An Intermission from Instagram

Hi Friends.

Two notes for you before we dive in.
The first is that I’m thankful for you. I value community and having this space to share, and an audience to share it with, means an incredible amount.
Second, is that while we’re talking about Instagram today - I understand how silly it is to take a month’s post to talk about an app. If you’re an artist on IG though, I hope this post resonates if you sometimes (or often) feel frustrated with the whole thing. I’m also not making judgements on how others use IG for their work. Whether you have a flip phone and have sworn off sns for life, or you’re a Grade-A, Capital-I Influencer, know that today I’m just sharing my personal experience.

INSTAGRAM | The joys of connection, the tidal wave of doubt, and a much needed intermission.

I rarely discuss Instagram, which is strange because it’s my main marketing tool. There’s a good chance if you’re reading this, Instagram is where you found my work. If not, great - there’s life outside of social media yet! I quit fb/twitter long ago and don’t miss them, but Instagram is a powerful tool for artists. Since joining the platform almost a decade ago, IG has had a near daily impact on my reality, work, connections, business, and self worth. The landscape of the platform has changed - incrementally, it’s gotten busier and demanded more from creators. I try to keep up with the changes so I can take advantage of them, but I also resent the creeping pressure to become a multi-media videographer/content creator/personality. When I’m painting, aka doing my job, I sense I should be running a parallel business of capturing it and sharing it. Who can paint like that? I sound so old, and if I do that’s ok, I think I am actually 117 at heart. Anyway, me and IG are not jiving right now and haven’t been for a while. This post and this break have been a long time coming.

Let’s dig in then shall we? It’s a long one so grab your coffee or tea, put some warm socks on, and settle in.

The Joys of Connection

Let’s begin with gratitude at the forefront.

I could speak at length about the reasons I love IG. I acknowledge how relevant it’s been for my career. I don’t for a second take that for granted. Sharing my work and process on IG has allowed me incredible opportunities that wouldn’t have happened without it. I’ve connected with artists all over the world - and some of those friendships have spilled into real life. My husband and I have moved 5 times in the last 10 years and each time, I’ve been able to connect with artists in new cities - as well as keep in touch with those I miss when I move away. When I have a gallery show, a drawing event, need a studio, or have a book coming out - IG is the community I turn to. We share, connect, learn, and collaborate. It’s a gold mine for meaningful interaction and sharing art.

Besides sharing my own work, of course, there’s the gift of seeing others’ lives, perspectives, and worlds. Especially in 2020, the platform blossomed even more into a place for activism, social justice, and change. It spurred a wider conversation around racial equity, climate change, and more. It’s also kept many of us connected through a global pandemic, where anxiety and isolation are felt deeply across the globe. And creatively, it’s wildly inspiring to witness people ALL over the world making beautiful and relevant things, whether it’s performance or painting or cooking. It’s amazing really.

The Tidal Wave of Doubt

While I can’t articulate scientifically how social media impacts our psychological well being, I’m interested in learning more about it after witnessing how it affects my own state of mind. I watched The Social Dilemma recently and have also been reading accounts of others who’ve ditched social media or found alternate ways to thrive. Two books on my reading list are DEEP WORK (been on my list forever) and DIGITAL MINIMALISM, both by Cal Newport. He also has a thoughtful blog & podcast I’m leaning into. I especially love this post about Analog Social Media - something I think a lot about after living abroad and this pandemic. My perspective has shifted from career growth to….making enough of an income to live, making art I love, investing in community, going to the theatre, volunteering, joining clubs, and being around humans! When we replace real world interactions with only digital versions, we lose something. Furthermore, it’s unsettling when those on the other side of the screen know only a skewed version of us (which is always the case unless they’re our closest of friends). This leads me to the personal and artistic complications of presenting ourselves on a platform like IG.

When I started posting a decade ago, I personally didn’t feel pressure to share or edit certain things. I didn’t attempt to build a brand around my work. I shared my life, friends, food, art, traveling - the usual. As time went on the follower count grew, which was amazing, but it brought a lot of ‘shoulds’ to the table. Posting started to feel heavier, the stakes higher. The need-to-be-liked people-pleaser part of me buddied up with my self-defeating perfectionist tendencies and together they snuggled in tight with the imposter syndrome I felt about having those followers at all. I loved myself, but waaaay deep down, I had a lot of hangups about my worth. It’s been a long process of accepting myself and I couldn’t have explained any of this until recently - and still everyday it takes work. It’s taken years of reflection, months of therapy, hours of Queer Eye, meditation, and journaling to realize how much I can love myself, and allow others to love me too - however well they know me, or however I present myself. In the most basic terms, we have to accept and celebrate ourselves in order to withstand the enveloping and unpredictable tide of social media. Whether we show up as alternate versions of ourselves or allow complete strangers’ experiences to affect our realities, we’ll never find true belonging on a platform like that if we don’t feel like we belong in our own real lives.

Artistically too, there’s a double edged sword in seeing productivity and inspiration from those we follow and admire. It’s incredible to see innovative work, to root for our peer’s accomplishments, and to see others thriving. But if I’m not feeling confident in my work or myself (or if I’m obsessively turning to IG for companionship) a tidal wave of doubt clears the ground from under me. I lose sight about what I actually want to make and can feel inferior when others post amazing work. Or, I can judge my work on the feedback/numbers it receives instead of critically thinking about how I’m progressing. As a commercial artist, I already have to stake claims to my time and focus in order to grow and have a fruitful practice. Being bombarded by other’s work and success can diminish that already fragile connection I have to my own artistic voice. There’s also the very real cost of distraction. Making art takes mental focus and time. It’s one of the hardest parts of the job…actually sitting down and creating.

A Much Needed Intermission

Taking a hiatus from social media is scary but scarier still is that recalibration, for me, isn’t possible without it.

Like so many, I’ve come to rely on Instagram as a parallel reality. Besides seeing what others are up to (artist and friends) I share my life, work, process, upcoming books, events, etc. My fears about stepping away include being forgotten, but also the sense that I should be grateful - I should be taking advantage of that dedicated space and audience online. The last couple of weeks I’ve been popping on to see what arose for me. Mostly, I felt like garbage, scrolling through the endless noise. But there were bright moments too - seeing posts of friends, getting kind DM’s, and the like. I’m a bit more aware of what I want when I jump back in. I’ve decided not to plan a concrete time schedule. Could be three months, could be six, could be a year. The last thing I need is for my break to be another project. In doing that, I’d focus instead on what I was learning while away so I could jump back in with an epiphany. Coming back to the world after a break, a vacation, or a burnout rarely feels like lightning. Instead it resembles little slivers of light, spark by spark coming out of the clouds. I have no reason to feel that this will be different.

So what’s next? Will I be back? Of course. Will I be completely strict in staying away? Mostly, but I’ll still be making sure trolls don’t roost themselves by doing a little sweep every now and then. I also have a book coming out next month so I’ll be back to share that for a bit. But for the most part, I’m eager to step away and see what blossoms in my life. I’ve slowly backed off the last couple of weeks and already feel a shift..

I read more instead of reaching to be lulled (or stressed) by scrolling

I realized I need meaningful input, so I found some blogs I love (like this one). I also recently subscribed to Harper’s Magazine, which I’ve always felt was too sophisticated for me. Someday I’ll be old and wise enough to be a subscriber, I thought. I turned 35 over the weekend and realized I’m an adult so I bought myself a subscription for my birthday!

I’m looking at my work differently. My task as an artist is not to compile bite sized pieces of progress to blitz into the world, hoping to gain attention for a couple of hours. My work, like most other artists’ work, is deeper and steadier. What I share on IG can be a companion or glimpse of that, but it is not a replacement.

The biggest thing I’m excited about is that I’m not taking a break from work or life, but quite the opposite. I’m focusing more on those things by letting go of the pressure of social media. I’m thrilled about what’s next in my career. I’m eager to put more energy into this blog and my newsletter. I’m concentrating on writing my own books, taking control of the direction of my work, digging into 3D and design, illustrating and painting without sharing it immediately, possibly building a little membership platform to dig even deeper into process, and reopening my online shop this year. I also have personal changes coming up in my life and am keen to be present in those shifts. Regarding marketing (something I have much to learn about), being off IG is a bit exhilarating - a good challenge of finding old school ways to stay relevant. I can reach out to podcasts, send work to companies/publishers I’d like to work with, or find new and lucrative ways to collaborate with others on meaningful projects. Maybe even pin up some drawings to brighten the bulletin boards of my local grocery store. How analog can I get?

In researching for this post and break, I did find some inspiring stories and resources - perhaps if you’re feeling like you need some time away from social media, you can find solace here too:

Let Go to Grow: On a Blogger’s Decision to Trade Social Media for a Quieter Life by Cal Newport & Mika Perry

Quit Social Media. Your Career May Depend On It by Cal Newport, from NYTimes
Especially loved this quote: “A dedication to cultivating your social media brand is a fundamentally passive approach to professional advancement. It diverts your time and attention away from producing work that matters and toward convincing the world that you matter.”

What I Learned From Quitting Instagram for 6 Months from The Healthy Maven

Sick of Nothing Working on Social Media? Try These 3 Surprising Strategies - Episode 304
I almost didn’t listen to that last episode of Creative Pep Talk Podcast bc I was worried it’d lure me back into IG! But Andy does a great job of outlining the uses for different forms of social media - and the first strategy really resonated with me

One Year After I Quit Social Media by Julia Bausenhardt

I truly value the community I have on Instagram. I’m going to miss seeing updates and work, and let’s be honest….other people’s pets, but I am looking forward to life unfolding in a new way, eyes away from my phone so much. I’m looking forward to digging into work and am happy, maybe more now than ever, to able to share meaningful content with you every month here on the blog and in my monthly bulletin.

Here, on the first of every month, I share insights on illustrating and life as a freelance artist. You can find posts on the picture book process, or balancing art and business. Sometimes I share exercises to get out of your comfort zone, or zeroing in on your creative compass. If you’d like a little extra, I send out a companion newsletter to the post each month in the form of my Illustration Bulletin. I share news on upcoming events, features, interviews, book releases, etc. Also, I link to little treasures that have nothing to do with art (spoiler, they’re mostly recipes I’ve tried and loved!) If you have specific things you’d like to see in upcoming posts/newsletters, feel free to leave them in the comments here. Also, March is going to be a packed bulletin. I have a new illustrated book coming out by Larissa Theule called Kafka and The Doll from Viking Press. I’ll be sharing a deep dive into the process of the illustrations PLUS a little gift to my subscribers to celebrate one whole year of the Illustration Bulletin ❤️You can sign up on the bottom of my site!

WOW Ok if you’re still reading this, thank you, it was a long one I know. But really, if you’re confused about loving and hating social media, I get it. I hope this post helps remind us all that it’s not the be-all end-all. Maybe every once in a while, we need a break to reclaim our time and our minds, to know that there’s a whole big world, and a tiny detailed one too, going on all around us. We don’t need a screen or thousands of followers to be seen, heard, understood, or celebrated.

A big high five to you friends. Happy February.
xo,

Becca