We are all interested in the future

“We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”

— The Amazing Criswell, in Plan Nine From Outer Space

Ed Wood’s most famous film is one of my guiltiest pleasures, and the opening monologue by The Amazing Criswell is one of my favorite moments, and the first line of the movie is best of all.

It sounds so profound, and maybe it is, but it’s so flaming obvious that it’s hysterically funny. And it’s hysterically funny because it’s...