TRIGGERS AND RECOVERY
How did I let my compulsive addiction to pornography go on for so many years? Obviously one of the major reasons is that I failed to ask for help. I was too afraid to confess my sins. I was ashamed to admit I was not the person I wanted everyone to think I was. I also remained ensnared in the addictive cycle because I convinced myself I was doing my best to get out, but when the urge hit, it was so strong I found it impossible to resist. I had to face the truth about that guy in the mirror.
When I began taking the free course on Recovery Nation, I discovered something Jon Marsh wrote. He said if I were in the middle of looking at porn on my computer and heard someone approaching the room, I would quickly close out that page and navigate to another site. I had no trouble taking control of a situation under those circumstances. Why then, when I was all alone and imagined nobody would find out, did I believe it was impossible to resist the urge to go take a peek?
The same thing is true regarding anger. I had trouble controlling my temper as a child. I thought that as I grew and matured I was getting better. But after I got married and had kids, I would explode at our children for their misbehavior or defiance. I could feel my blood starting to boil and my tongue would take over from there. When my wife confronted me regarding my behavior, I just made excuses. “Sure, I don’t want to get mad and shout at our kids. It’s not like I planned to lash out at them.” She challenged me to plan ahead and think about how I should react in those kinds of situations and work out a strategy of how to handle things better next time.
Another example I think all of us can identify with is when two people are in the middle of a heated argument, and then company arrives. Most likely they will act as if everything is normal and nothing is wrong.
If I do actually have the capacity to control my actions in these situations, the truth is that I am always in charge. I am responsible for my actions. I wasn’t forced to yell at the kids and nobody held a gun to my head and compelled me to search for pornography on the Internet. I decided to do it. Today I can choose not to do it.
As a person who believes in the God who created the world and made each one of us, I believe what the Bible says – “with Him all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). I believe nothing is impossible for God (Luke 1:37). If I’ve been making all sorts of mistakes, who’s to blame? It’s that guy in the mirror! I have no one to blame but myself. If a bird made a nest on top of my head, at a minimum I allowed it to happen. I could have chased it away.
On Recovery Nation, I also learned about triggers. Perhaps we could call them hooks; those things that hook or grab your attention. You see something and it triggers the desire to go look for something more.
I remember clicking on something I shouldn’t and then in a flash, I was clicking a second and third time. It felt like it all happened so fast that I couldn’t control it. I once referred to these as “mindless” moments. These were occasions where once I crossed the line, which could happen within just a matter of seconds, there was nothing to stop me until I had already gone too far. Somehow I just turned off my brain and refused to let reason have a voice.
For the person who is looking for an excuse, a trigger is all it takes to crash and burn. A trigger comes along and a binge soon follows. But none of this is written in stone. It is not inevitable. I had to learn that in actuality there are no “slips”, only bad choices that I make of my own free will.
Jon Marsh says triggers are internal events, not external. They are perceived events and as such, the emotions associated with the stimulus can be changed. Jon found he could train himself so that the trigger would set in motion a new kind of response. Rather than allowing the trigger to set off behavior which goes against my beliefs and values, I can learn to see the trigger and use this event to move towards positive actions and healthy behavior. The process of rewiring or reprogramming my brain to behave in a different way is what recovery is all about. This is our challenge and our opportunity.
Thank you, Lord! There is hope! Freedom and a new life are possible!
Find out more about victory over habitual sin in the book: Jesus Is Better Than Porn
