Honest Reaction to Rishta Profiles
Hello! I hope your week is going great but if you’re down with a case of the Thursday blues, maybe this will make you laugh. So, my mother forwards me rishta profiles on Whatsapp sometimes but last night, she was feeling a bit too enthusiastic about my wedding and sent four all at once. Luckily, they turned out to be hilarious and I lay there in bed guffawing in the middle of the night. Of course, the point of this post is not to make fun of these people but to highlight the shallow toxic trends of society related to matchmaking. This is not a criticism of the family rather the matchmaking groups that demand that you write the details of your residence. It’s understandable that the woman’s family would want to know about the house their daughter might be living in but it ends up being humiliating for the man’s family. Nowadays, your social status is heavily associated with the housing society you reside in. A simple phone call would suffice to learn about the living conditions of the man’s family. Another thing I despise is adding the information about that person’s siblings from marital status to education. There are categories titled brother, sister, married sister, married brother, etc. That kind of private information should not be shared publicly, that too without their consent. Again, if you want to know who will be sharing the house with your daughter, just make a quick phone call. What does the siblings’ education and career have to do with the candidate’s marriage? This goes for both male and female profiles. It just appears to be an opportunity to brag about your other kids’ achievements. It’s the weirdest thing! If that wasn’t enough, I noticed an amusing trend in the profiles I read last night. When showing off the siblings’ achievements, the siblings who aren’t doctors or lawyers aren’t mentioned when the candidate himself belonged to these professions.
One of the candidates grew up in the UK and was described as someone who prays regularly and likes to stay fit. His family seemed quite concerned about his life in this world and the Hereafter. That would have been pleasant if they hadn’t specifically mentioned looking for an educated, slim and attractive woman. One would have assumed they would say something about the woman’s personality or religious beliefs but nope, they know what’s truly important for a happy Hereafter. A woman labeled “ugly” by society need not apply because she will make him miserable and hinder his path to Heaven. Another UK based gentleman was 34 years old and demanded a woman between 26 to 30 years of age. This just goes to show that living in a progressive country has zero effect on typical desi mentality. People would say that he has a “right” to demand a woman of a significantly younger age bracket similar to how women want a financially stable man to provide for them and their children. Apples and oranges but this is the concept of gender equality in Pakistan. It makes no difference to men that reserving value to a certain age group of women for marriage takes women their own age out of the equation. They simply wish to enjoy being the master of a much younger wife who would be easy to command as opposed to a wife their own age. Everyone knows that such large gaps increase the risk of domestic abuse due to a power imbalance. Still, women under 30 are sold the lie that men in their 30s are “mature” and “stable” in comparison to men their own age. This trend has resulted in countless broken hearts and forced marriages but hey, at least society approves of your marriage.
We’ve seen that the requirements of the man’s family often include a lengthy description of the potential bride’s appearance but have you noticed a rising trend in flowery descriptions of the man’s appearance? Some common qualities are slim, athletic, handsome, fair and tall. Usually, men with a height of 6ft or more are considered tall but people also call their 5ft 10inches sons tall in Pakistan. They have to impress upon you what an amazing catch their son is even if the woman herself is fairly tall at 5ft 7inches. I find it ridiculous when men are described to be fair in rishta profiles because it’s like they’ve won the genetic lottery! In fact, fairness is a universal beauty standard but has nothing to do with attraction based on sexual dimorphism. As if ruining their daughters’ lives with colourism wasn’t enough, Pakistanis are determined to make their sons suffer too. I don’t understand why the man’s family thinks that potential brides are interested in knowing their level of attraction towards their own son or brother. Should we be expecting some kind of twisted incestuous love triangles in our married lives? Preferences in beauty are highly personal even with the popularity of cultural beauty standards. I mean, I don’t want to know how hot you find your son/ brother. That’s so creepy! I forgot to mention that photos were not included in these rishta profiles.
Lastly, I have a small tip for aspiring rishta profile writers. Please don’t write “handsome salary” in male rishta profiles. I seriously felt like that was a job ad! In conclusion, the objectification of all genders in our matchmaking culture needs to end. Men are not merely providers and women are not showpieces. Also, please spare your other children when searching for a match for one of them. Do you like the format of rishta profiles in Pakistan? Let me know in the comments.
