Happy New Year! What 2021 Has In Store – Both Personally And Here On This Blog…

I’m a big “goals” and “resolutions” person so typically this is my season, but this year I felt stumped until I started writing this. Of course, I’m going to do all the things to feel healthier after the unhealthy holiday binge stage (I’ll do ‘dry January’, workout to my favorite app, use my new sauna blanket, nourish my body through soup – JANSTEWARY IS ON, and maybe read something beyond addictive rom-com fiction). But those things feel silly and way too easy – it’s what I always do. I still want to “grow” and feel a sense of progress in a bigger way and that’s when I realized that 2020 shifted my perspective on “growth” – and this revelation has become the basis of my 2021 resolution. You see, I used to think growth meant doing more–more staff, more followers, higher numbers, more collaborations, more protocol, a big office, fancy monthly reports, more friend dates, more money, more social engagements, more “department heads” and me running around like a chicken with its head cut off doing 4-5 photoshoots a week, socializing too much only to mentally collapse twice a year (while trying to be a good partner and obsessively good parent). I was so proud of the business, of my ‘”success” and certainly I don’t regret the years of hard work that went into getting here, but what I’ve realized now is that there is truly a difference between being grateful for what you have, and being able to enjoy it.

The pandemic, quarantine, and the year of 2020 woke me up in a many ways – and I’m obviously not alone. It made me realize I had an addiction to being “busy” and being forced to stay home inadvertently saved me from myself, from what I call my “extrovert overextension disorder”. It also made me stop and be more thoughtful about the world, the planet, racial injustice, and my place in it all. OF COURSE, I wish this was not due to a world pandemic, but I have to, we all have to, respect what has happened enough to take a larger lesson from it and not just keep moving. First off, I had no idea how depleted I was until we moved up to the mountain house full time, and I was forced (and was lucky enough) to just stay home with my small family. It was a forced “busy detox”, where I learned that I don’t have to work 60 hours a week to “succeed” and “grow” and instead by slowing down I was able to see my impact on the world (both good and bad) and strengthen what matters to me–my marriage, my connection to my kids, and humanity. Like many of us, by slowing down I woke up. I know that even being able to make this shift, to slow down, comes from privilege, not to negate years of hard work and experience. I feel so grateful that I learned this in 2020 and not in another 10 years after checking myself into exhaustion rehab and missing being truly ‘present’ during my kids’ childhood. The best and most confusing part is that there was truly no way for me–for any of us–to learn these lessons without actually going through it. For me, business-wise I had to build it all up, sprint fast and crash for 10 + years just to learn that I want a different kind of growth. You think you know your capacities, boundaries, strengths, and weaknesses. Maybe you do want to grow an empire and become the next Martha Stewart, but also maybe you don’t. And that’s ok