FINDING INTIMACY IN SOLITUDE
This week, the city of Toronto once again returned to a full lockdown in response to the pandemic. I've been sending family and friends a video poem by Canadian poet Tanya Davis, who gently invites us to "lean into loneliness."
In my novels, everyone is looking for intimacy. Characters across generations strive to connect: through sex, drugs, music, art, sports, food; passionate declarations of love and commitment. But true intimacy is only commensurate with a deepening connection with self. As we lean into our own authentic selves -into our own loneliness, desires, fears and hopes- only then we can begin to reach out and connect in meaningful ways. Because what is true intimacy but vulnerability?
As my protagonist Daniel Garneau learns more about himself, he comes to accept his own vulnerabilities. In turn, his capacity to connect with others grows. As we enter the "second wave" of the pandemic, I wonder what I might've discovered about myself in the last eight months – and how might this, in fact, offer more intimacy in my life?
If truly living begins with self-knowledge, then perhaps the solitude of a pandemic can be a gift. Let us all lean into loneliness, and know we are in good company. And never alone. -DKY
PS: This post was inspired by a reader's words that have since remained in my heart:
"At the end of Tales from the Bottom of My Sole I felt like I'd really truly LIVED, but also that I couldn't wait to go out and find a collective of queer kids and found family and their extended family, to embrace and engage with the eccentricities out there in the world, in my city and in Daniel's! Being so full with that feeling as the wave of reality hit: That we are living in a pandemic. That there are no crowded bars, no restaurants spilling over into sidewalks, no cafes to go for tea, no spontaneously meeting a kindred spirit, not even an obnoxious one who somehow intrigues you while you're waiting line for the fitting room --was such a strange, heavy heartache. I went from a moment of being so overcome by emotion with longing for a life as full and radiant and ever-changing as Daniel and David's, to a longer moment in the quiet calm of not knowing what to do with this feeling." - Andrea
In my novels, everyone is looking for intimacy. Characters across generations strive to connect: through sex, drugs, music, art, sports, food; passionate declarations of love and commitment. But true intimacy is only commensurate with a deepening connection with self. As we lean into our own authentic selves -into our own loneliness, desires, fears and hopes- only then we can begin to reach out and connect in meaningful ways. Because what is true intimacy but vulnerability?
As my protagonist Daniel Garneau learns more about himself, he comes to accept his own vulnerabilities. In turn, his capacity to connect with others grows. As we enter the "second wave" of the pandemic, I wonder what I might've discovered about myself in the last eight months – and how might this, in fact, offer more intimacy in my life?
If truly living begins with self-knowledge, then perhaps the solitude of a pandemic can be a gift. Let us all lean into loneliness, and know we are in good company. And never alone. -DKY
PS: This post was inspired by a reader's words that have since remained in my heart:
"At the end of Tales from the Bottom of My Sole I felt like I'd really truly LIVED, but also that I couldn't wait to go out and find a collective of queer kids and found family and their extended family, to embrace and engage with the eccentricities out there in the world, in my city and in Daniel's! Being so full with that feeling as the wave of reality hit: That we are living in a pandemic. That there are no crowded bars, no restaurants spilling over into sidewalks, no cafes to go for tea, no spontaneously meeting a kindred spirit, not even an obnoxious one who somehow intrigues you while you're waiting line for the fitting room --was such a strange, heavy heartache. I went from a moment of being so overcome by emotion with longing for a life as full and radiant and ever-changing as Daniel and David's, to a longer moment in the quiet calm of not knowing what to do with this feeling." - Andrea
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Andrea
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Dec 09, 2020 12:18PM
Aw wow, thank you for sharing these thoughts. I'll be thinking about this perspective in the upcoming weeks of continuing isolation as we go into what's just been announced as our second wave in South Africa. That moment as I ended your book is still so vivid to me; one of my most memorable reading experiences this year, and I'm so glad to hear it connected with you in some way.
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