Defining Bob Grumman

Unretouched Photo of Bob Grumman on His Lanai, Port Charlotte, Florida (14 April 2007)
As I like to say, Bob Grumman (who turned 71 today) is my oldest friend, because there's no way I have any friends older than he is. But, honestly, it's because we've known each other (if mostly through the mails and virtually) since 1987, when I was as old as my daughter is now. Since it is Bob's birthday today, I celebrate as I always do, with a posting dedicated to him. This one, as most of them, is a roast.

I began the tradition of roasting Bob because he loves argument, and this year I provide this roast in the form of a series of definitions for words important to Bob's life. Since I don't put aside a blog posting for just anyone every year, Bob should be honored, which indeed he is. So the following are arguments with him, gentle disagreements, mild teasing, and random musings, all mixed together to cause him confusion.

In case you wonder why Bob puts up with me, it is because I'm his literary executor. In the unlikely case he ever dies, I am clearly the person charged with finding a proper home for his personal papers, which charge is clearly demonstrated by sticky notes stuck all over his filing cabinets at his home. That is, honestly, what he told me, but I'm worried that cats have knocked them off the cabinets and that Bob's family will say to me, upon my arrival, "Bob was literary? Who are you?"

Luckily for me, I'm likely to expire before the immortal Bob Grumman.

(And I mean, really lucky!)


bob, n. 1. a breast  2. an amorphous mass, especially if it appears to be corpulent  3. the rounded handle of a think  4. an entity part-animal and part-machine  5. the definition of a definer of refined madness  6. a bobbin

bob, v. 1. to move up and down with the motion of waves in the water  2. to dunk a head into a barrel of water to remove an apple by capturing it with your teeth  3. to move one's body from side to side, especially to avoid capture  4. to prostrate oneself at the altar of one's beliefs  5. to bedevil, devein, or rebob  6. to bobbit

connecticut, n. 1. a cut and connected continuity  2. a state of disorder  3. a place that holds nutmeg  4. a state in a new England in a north America and beside and atlantic ocean  5. the birthplace of Bob Grumman  6. where the rich protect themselves from reality

definition, n.  1. the particular angularity (say, of a face) that provides a clear idea of the shape that holds (say, that face) together as a unified and attractive whole  2. the written or explained meaning of a word  3. the explanation of what a thing, event, or person means  4. the source of all argument  5. why a slip of her entered his consciousness and he imagined her glance as the smallest exhalation of breath that he could breathe into his body so that he imagined he was filled with her presence and could never lose it because it had become a part of his ever circulating blood  6. whatever Bob says something means

florida, adj. 1. red in the face  2. filled with flowers  3. felled by followers  4. retired into by Bob Grumman  5. hurricaneswept  6. flat

groundhog day, n. 1. the second day of February  2. the day in which the remaining length of winter is determined by whether or not a groundhog (usually one in Punxatawney, Pennsylvania) sees its own shadow  3. a day that continues to repeat itself  4. a day that continues to repeat itself, but with modifications  5. the birthday of Bob Grumman, James Joyce, and Ayn Rand  6. a reason for leaving

grumman, n. 1. a bum covered with crumbs  2. a bottom covered with crumbs  3. a crumb-catcher  4. a rubberband 5. a ruptured rump 6. a grumptious mump

infraverbal, adj. 1. alphaconceptual  2. intrapuntal  3. capricious  4. caperlicious  5. deciduous  6. dord

mathemaku, n. 1. Japanese mathematics  2. angular poetry  3. verdant desert  4. intricate denominations  5. a form of poetry practiced by Bob Grumman that carries out mathematical operations (frequently, long division) on words and images  6. visuamathepoetry

poeticks, n. sing. 1. the ticking of a clock in a story by Edgar Allan Poe  2. a theory of poetry, particularly a personal one defined by a specific poet (not "person")  3. any poetry focused on the arachnid tick  4. a sense of out-of-itness  5. the small unintentional facial spasms of the moronic class (as opposed to the intelligentsia)  6. Bob Grumman's weblog

spring, v. 1. to season  2. to jump up or forward  3. to run out of the ground with water  4. to rain into  5. to grow forth from  6. to recall one's childhood experiences of

taxonomy, n. 1. a systematic description of a branch of knowledge  2. a systematic classification of a branch of knowledge  3. the systematic classification of all plant and animal life  4. a series of distinctions made against a body of overlapping similarities and dissimilarities  5. whatever Bob says it is  6. a tax on you

visimagist, n.  1. a visual artist  2. a visual artist  3. a visual artist  4. a visual artist  5. a visual artist  6. an artist 

visual poetry, n. 1. a form of poetry that combines words and images or plays heavily and semiotically upon the visual presentation of words  2. a form of poetry that combines text and images or plays heavily and semiotically upon the visual presentation of text  3. a form of art that consists of any visually focused examinations of the possible means by which text can fabricate and represent meaning  4. a form of visual art that focuses on the text within it even if the text does not predominate  5. vizMcPoetry  6. whatever Bob says it is

ecr. l'inf.