The Greater Wax Moth by Paul Carter

by Paul Carter

After my triumph with Gill’s ears, she shook her head like a water spaniel for a minute or two, and then looked at me in surprised pleasure, announcing that, yet again, she could hear, and not only that but hear like a Greater wax moth. 

‘Not a bat?’ I asked.

‘Oh, no,’ she replied, ‘much, much better than that.’ She then flitted about like a young thing for the rest of the day, and gave me a chocolate biscuit with my night-cap.

But yesterday I spoilt things by coming in from an afternoon’s work in a very wet and very muddy garden and forgetting to take my boots off when I went through to the kitchen to put the kettle on. I had been planting some hellebores and had decided to use my power auger to make the necessary holes. When we bought the house, we weren’t given any plans as to where the garden pipes and water lines run, so I am having to gradually find out the hard way.

I guess it will always be an exciting moment when an auger and a water line come in contact with one another.

 

 

This was no exception, and I now hold the world record for the largest number of expletives said in any given sixty-second period.

Apparently, the floor had just been washed, but how was I to know that? And really, what were the chances? I was ordered back outside and told to take off my boots and overalls, which apparently were amongst most disgusting items Gilly had seen in an extremely long time.

 

 

When I had shiveringly disrobed I was allowed back in, and then instructed to go immediately and have a hot shower, and to not even think about touching any towels until my hands were spotless. 

In the privacy of the bathroom, I railed over how someone could perform successful emergency surgery one day and then work themselves to a standstill the next in order to plant everything requested of them, after first having to bale out a muddy hole and then fix a water pipe, saving Lord knows how much in plumber’s fees, and still finish up in the poo. 

As the hot water sluiced over my neck and back, I quietly muttered to myself about the unfairness of it all, and a great wave of self-sympathy washed over me. For just a moment my lips started to pucker, but I caught myself in time and managed to pull myself together.

I found it surprisingly soothing to have vented my thoughts, and I was thinking of giving it a second go when the bathroom door suddenly flew open and Gilly poked her head around it.

‘I heard that,’ she said.