An Independent Menu for Struggling Candidates
In the past few US elections, perfect hair and radiant teeth have swayed the electorate more than policy statements and campaign promises. This is because the only group who truly cares about issues is the independent voters and they don't decide until the very last minute.
Party loyalists will always vote the ticket, but that's not enough to win a majority. A Republican candidate can always count on the faithful, and a Democrat can never count on anything. Since the electorate is equally split between the two major parties in most key states and regions, the independents can swing the election.
For candidates struggling with how to win these critical swing voters in November, I offer an easy approach. Assuming you've got a good hair and a bright set of teeth, here's a simple policy menu that will fit all budgets and appetites.
DIY Candidate MenuChose one item from each section and start campaigning!
AppetizerLegalize Marijuana: this helps conservative candidates because stoners will forget to vote anywayGay Marriage: Help our weak economy with lavish weddings and expensive divorces.
EntréeAbortion: Re-define life to start at graduation Foreign Policy: Give Louisiana back to the FrenchGun rights: all citizens issued a hand gun at birth
Side DishTechnology: Defend our right to carry concealed iPhonesHousing Crisis: federally subsided spear guns to all underwater homeowners
DesertImmigration: Declare a one day, worldwide amnesty where people can change countries.Budget Deficit: Sell advertising space on national monuments and aircraft carriers
BeverageEnergy Policy: Red BullAusterity Measures: English Breakfast Tea Party
Still hungry? Vote for political humor by reading "No Roads Lead to Rome" www.noroadsleadtorome.com
Party loyalists will always vote the ticket, but that's not enough to win a majority. A Republican candidate can always count on the faithful, and a Democrat can never count on anything. Since the electorate is equally split between the two major parties in most key states and regions, the independents can swing the election.
For candidates struggling with how to win these critical swing voters in November, I offer an easy approach. Assuming you've got a good hair and a bright set of teeth, here's a simple policy menu that will fit all budgets and appetites.
DIY Candidate MenuChose one item from each section and start campaigning!
AppetizerLegalize Marijuana: this helps conservative candidates because stoners will forget to vote anywayGay Marriage: Help our weak economy with lavish weddings and expensive divorces.
EntréeAbortion: Re-define life to start at graduation Foreign Policy: Give Louisiana back to the FrenchGun rights: all citizens issued a hand gun at birth
Side DishTechnology: Defend our right to carry concealed iPhonesHousing Crisis: federally subsided spear guns to all underwater homeowners
DesertImmigration: Declare a one day, worldwide amnesty where people can change countries.Budget Deficit: Sell advertising space on national monuments and aircraft carriers
BeverageEnergy Policy: Red BullAusterity Measures: English Breakfast Tea Party
Still hungry? Vote for political humor by reading "No Roads Lead to Rome" www.noroadsleadtorome.com
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