Untitled

But isn’t “Untitled” actually a title? Anyway, I’m back. Admittedly, it’s much later but to be honest, isn’t everything in a bit of confusion at the moment?

I was going to type ‘atm’ but 1) it’s not like ‘at the moment’ is going to take hours to type and 2) I remember someone asking me why, whenever they sent me a text asking my whereabouts, I always seemed to be at a cashpoint machine…

(In case you didn’t already know, & to save you the effort, ATM = Automated Teller Machine)

How was your summer? Where was summer? Did it ever actually turn up? Anyway, never fear, autumn is here – the season of falling leaves and grumbling. So, did we get tourists this year? Oh yes. The entitled masses descended on our little seaside town, demanding entertainment and relief from the stresses that apparently only they were under…

To give you some idea of how small our town is, during rush hour, the traffic down the harbour doubles – to about 4 cars. And even at the peak point of rush hour, drivers will still stop at the roundabout to let you cross. Heck, even BMW and Audi drivers use their indicators!

I know, amazing, isn’t it?

In fact, that’s how you can spot the tourists. They’re the ones sling-shotting around the roundabout like it’s a small sun they’re in danger of falling into. All the while, utilising the built-in Telepathy Circuit which will enable all other road users to know their intentions. I think it comes as standard when you choose options like heated seats.

Did I do any people watching this year? You bet. Actually, I was rather grateful for the face masks to hide at least half of my permanently bemused expression. I did want to say ‘ubiquitous’ face masks, but that would have been horribly inaccurate.

But, fun in the sun and all that. I’m actually thinking of writing a book of updated children’s games based on some of the activities I saw over the summer. Because, let’s face it, there’s going to be a lot of books coming out over the next few months. Most of them really badly written, and all of them about some totally fictional dystopian / realistic / alternate universe future where an unknown / genetically-engineered / alien virus has caused havoc / wiped out all life except for a handful of survivors / brought country X to a standstill.

I just thought I’d like to add a fun book to the tidal wave. I can always make it a post-apocalyptic games book. Are vampires allowed to consider apocalypses? And is apocalypses the plural of apocalypse? It doesn’t sound right. And it looks weirder.

Anyway, I’ll share a couple of games that I saw. New versions of old classics. Ooh! That’d be a good tagline, wouldn’t it?

Hide & Seek

Set a counter on your smartphone so you don’t even have to count – adds to the excitement, doesn’t it? Ready or not? You’ll never know, kids! Then you just let your offspring run off while you spend the next half-hour staring at your smartphone.

Toddler table football

I think in some places this is called fuss ball? (that’s not exactly what I typed it, but I’m happy to go with it – I’ve seen how some people play it)

I saw a parent playing football with her offspring in a local playground. She was standing, legs akimbo and holding the child’s arms and swinging the toddler at the ball so that the child’s feet (occasionally) hit the ball.

So why not make this a fun activity for you and your friends? Get your mates to form 4 lines (plus a toddler swinging goalie at the back), 2 facing the other two. Each (obviously) needs to hold a toddler between their legs, taking turns to swing the child at the ball. It could catch on, I think. Fun for all the families.

Please note – this activity probably won’t work with any child old enough to have an opinion, so you might want to consider forming ‘Under 3s’ squad if it does take off.

Well, that’s two games. There are more. I’m wondering if there might be a section for grocklewuffs…

Ah, it’s good to be back. See you in a couple of weeks!