Your International Guide to Zombies!

Given that it is Halloween, I thought today would be a good time to offer up this handy zombie guide in the event of a zombie apocalypse in your area.  Of course, the severity of the outbreak and your ability to deal with the undead onslaught will vary from country to country but, for starters, please consult this ranking by The Zombie Research Society that helpfully breaks down which nations are best positioned to weather the flesh-eating storm:

TOP TEN COUNTRIES

Good on Australia for placing first.  And quite surprised to see Canada place second.  The fact that the U.S. lands in third, given present circumstances, leads me to question the methodology.

Not all zombies are created equally however.  Your chances of survival will depend on the type you will be facing.  Here are your most concerning varieties…

North American variant

Relatively slower moving that your average human, they’re leisurely in their pace, more likely to shamble or crawl than break out into a brisk run.  They’re also fairly noisy, given to groaning, gargling, and cacophonous mouth-breathing and, thus, unlikely to surprise you – unless you happen to step on one or are a character in a movie or zombie t.v. series who has their back to a chain-link fence.

British variant

Okay, I’m not going to sugarcoat it.  These guys are trouble, noted for their surprisingly explosive sprinting abilities and shameless eating habits.

Chinese variant

Unlike the North American shambler and British sprinter, these zombies get around by hopping.  There are about a half-dozen sub-varieties, ranging from relatively harmless livestock-feeders to the more accomplished ninja zombies who can fly, shapeshift, and crawl around alarmingly quickly.

South-Korean variant

Similar to the British fast-moving variety, they are also astonishingly adept crawlers and have also been known to take public transportation for longer hauls.

Nazi variant

This slow-moving variant prefer aquatic ambulation (which explains their penchant for goggles) and can be found in large bodies of water.  They appear to be vegetarian, preferring to drown rather than consume their victims.

There are other zombie variants, but they shouldn’t be a cause for concern lest you have offended a sorcerer or witch.

Hope that helps.  Stay safe.  And Happy Halloween!

The post Your International Guide to Zombies! appeared first on Joseph Mallozzi's Weblog.