J.C. Penney is turning its back on One Million Moms.Previously,...



J.C. Penney is turning its back on One Million Moms.

Previously, I wrote in my very serious way about how J.C. Penney hired Ellen DeGeneres, a terribly charming homosexual woman, to be it's spokesperson. I also wrote in my very serious way about how the group One Million Moms was all pissed about it.

You may have read that article. Remember how serious I was in it? Do you recall my important journalistic tone? Boy, I sure do—almost like it was yesterday, which, of course, it was.

The One Million Moms is a franchise (or something) of the hate group American Family Association. I'm not being facetious in calling them a hate group. The Southern Poverty Law Center has defined them, correctly, as such. You see, if you team up with other people, forming a group, and then hate on gays and Muslims, you're a hate group.

Even Jesus is embarrassed by these losers and has changed his religion on Facebook from "Christian" to "Spiritual" in an attempt to distance himself.

In an emailed statement to Yahoo! Shine today, J.C. Penney confirmed it "stands behind its partnership with Ellen DeGeneres."

The One Million Moms, numbering far less than a million by the way, are upset. "Today we learned that our obsession with the way other people fuck doesn't matter at all to J.C. Penney and that makes us very sad. America and everyone in it (except for us) will burn in the fires of hell for all eternity."

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) applauded J.C. Penney's decision to stick with DeGeneres, but not really. Seriously, do you think they were all clapping around the water cooler? They did, however, issue a statement of support.

"This week Americans spoke out in overwhelming support of LGBT people and J.C. Penney's decision not to fire Ellen simply for who she happens to love," said Herndon Graddick, senior director of programs and communications at GLAAD.

GLAAD says it has received nearly 25,000 signatures on a website dedicated to showing support for J.C. Penney and DeGeneres.

Defeated, the One Million Moms who don't even number a million have returned to their favorite pastime of shooting dirty looks at strangers.

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Published on February 03, 2012 14:38
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