So You Wanna Be A Published Author?

I read a lot about the publishing industry. Just like any other career, it pays to keep up with what folks in your field are saying. The majority of people not affiliated with a Big Six publisher are talking about how print is going away, how e-books are the wave of the future, yadda yadda. (I still like bound paper books, thank you.) Friends and acquaintances are asking me how I got my two books published. For posterity's sake, if nothing else, I thought I'd share my two experiences thus...