CHAOTIC WORRY
I found calm
Steady breath
A place where
The quiet feels…
Composed
But what if
I’m in the eye
Of the storm?
What if chaos
Has just settled
Like sand does
Waiting for the heat
To clash with the cold
Inside my brain
What if his screams
What if his anger
What if their words
And their actions
Were created
Inside of me
And what will happen
When the wind
Starts to blow again?
The picture attached was taken by a girlfriend of mine who passed away several years ago. I miss talking to her. She lived with a disease that required many surgeries and always knew it would claim her life early just like it claimed her mother’s life.
Her life seemed so calm despite the chaos that her disease created. I knew her well enough to know that she lived inside a storm she didn’t create. But many of us live inside storms of our own creation.
I sit writing this poem thinking about people and the chaos that whips around them like a hurricane. How much of the drama in my own life was my own doing?
I used to wake up feeling as if my whole body was charged. I felt like a lightening bolt. Constantly worrying that the wrong energy would come near me and…
But it was the storm not me . I became part of the storm but I did not create the storm. I sometimes wonder if I got out of the storm or if I brought part of that storm with me. Will it always be a part of me? I hope not. I barely survived that one.
