The Fiver | Cashiered from the competition for sporting incompetence

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Ah, the magic of the Cup! On Tuesday, in the first match of the fifth round, Burnley put in exactly the sort of performance you’d expect from an organisation that fills in the teamsheet with a yawn, then hands it in covered in coffee rings and fag ash, two games of noughts and crosses absent-mindedly scribbled in the margin, next to a large cock-and-balls. Thank goodness for the Bournemouth official who sportingly pointed out that Erik Pieters was suspended and therefore shouldn’t be in the starting XI, ensuring the Clarets would be cashiered from the competition for sporting incompetence rather than the only-slightly-more-embarrassing administrative variety.

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