Musings, Observations, Nonsense

The following excerpts are taken from 'The Superhero Manual,' a free download for anyone subscribing to my mercifully brief newsletter (https:/davidgardnerauthor.com).

ANDROID QUANDARIES
When robots go online and come to a box that reads, 'I am not a robot,' what do they do?

THIRTY MINUTES
A little while ago, I poured drain cleaner into my bathtub. The bottle told me to wait thirty minutes, then flush with hot water. Twice it said 'thirty minutes,' so I guess that must be pretty important.

But exactly thirty minutes? Why not twenty-eight? Or thirty-two minutes and eleven seconds? Why are instructions always in round numbers? What happens if I go under or over?

Is the production formula adjusted to exactly thirty minutes? (Intent man in white lab coat: "The stuff works better if we leave it in for forty minutes." Intent woman in white lab coat: "But our users don't have that great an attention span.")

I have a lot more to say about this and other vital household timing events (for example, why is conditioner supposed to stay on for precisely sixty seconds, and who wears a watch in the shower anyway?) but I have to go: Thirty minutes are up.

BULL DOOTS
Do bulls ever wonder why their droppings have become synonyms for blatant lies?

"Why me?" they must ask. "Why not giraffes? Seals? Iguanas?"

Are their feelings hurt? I'll bet they are.

Maybe they should turn the tables on us:

First bull: "Last night I had hot dates with three cows."

Second bull: "That's HS." ('human...stuff')