11 Lessons On Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone
By now most of you know that I moved from Ecuador to Portugal. My soul began to call for something else, for nourishment through art, music, history and culture. Portugal was another of those unexpected decisions. A suggestion that I would enjoy Lisbon led to months of research and a plan to move with Sophie, my dog, to Europe.
I’d never been to Portugal. I have traveled to many countries in Europe so it’s a bit ironic that I should move to a country I have never even visited and whose language I have not studied.
John O’Donohue in one of his poems speaks of a time of “necessary decisions”. He writes,
May we have the courage to take the step
Into the unknown that beckons us;
Trust that a richer life awaits us there,
That we will lose nothing
But what has already died;
Intuitively I began to feel that my time in Ecuador had come to an end, that the dream I came to create had died and after two years of grieving that loss, it was time to find a new home where I could thrive.
I’ve been told that I’m courageous, moving to Portugal where I know no one, have never visited and I don’t (yet) speak the language. It doesn’t actually feel like that to me.
There was a threshold I had to cross to come alive again. I followed my intuition. I was navigating a river flowing, sometimes still waters and sometimes turbulent. Even in times of doubt I trusted in that sensing that quietly whispered, “This way, this is your next chapter. Follow this.”
I have felt that the wind was at my back, affirming my decision. My timing meant that I was able to submit my visa papers before the Portuguese visa offices closed. I arrived before a lockdown would’ve cancelled my flight. I arrived three weeks before airlines created stricter rules on taking animals in the cabin (Sophie flew in the cabin with me). Everything has worked out extremely well.
During my time here I’ve learned more about myself and about what it takes to make a new life in an unknown place. These lessons apply to any major life transition. If you’re thinking of a big change in your life or you’re in it now, these lessons may apply to you too.
Here they are:1. Ask for help. This is a lesson I keep learning over and over. What I re-discovered by asking for help is that we need each other. It’s not a weakness to share lessons learned or to say “I don’t know how to…” I’ve met so many wonderful people who have been generous with advice, knowledge and experience. Through these exchanges I’ve met people online and in person and developed connections for the future.
2. Pay it forward. As I learn more about what works and doesn’t work I find myself helping others in their own transition. A community begins to form that shares information in service of helping all its members create a new life here. It feels so good to help someone as others have helped me.
3. Challenge assumptions. I didn’t even know I had assumptions about the way things are. There were simple things like shopping. I assumed that the grocery store provides bags for your goods. No, they don’t. People here bring their own bags. I assumed that offices are open all day long. No, many close for a few hours around lunchtime because the Portuguese value their meals as a time to connect with one another. I assumed that it would be difficult to communicate because I don’t speak Portuguese. I found that many people speak English very, very well and are happy to help you.
4. Slow down. This one wasn’t as difficult having lived in Ecuador for 5 years. The pace of life here is leisurely. Whatever it is, it will get done…eventually. One of the things I’ve loved about slow living is how wonderful it feels to sit at a café sipping coffee without needing to hurry off somewhere. Or enjoying a two-hour lunch with wine and friends without the waiter rushing you to leave.
5. Accept the unacceptable. So many things I said I would never do or accept. Now if the apartment is too cold, I wear layers. (There is no heat in most Portuguese apartments.) I thought I’d live in Lisbon, the center of arts and culture. But I discovered I’m just not a city girl and I missed the ocean and open spaces and so I’m off to the Algarve where I had said I would never live.
6. Find another way. When I’m not able to get something accomplished due to bureaucracy or lack of information, now I take it in stride and find another way.
7. Don’t judge yourself or others. It’s easy to put a lot of shoulds on yourself and others. You’ll make mistakes, you’ll feel vulnerable and you’ll have to start from zero once again. It’s all part of stepping into the unknown. Every day I learn something knew about the culture and about myself.
8. Give yourself time. I learned this when I moved to Ecuador. I’m relearning it. I was wise enough to take the month of December off from work and I’m so glad I did. There was a lot of adjustment, internally and externally, going on for me. Giving myself the space for that adjustment was the wisest thing I could’ve done.
9. Create a routine. There are days when I have no idea what day it is. At first it didn’t matter but eventually I began to feel ungrounded and adrift. Now that I’m back to work I’ve put more structure into my week without compromising my ability to explore, adjust and learn new things about myself and my new home.
10. Practice extreme self-care. I began to sleep late again. I didn’t set the alarm clock. Instead, I woke up as my body needed. I find myself indulging in pastries, rich food and delicious coffee. As the weeks went by, I began to take better care of my eating habits without judging my desire to savor the gastronomical wonders of Portugal. I walk…a lot. Out of necessity and also because it’s the best way to explore. Making sure I get the sleep I need and eat nourishing food and stay active has kept my attention on my experience with energy and vitality.
11. Life really is an adventure. Everything becomes an experiment in unfolding new ways of knowing yourself when the environment forces you into the unknown. You appreciate the little things more. You pay attention to the ordinary things that delight, like the artistry of the azulejo tiles, or the couple singing opera on the street or the delight of a pastel de nata and espresso. You discern what belongs to you and what doesn’t, what is valued by you and what isn’t. When you look at life with the eyes of an explorer all kinds of possibilities open up that you may have missed if you limited yourself to your comfort zone.
In the same poem John O’Donohue writes,
Perhaps the work we do has lost its soul
Or the love where we once belonged
Calls nothing alive in us anymore.
We drift through this gray, increasing nowhere
Until we stand before a threshold we know
We have to cross to come alive once more.
If you find yourself on that threshold, don’t let fear get in the way of crossing over to the other side. Trust your own wisdom and intuition and find that something that makes you come alive once more. I hope these 11 lessons will help you on your path too.
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Interested in my new adventure? Follow me on Instagram @msaliciamrodriguez
