Strive for Loving Relationships, and Avoid the Toxic Ones

Today’s post is an excerpt from my book, 7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By: A Guide to the Happy, Peaceful, & Meaningful Life.

Generally, relationships should be based on love, acceptance, and understanding, which is good and healthy. However, they can sometimes be based on distrust, dissatisfaction, and a lack of understanding, which of course is not good and healthy. We have to learn to attract the good kinds of relationships and to avoid the bad ones.

Think about who is in your life the most, from day to day. This will probably include people who you live with, whether they are your parents, a spouse, children, or possibly roommates. Some of your close relationships may also be with your coworkers or with superiors at work. These relationships tend to be very important because we spend a lot of time with these people, meaning that they can have a greater influence over us.

Be cautious if you find yourself surrounded by people who are insensitive to your needs. They may belittle you, be sarcastic, attack you verbally or even physically, actively get in the way of your pursuits, start intense arguments with you, and so forth. Depending on the frequency and intensity of these, they can create a toxic environment for you.

Something to be aware of is that healthy relationships have issues too. Don’t worry that if you have an intense argument with someone, that this automatically means the relationship is toxic. This isn’t necessarily the case. The problem is when you feel drained and agonize over interactions with certain people. Keep in mind that in some families or in some relationships, arguments may be a normal part of life, and it can be an effect of personalities that clash, but who still care for each other. In fact, some people may have a way of bonding through their arguments. The issue is if someone becomes distraught and deeply troubled through chronic arguments. If such a thing occurs often, we may have a toxic relationship which is in need of repair.

If you have found yourself holding all of your thoughts inside and becoming resentful in order to keep the peace, you should realize that this isn’t the best path either. In some cases, it is reasonable to disagree with someone and possibly even to argue. I will ask that you consider the middle path. Do not always argue, and do not always hold in your feelings and keep them to yourself. Perhaps the best option is to state how you feel without needing to argue about it. Be who you are and hold your own viewpoints and allow others to be who they are. Some people get intensely argumentative because ultimately, they wish to control others, and people of course cannot be controlled so easily.

Note that if you find yourself in an overly toxic environment that is harming you, you should consider leaving that environment if possible. This may involve stopping an activity, changing your workplace, or even changing homes. The more drastic the choice would be, the more deeply you should consider if it is truly worth it to leave the environment, or if there is another way to repair the situation. For instance, if you have an issue with a sibling, discussing the matter with another family member could help. Or if you have an issue with a fellow worker, discussing this with your employer could help.

Even if you are not contributing to the toxicity in any way, you will suffer through everyday exposure to it. For this reason, you may consider leaving such environments even when it is not your fault.

Remember this: Allow others to be who they are, and be who you are. You do not need to agree with everyone, and everyone does not need to agree with you.

7 Thoughts to Live Your Life By (eBook) is currently just $0.99 on Amazon, Google Play, Apple, Kobo, and Barnes & Noble (normally $5.99). The book is currently being promoted in over 20 venues and is available to readers in the US, the UK, Canada, Australia, and India. This promotion will conclude at the end of February the 15th.

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