Does it Matter?

Questions are tools that we can add to our personal toolbox. Tools are used for specific activities at specific times. If you think of any given day there are many specific tools that we use. My day starts with a coffee grinder. A tool for a specific purpose. Does it matter is a question for a specific time. I hope you’ll join me in exploring the power of this question tool and perhaps add it to your question toolbox. (And understand why there is a picture of a spider (!!) at the beginning of this post!) We have Pema Chodron to thank for this question. Does it matter is a question she suggests we can use when we are about to do something that doesn’t quite feel right. We probably experience this more times in a day than we care to acknowledge. Does it matter is not a question she is suggesting for use in the big, glaring moments of choice (although it works then too) It’s a subtle question, for subtle moments.   Does it matter that tone of voice that I use with…(my child, spouse, friend, grocery store clerk, tire store attendant?)  Does it matter what words I write on…twitter, a nameless Facebook account, the review of a restaurant? Does it matter if I glare at that person who…just cut me off, is wearing a shirt with a logo I don’t appreciate? Does it matter if I don’t keep the promise I made to myself today to…go for a walk, eat less sugar, drink only one cup of coffee? “When we ask ourselves, “Does it matter?” we can first look at the outer, more obvious results of our actions. But then we can go deeper by examining how we are affecting our own mind: Am I making an old habit more habitual? Am I strengthening propensities I’d like to weaken? When I’m on the verge of lying to save face or manipulating a situation to go my way, where will that lead? Am I going in the direction of becoming a more deceitful person or a more guilty, self-denigrating person? How about when I experiment with practicing patience and generosity? How are my actions affecting my process of awakening? Where will they lead?” Pema Chodron, Welcoming the Unwelcome: Wholehearted Living in a Brokenhearted World Does it matter is a question that invites us to see that there is always more to see. Posting something a bit passive-aggressive on social media about a celebrity that just said something we don’t agree with can seem relatively harmless. The celebrity we are annoyed with isn’t going to read or care about our single comment. But, does it matter for our soul? Does that indulgence feed our soul? Does it help us create a kinder, better world? Sister Spider… Spiders are not my favorite. The morning after I read this question I was given an opportunity to try it out. In the book, she shared an example of letting a bug live. So, when I noticed a spider dangling down on a thin, silk thread, aiming to land on my treadmill I was confronted with the opportunity to use the question. Does it matter if I swat and aim to squash the spider? I found that, yes it might matter, for reasons I’m not quite sure I can fully articulate. Between Pema and an essay, I read from Mary Oliver about the lessons learned from a spider I felt at that moment it did matter. So against my better judgment and instincts, I made the decision to let the spider land on my treadmill. I watched her for 30 minutes walk with grace and curiosity in a short little area on the treadmill. I learned something from just watching. She stayed in a very small area the entire time I ran. She didn’t want to bite or otherwise harm me like I often think spiders do. The next day my daughter and I were sitting down to watch our favorite show (The Great British Bake-Off!!!!) and another, bigger spider crawled across my lap. It was harder this time, but having spent 30 minutes the day before watching a spider, I took a deep breath and let the spider crawl across my lap. “I bid you peace sister spider.”   Does it matter that I let those two spiders live? Maybe, maybe not. It matters in my heart and soul. I learned that I can co-exist with spiders. It expanded my heart for things different from me. I was reminded that sometimes large lessons are found in small (tiny) packages. That may be the world is more sacred and filled with meaning than I realize.  As Pema ends the teaching on does it matter, she points out this question reminds us that we have a choice in the way that we respond. Does it matter also reminds us of the interconnectedness of all things. I used the question to focus on the smallest of decisions, to squash a spider or not. I wouldn’t be writing about any lessons if I had killed the first spider. Yet, days later I’m still reflecting on the subtle shift that asking does it matter had.  Will you be adding the question does it matter to your personal question toolbox? If you like these questions, please consider SUBSCRIBING to The Art of Powering Down; Questions to Recharge Your Soul… Every week there is a question that will gently challenge you, encourage you, or help you live your life with more intention, grace, and purpose. (Sharing these reflections and questions with friends is the greatest compliment!)

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