The Question being Asked Is Not Always the Question that Needs to be Asked

This blog post will have a bit of life advice and author advice. Generally I try to give some kind of value for your reading pleasure :-)

Did you know that Dec 3, 2020 was International Day of Disabled Persons 2020. There are many lessons we still have not learned. I read an article that was heart breaking. Not just because a young couple split up, that happens every day. Not just because one of the couple had a disability. It was heart breaking because this couple found that the only option that was viable for them was to separate. The Question posed on the post was the wrong question. Rather than, "was this the right thing to do?" type of question, the question actually should have been...why was this the only viable alternative that was there for this young couple? Having a disability would not make the young man a better or worse father. Having a disability would not make him a better or worse husband. It would also not make him more or less capable of a healthy relationship. The separation was due to the fact that they could not obtain the proper supports to live together because his wife was able bodied. Whether or not someone liked that they separated or not was immaterial. Whether what they did was approved of was immaterial. They were still in love as a couple (at least that is what I gathered from the article) and they co-parented the kids. They just couldn't stay together because he got better supports if he wasn't with his wife and she couldn't have her career if she stayed with him. It is a shame, in this day and age, that we should have this be the only viable option for a young couple. A further shame that the question didn't surround why this was the only viable option. This scenario creates children from a broken family. So, when we think about whether or not to leave a spouse, having a disability and not getting proper supports should not be a deciding factor. We need to be more alert to the needs that disabilities can create and have better available resources. We talk about how proud we are of our disabled relative, son, daughter, etc...but for society to move forward, we need to help them succeed to the best of their abilities. With all due respect to the blogger, the question asked was not the question that needed to be asked. The question is Why was this the only viable option to a couple who have to deal with the sudden disability of one of them. They should not be forced to raise their children apart and to be separated. We need to look at why our beliefs in society as a whole, makes the question of whether they did the right thing or not any one's business and focus on why there wasn't an alternative for them.

Now for the author part. We need to recognize that being an author is not just being the high selling author, but to create art. To be respectful in creating that art and being treated with respect while creating the art. Not everyone is going to be a top selling author. Some of us will experiment and find new ways and new methods of getting out the artistic medium and bring out new ideas. Some of us will create whether or not we have huge sales. We create so we can start something that will be seen by someone who will add or change some elements and find a new format. Some still add to the current literature. Much like with disabilities, you can't fit everyone into the same mold. Sometimes the question being asked isn't the question that needs to be asked. Sometimes someone else has to look at it and get the real question to come out of it. Sometimes the Emperor is not wearing any clothes.

So, be realistically unrealistic. If we're going to talk the talk, let's also walk the walk when it comes to people with disabilities. If we are to create an art form, then we need to be ourselves. When you see something that is wrong, stand up and say so. When you see that there is something missing that requires a question, maybe ask that question. Be determined that humankind will be improved by what you have to say. Do not assume that you know the answer to the question, there are experts that can answer the question. Find experts...don't rely on pseudoscience to answer questions. Ask the question. Not everyone will like that you see the question differently, but it's worth checking it out. If you get an answer, check it out. If you don't like the answer, it is not the fault of the answer. People might find that there is a middle ground and a way that will benefit others. Pick your questions. When you find something you are passionate about, and you see a different angle that is being entirely missed, ask questions. With that said, choose your questions carefully. Not every question needs to be asked or answered...but some obviously do.

The world and writing in general is not always what it seems. The questions aren't always answerable, but sometimes asking them helps one to determine whether there is a need to move forward rather than stay with the status quo.

Thanks for reading my blog. Thanks for your interest in A & J PEI Treasures!