile. The way her nose crinkled slightly when she laughed.

The guard looked at me. His dark eyes once again bored straight into my soul as if judging me to see if I was worthy. And then, the guard set me down.

As he did, all the incredible pain I felt was suddenly gone. It was as though I never got my butt handed to me by a ridiculously powerful angel bully. I was utterly confused, and part of me thought the angel was playing another game with me like when he pretended to fall for my whole, “Michael sent me” trick.

“What’s...uh...going on now?” I asked. Each movement the angel made caused me to flinch reflexively. The pain might’ve disappeared, but that didn’t mean I never felt it, and that trauma was still messing with me.

“You passed!” The angel said. He reached behind his back and pulled something out in a flourish (which made me flinch again).

It was a confetti shooter. The angel pulled the string on its back end and a loud pop! filled the air as bits of string and confetti shot out.

“Congrats!”

“Wha…” I stammered.

“You can go through whichever door you choose,” the guard said, cheerily. He put an arm around my shoulder and ushered me closer to the doors. “I will warn you though, my part of this test wasn’t the last one. Picking the right door is your final test. Pick the wrong one and you lose the advantages Michael explained to you. You’ll go back a blank slate. You will have no subconscious hints to guide you in the right direction. No feelings. No instincts. Nothing. So choose wisely.”

I had so many questions, chief of which being how did I pass the angel’s test when he clearly destroyed me. But I pushed those out of my mind and instead, focused on this new test. The two of us came to stand in front of the doors and I stared up at the graphics on their marble plaques.

The moon and the butterfly.

What did they mean?

I had no idea.

The butterfly and the moon.

The moon and the butterfly.

I was losing my mind trying to figure them out.

At some point, the guard had left. I didn’t even see him leave.

I guess it is all literally up to me, I realized.

I stared at the doors, inwardly fighting myself and being wracked with indecision. I was about to give up hope, but then something occurred to me. It was a snippet of memory.

“Here, look at this. I want to get a tattoo.” It was a memory of her. It played in my head like it was happening all over again. She had pulled out a folded sheet of paper and was showing it to me. The paper had a drawing on it.

I remembered that drawing. In fact, it inspired some of my own works before I died and found myself up in heaven. It had been of a butterfly. In fact, the same butterfly that was engraved into the marble plaque of the right hand door.

“It’s just...me,” she had said. “It just feels like me. You know?”

I felt myself tearing up as memories of her swept through me. The first time I ever met her. The talks we used to have. The times I made her laugh. The times she made me laugh. The fun we had together.

The tears spilled down my face.

I also remembered how I was afraid to show her how I really felt. I wanted to, so badly, but every time I tried, I couldn’t manage to get past my own fear. And I remembered when I made the choice to stop fighting for her, to give up on ever being with her because I decided I missed my window. That I was already too late.

I thought about those memories and suddenly, I understood why Michael had put me through his little tests.

That was clever, I thought to myself.

Then I turned the handle on the butterfly door and opened it.

“He passed the tests.” the rich, deep voice said.

“That is good,” the melodious voice replied. “I hope this time, he realizes that he cannot let his fear control him and that he mustn’t give up.”

“I think this time, he shall succeed.”

“Let us hope so.”