104 Reasons to Practice Keyboard TLC

Hmmm, can we talk?

Excuse me, I need tospeak with you…Down here… Down here…Yes, it’s me, the keyboard on your laptop. We need to talk.

I am touched that wehave been spending so much more time together since you have been working fromhome. How long has it been now? Almost a year? It hardly seems possible and yet– Oh hell, it feels like it has been a decade!

Please do not get me wrong.I certainly feel needed and that is reassuring. But honestly, I was notdesigned to be used this much. I am aging before my time.

I should clarify that Iam speaking on behalf of all 104 keys that collectively comprise who I am –

including SpaceBar. Space Bar is so terriblyunappreciated. Some say he is not an actual key and that is so unfair. But Idigress.

A few of my keys inparticular are suffering from overuse.

E is so overused that her name has beenworn off. (Do you have any idea how many words in the English language containthe letter e?) To the uninformed, she now appears as nameless and that is verydehumanizing.

J has developed a distinct disability. Hehas the opposite problem as E. So very few words contain theletter J, so he is not accustomed to frequent use. Jnow sticks periodically and is unable to perform as required. He finds thisimpotence personally embarrassing.

Return (aka Enter) is one of the moreesoteric keys in my family. She is not part of the alphabet which has given heran inferiority complex. But you would be surprised how much she is used. Infact, she has developed an RSI and is in treatment.

Page Up and Page Down (identicaltwins – we often call them TweedleUp and TweedleDown) have oftenbeen unused for days in the past. But lately you have been reviewing moremultiple page PDFs which requires constant work by the twins. You should knowthat they have now been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome.

But it is Deletethat I am most concerned about. With the exponential increase ine-mails in the last year, use of Delete has increased tenfold.

I understand that youare frustrated at receiving so many messages. But taking out your frustrationby hammering Delete repeatedly while cursing a blue streak is cruel. Deleteis literally black and blue with bruises and is now suffering from aconcussion.

If I may be so bold asto suggest it, I am extension of your brain. My keys are in a manner ofspeaking neural transmitters that translate your thoughts to the virtual page. Youwould be lost without me.

Is it so much to ask fora little TLC (pun intended) in these trying times?

~  Now Available Onlinefrom Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites ofPassage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is alsothe author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel whichwas a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’swebsite at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .

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