Six Off-the-Wall Ways to Avoid Lockdown Meltdown

Hmmm, are you fit to be
tied with the lockdown?

This second lockdown of
2020 is making it difficult to keep ourselves occupied. As a service to all my
readers, I offer six activities to help you endure the long days without going
stir crazy.

FEDEX
DELIVERY BINGO

Create homemade bingo
cards with your neighbour’s addresses. Use Pot
of Gold chocolates as markers and mark your card every time a FedEx
delivery is made to a neighbour’s residence. Score a bonus marker if the FedEx
guy slips and falls on his ass as she sprints back to his truck. And, of
course, you get to eat the chocolates if you win.

LAST
LEAF LOTTERY

No, I am not talking
about the Toronto Maple Leafs and the odds that they will bow out in the first
round of the playoffs again when hockey returns. Create a lottery around the
last orphan leaf hanging on to the Maple tree in your yard and when it will
finally let go. Winner gets to wash down the last slice of day old pizza with a
mug of Vodka.

DRIVEWAY
ICE CAPADES

Sneak out at midnight on
one of these below freezing nights and flood your neighbour’s driveway. Pull a
chair up to the window in the morning with your coffee. Have a belly laugh as
the first person out of the house does impromptu pirouettes, backflips and face
plants. Be sure to duck out of sight if the irate victim looks your way.

BINGE
TV WATCHING

A tried and true method
to effectively kill time. Cue up classic movie franchises like The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit and Harry Potter for a pandemic marathon of the battle of good versus
evil. But brain-rotting Reality TV is off limits. And absolutely nothing with Ken Jeong! Is there a more annoying man
on the face of the planet?

COMFORT
FOOD ORGY

Face it: We’ve all lost
the battle already. Our pre-COVID pants will not even squeeze over our hips
now. So stock up on potato chips, chocolate, licorice and M&Ms. Make sure
the bowl is never empty. Coat the contents with Maple Syrup for an extra sugar
high.

RANDOM
ACTS OF SNOW SCULPTURE

When your neighbour is
out, make snow sculptures on his lawn in sexually suggestive shapes. When your
neighbour arrives home, blame it on the other neighbour who never returned the
ladder he borrowed two years ago. A two-for-one score that never gets old.

We are in this
metaphorical prison together. If we all play by the same devious rules, we will
get paroled at the same time and on the same terms when the sun rises on the
other side of the lockdown. Who’s in?

~ Now
Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting
Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is also
the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which
was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s
website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

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