Negative Comparisons Are KILLING Me

I hate thefact that I’m always comparing myself with others.

When I lookat other writers, I often think, “Wow, look at how well they write/how muchpeople love their books/how much money they’re making/how happy they seem.”

Then I lookat my own writing, my fan base, my income, and my current level of happiness,and find myself feeling worse because of the comparison.

I’ll admitit’s probably one of my worst flaws—a flaw that I’d say most human being share.

We compareas a means of measuring progress or establishing our place in social hierarchy.Sadly, the comparisons often end up being negative and getting us down.

As I’m wrapping up the Cerberus series and starting work on the Darkblade Assassin rewrite, it’s getting a bit out of hand. I’m not only comparing myself to the books I’m reading and the authors in my social circle, but also the writer I was and who I feel I SHOULD be after all these years.

So, yeah, it’s been a bit of a struggle…

Luckily for me, I ran across an article that talked aboutways to stop making these negative comparisons. The originalarticle was about beauty ideals, but I’m adapting it to my own life as anauthor.

Some of the things suggested include:

Steer your self-worthaway from physical appearance—or, in my case, my appearance as a writer. Thatincludes how well I think my books read in comparison to others, or howbeautiful my covers are, or any number of factors. My worth as a person can’tbe tied into the “appearance” of my books.

Be the judge of what is beautiful—physically and artistically. I LOVED writing the Cerberus series and am LOVING getting back to telling the Hunter’s story. Even if it’s not everyone’s idea of perfection, the fact that it’s inspiring me is enough to make it beautiful art.

Limit the amount oftime you spend on platforms that trigger your tendency to compare. Thankfully,I don’t spend too much time on social media. But I’ll probably be dialing itback even more.

Surround yourselfwith others who promote positivity and live positively. That’s absolutelysomething I want to do. Luckily, I’m a member of some very uplifting author andreader communities, and spending time there does wonders to lift my spirit.

Practice usingpositive talk. That’s probably going to be my biggest “to do” for thisyear. I need to change my inner self-talk so I start talking and thinking morepositively about myself, my writing, my stories, and everything about my authorcareer. It’ll take work, but at least I’ve recognized the need for change, soI’ve taken the first step.

Here’s hoping the rest of 2021 is a better, happier, andmore positive year for me—and all of us.

Your Turn: Do You Compare With Others?

Are you, like me, struggling with negative comparisons? Whatareas do you find yourself comparing in most often? Work, parenting, health, beauty,weight loss, fitness, skills, etc.?

I know I’m not alone in this. We all compare negatively with others. If you’re up for dropping a comment below, I’d love to hear what areas you struggle most with. Sharing it is how we recognize the areas where we need to improve, to be more positive.

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