Instructions For Operating

When doomsurfing
Be sure to wear the appropriate attire.
Never keep your fingers more than
Three inches
From a bowl of chips.
Have alcohol
For anesthetic purposes
At regular intermissions
Which could be every other Tweet,
The hell that is known as Tuesday,
Or for making your very own
Bullshit bingo game with.
Personally,
I like to have a bottle of bourbon to hand.
The good kind.
Don’t we all deserve a little treat
In these troublesome times?
Take breaks
Remember even the most accomplished swimmers
Need to hold on ...