WIP Diagnostic: Is This Working? A Closer Look at a Fantasy Short Story Opening

Critique by Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

WIP Diagnostics is a weekly column that studies a snippet of a work in progress for specific issues. Readers are encouraged to send in work with questions, and we diagnose it on the site. It’s part critique, part example, and designed to help the submitter as well as anyone else having a similar problem.

If you're interested in submitting to WIP Diagnostics, please check out these guidelines. 

Submissions currently in the queue: Zero

Please Note: As of today, critique slots are open.

This week’s questions:

1. Does it grab attention?

2. Would you want to read on?

3. Do the characters have personalities?

4. Does it work?

Market/Genre: Urban Fantasy Short Story

Note: This is a revised piece of a previous submission. Here’s the original for those who’d like to see how the author reworked it.

On to the diagnosis…

Continue ReadingWritten by Janice Hardy. Fiction-University.com